
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/135294.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF, CW_Network_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki, Jared_Padalecki/OMC, Jared_Padalecki/
      Justin_Hartley, Jensen_Ackles/OMC, Jensen_Ackles/Steve_Carlson
  Character:
      Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Sandy_McCoy, Chad_Michael_Murray, Justin
      Hartley, Christian_Kane, Jeffrey_Dean_Morgan, Sophia_Bush, Genevieve
      Cortese
  Additional Tags:
      Artist!Jared, Writer!Jensen, spn_j2_bigbang, published:_2010, Alternate
      Universe
  Series:
      Part 1 of Orbit!Verse
  Collections:
      Supernatural_and_J2_Big_Bang_2010
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-07-12 Completed: 2010-11-24 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 71187
****** Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit ******
by Viridescence
Summary
     Jared and Jensen are in love, have been for most of their lives.
     There is just one tiny little problem: Jensen is imaginary, and they
     can only be together in Jared's dreams. How can Jared ever find true
     love in the real world when his heart belongs to a figment of his
     imagination?
Notes
     Title: Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit
     Author: Kaleidoscope Heart
     Note: This fic was originally posted on my LJ under my old name
     silver_ariel, but I have since changed my LJ username to
     viridescence. I am posting all of my Jared/Jensen fic here under my
     Dreamwidth username, kaleidoscopeheart. If you want to read this fic
     on my LJ, here is the Master_Post.
     Artist Name: dreamers_dh
     Fandom: Supernatural RPF/CW Network RPF
     Genre: RPS AU, J2, Romance
     Pairing: Jared/Jensen (primary); Other pairings along the way: Jared/
     Sandy (blink and you'll miss it), Jared/OMC, Jensen/OMC, Jared/
     Justin, mentions of Jared/Tom/Mike, Jensen/Steve
     Rating: NC-17
     Word Count: ~70,000
     Warnings: explicit male/male sex, underage sex, infidelity. An
     abundance of schmoop and gratuitous sex. An abundance of cussing.
     Dealing with homophobia and bigoted people. Abuse of emdashes, lol.
     This is a journey, folks, so it takes a while to get there. But the
     journey helps make the ending more satisfying, IMHO.
     Disclaimer: This is a work of FICTION. I do not own Jensen, Jared, or
     any of the characters who have real lives, and it's a pretty safe bet
     that none of this EVER happened and that this story in no way
     reflects the actual sexual orientation or relationships of the real
     people included in the story. No harm is intended. No profit is being
     made. I’m just borrowing their names and likenesses to play in my own
     alternate universe.
     Note: Written for the 2010 spn_j2_bigbang challenge.

        [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/
                                  header.jpg]

                       Download the entire story in PDF!
                            DropBox or RapidShare

                                Art_Master_Post
                            (CONTAINS FIC SPOILERS)
[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/projekt02-1.jpg]
                (GO_LOOK_AT_THE_GORGEOUSNESS by dreamers_dh!!)


                          Deluxe_Edition_Soundtrack_


                                Disc_1:_Jared*
                                    DropBox
[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/soundtrackjay02-
     2.jpg][http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/
                           soundtrackjay02back.jpg]

                                Disc_2:_Jensen*
                                    DropBox
[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/soundtrackjen02-
     2.jpg][http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/
                          soundtrackjen02back-1.jpg]
                     Download at DropBox: Disc_1 || Disc_2
                   Download at RapidShare: Disc_1 || Disc_2

*NOTE! The Kane songs on this soundtrack are NOT by Christian Kane. They are by
                        a Dutch band of the same name.
                                     * * *
Credit for this soundtrack goes to my artist, dreamers_dh. I gave her a very
long list of songs that I liked and thought fit the story, and she narrowed
them down and put them together into this soundtrack for me when I didn't have
time to do it myself. I'm thrilled with the songs she chose to represent my
story. Thank you, Sissi. *hugs*
***** One *****

                    Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit

                                      One

Summer,_1989
Jared scowled as he buried his Spiderman figurine under a bucket of sand.
&#x201C;You&#x2019;ll never defeat me, Spiderman!&#x201D; he growled. &#x201C;I
am Sandman; your spider-powers are no match for me!&#x201D; He dug his hand
into the sand and brought the action figure to the surface, just the head, and
changed his tone. &#x201C;We&#x2019;ll see about that, Sandman!&#x201D; he
crowed in Spiderman&#x2019;s voice, and then made sound effect noises like
Spiderman was casting his webbing. Spiderman pulled himself out of the sand
(with accompanying grunts and straining) and swung over to the top of the
railroad tie that was holding the sand in the box.
Next to the railroad tie was a foot, which definitely hadn&#x2019;t been there
a moment ago. There was someone standing right next to Jared, just outside the
sandbox, and he looked up to see a boy who seemed a little older than Jared. He
had light green eyes, freckles, floppy sandy-blond hair, and was smiling at
him.
&#x201C;Uh&#x2026;&#x201D; Jared said stupidly, feeling a blush creep up his
neck. This kid looked friendly and&#x2026; cool, there was no other way to
describe him, and Jared felt like a total eight-and-three-quarters-year-old
dork who still plays with toys.
&#x201C;Hi!&#x201D; the boy said, still smiling. &#x201C;Is that
Spiderman?&#x201D; He sounded excited.
Jared looked down at the figurine in his hand, then back up at the boy, and
didn&#x2019;t feel so dumb anymore. &#x201C;Yeah!&#x201D; he grinned. &#x201C;I
have the Sandman and the Green Goblin, too!&#x201D; Jared picked up the other
action figures and lifted them up in the air to show the boy.
The kid sat down on the railroad tie, so Jared didn&#x2019;t have to look up at
him anymore. &#x201C;Cool! I love Spiderman, but my Mom keeps getting me
Transformers stuff. Which is okay, but I like Spiderman better.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Me, too!&#x201D; Jared grinned at him and let the boy hold the Green
Goblin and his Glider.
&#x201C;How come you&#x2019;re playing all by yourself?&#x201D; the boy asked.
&#x201C;My sister&#x2019;s going to a birthday party,&#x201D; Jared said and
let out a long-suffering sigh. He pointed across the park to his Mom, who was
currently surrounded by a dozen five-year-old girls who were having a tea party
or playing dress-up or pretending to be My Little Ponies or whatever weird
stuff little girls did at birthday parties. &#x201C;My brother is old enough to
get out of coming, but I couldn&#x2019;t.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Oh,&#x201D; the boy said. &#x201C;I have a little sister, too, and she
is so annoying sometimes.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Totally,&#x201D; Jared agreed. He loved Meggie, but she was such a
baby.
The other boy just grinned at him for a moment, then dropped down into the
sandbox with Jared. &#x201C;So can I hang out with you?&#x201D;
Jared&#x2019;s smile got even bigger. His family had just moved to New
Braunsfels, Texas from San Antonio, and he hadn&#x2019;t made any friends yet.
His brother Jeff had quickly bonded with some older kids up the street, and
Meggie had summer kindergarten and had immediately made friends with all the
girls in her class, but Jared just hadn&#x2019;t met any kids his age yet. And
school wouldn&#x2019;t start for another couple of months, so he&#x2019;d been
pretty lonely. Especially now that his dog Boots was gone. So Jared really
wanted to be friends with this boy who seemed totally awesome. &#x201C;Yeah!
I&#x2019;m Jared!&#x201D; he exclaimed. &#x201C;Jared Padalecki. What&#x2019;s
your name?&#x201D;
The boy scowled. &#x201C;I hate my name. It&#x2019;s a stupid name. Who gives
their kid a last name for a first name?&#x201D;
Jared wasn&#x2019;t sure what to say about that. &#x201C;It can&#x2019;t be
that bad,&#x201D; he tried. &#x201C;This girl at my old school, Jamie? Her last
name was Wilfahrt. Now that would suck to have as a first name.&#x201D;
The boy sniggered, and his green eyes sparkled in the sunlight.
&#x201C;Wilfahrt?!&#x201D; He broke into loud giggles and rolled onto his side
on the railroad tie, clutching his stomach. &#x201C;Will&#x2026; fart!&#x201D;
he gasped between cackles.
Jared sniggered, grinning at the guy who was laughing so hard. &#x201C;I know!
She was nice, but her name was harsh.&#x201D;
The kid sat back up, still chuckling a little. &#x201C;Oh man, that would suck
so hard to have as a first name. My first name isn&#x2019;t that bad, but I
like my middle name better. It&#x2019;s an actual first name.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Alright, what&#x2019;s your middle name?&#x201D; Jared asked. He was
still really curious, but if this boy would be his friend, then Jared would
call him by whatever name he wanted.
&#x201C;Ross.&#x201D; Ross looked over at Jared and smiled. &#x201C;Hi Jared,
I&#x2019;m Ross Ackles. Wanna be friends?&#x201D;
Jared grinned so big he swore it hit his ears. &#x201C;Yeah!&#x201D; He shoved
his hand out to Ross, whose face lit up with his smile.
&#x201C;Awesome,&#x201D; Ross said, shaking Jared&#x2019;s hand.
Jared&#x2019;s palm felt warm where Ross&#x2019;s skin touched his, and
happiness bloomed in his stomach. He suddenly felt like jumping around for joy.
He finally had a new friend!
&#x201C;So, where was your old school?&#x201D; Ross asked.
&#x201C;San Antonio,&#x201D; Jared answered. &#x201C;We just moved here, for my
Dad&#x2019;s job.&#x201D;
&#x201C;What does your Dad do?&#x201D; Ross asked.
&#x201C;He&#x2019;s an engineer. He got a new job here in this city. My
Mom&#x2019;s a teacher, and she&#x2019;s going to work at a school here. We
just moved in a couple of weeks ago, and we still have stuff in boxes
everywhere!&#x201D;
&#x201C;Well, welcome to the neighborhood!&#x201D; Ross flung his arms wide as
if he were the neighborhood welcoming committee. &#x201C;What grade are you
in?&#x201D;
&#x201C;I&#x2019;ll be in fifth grade starting this fall,&#x201D; Jared
replied.
Ross frowned and slumped. &#x201C;Dangit. I&#x2019;ll be in seventh, so I
won&#x2019;t be at the same school as you. I&#x2019;ll be in middle
school.&#x201D;
Jared scowled. He&#x2019;d just made his first friend, but he wouldn&#x2019;t
be able to see him at school. And that meant that Ross was two years older than
Jared, and in Jared&#x2019;s experience, cool kids didn&#x2019;t like to hang
out with younger kids.
Jared was just starting to mourn the loss of his only friend, when Ross said,
&#x201C;We&#x2019;ll just have to hang out after school.&#x201D;
&#x201C;You&#x2019;d be okay with hanging out with me after school? Even though
I&#x2019;m in fifth grade?&#x201D; Jared asked skeptically.
Ross gave him a look like he wasn&#x2019;t making any sense. &#x201C;Yeah, why
wouldn&#x2019;t I?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Well, my brother Jeff never likes to hang out with me, and he&#x2019;s
fourteen. And the older kids never want to play. They&#x2019;re too focused on
being cool.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Well then they&#x2019;re being stupid,&#x201D; Ross retorted. &#x201C;I
think your brother doesn&#x2019;t like to hang out with you because he&#x2019;s
your brother. I have an older brother, Josh, and he does the same thing. All he
cares about is his car and his girlfriend. He says I&#x2019;m just the
pipsqueak annoying little brother. It&#x2019;s written somewhere in the manual
of brothers that the older one has to pick on the younger one and the younger
one thinks the older one is a jerk.&#x201D; He nodded like he&#x2019;d read
this manual cover to cover and knew what he was talking about.
Jared grinned. &#x201C;Yeah, that sounds about right.&#x201D;
Ross grinned back at him. &#x201C;Well, I think you&#x2019;re pretty cool, and
we just promised to be friends, so who cares if you&#x2019;re younger than
me?&#x201D;
Jared beamed at him. &#x201C;Awesome! Wanna go climb on the jungle gym?&#x201D;
he asked, as if it would seal the deal.
Ross looked over at the playground equipment and grinned. &#x201C;Yeah. Bet I
can beat you there!&#x201D; he said and promptly jumped to his feet and started
sprinting across the grass.
&#x201C;Hey, no fair!&#x201D; Jared shouted and clambered after him. It took a
moment, because he&#x2019;d got himself buried down in the sand a bit, but he
dashed after Ross, who was laughing loudly.
Predictably, Ross beat Jared to the jungle gym, but not by much. He turned
around and faced Jared, panting, and grinning smugly. &#x201C;I win!&#x201D;
Jared slammed into the bars right next to him. &#x201C;Only because you got a
head start!&#x201D;
Ross giggled. &#x201C;Yeah. Wanna race for real?&#x201D;
Jared looked at the park. &#x201C;How about to the slide and back?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Okay,&#x201D; Ross nodded. &#x201C;The one who wins is fastest runner
in the park!&#x201D;
Jared thought for a moment, and then grinned. &#x201C;Yeah.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Okay. Ready?&#x201D; Ross asked, then crouched into a runner&#x2019;s
squat.
Jared did the same, and then as one, they yelled, &#x201C;Ready, set,
go!&#x201D;
This time Ross didn&#x2019;t have a head start, but he was just a bit bigger
than Jared, and had slightly longer legs. Jared ran as fast as he could,
wanting to impress the older boy, and they touched the slide only a second
apart.
&#x201C;Come on slow poke!&#x201D; Ross hollered.
&#x201C;Slow poke?&#x201D; Jared gasped, and put on another burst of speed,
feeling his feet pound against the grass.
They crashed into the bars of the jungle gym at exactly the same time.
&#x201C;Ha!&#x201D; Jared crowed. &#x201C;Can&#x2019;t be a slow poke if we
tied!&#x201D;
&#x201C;Okay,&#x201D; Ross grinned, panting.
Jared threw his arms up in the air and bounced. &#x201C;And the title of
Fastest Runner in the park goes to Jared and Ross!&#x201D;
&#x201C;Woohoo!&#x201D; Ross yelled, and then broke out into song. &#x201C;We
are the champions, my friend!&#x201D;
Jared joined him for the next verse. &#x201C;And we&#x2019;ll keep on fighting
till the end! We are the champions, we are the champions!&#x201D; They were
both dancing around like dorks, but Jared didn&#x2019;t care. He hadn&#x2019;t
been this happy since before Boots died last Christmas.
&#x201C;Jared!&#x201D; His mother&#x2019;s voice cut into their rendition of
Queen.
Jared spun around and saw his Mom walking in their direction.
&#x201C;Jared, it&#x2019;s time for the birthday cake and to open
presents,&#x201D; she said.
&#x201C;Cool!&#x201D; Jared grinned. That was the best thing about being
dragged to this stupid birthday party. Other than meeting Ross of course. Jared
never said no to cake. Especially chocolate cake. &#x201C;Can Ross come,
too?&#x201D;
His Mom gave him a strange look and opened her mouth to speak, but then a girl
shrieked at the top of her lungs. Sharon whipped around to see Meggie crying,
looking like she was gearing up for a major tantrum. &#x201C;Uh oh,&#x201D; she
sighed, heading back toward the girls to try to help prevent a meltdown.
&#x201C;Come on, Jared, if you want any cake,&#x201D; she called over her
shoulder.
&#x201C;But Mom, can Ross come too?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Fine,&#x201D; she said without looking back at him.
&#x201C;All right!&#x201D; Jared pumped his fist and turned to Ross.
&#x201C;Let&#x2019;s go get some cake!&#x201D;
Ross grinned and jogged with him toward the picnic tables.
Thankfully the girls had already dug into their cake and were playing with
unwrapped toys, so they were preoccupied enough to not be annoying little brats
to Jared and Ross. Jared&#x2019;s mother was talking to another mom, so Jared
just put two pieces of cake on his plate, grabbed a couple of forks, and a big
cup of punch.
&#x201C;Let&#x2019;s go sit over there,&#x201D; he said, gesturing to the next
table over, one partially hidden by a tree.
They ate off the same plate, battling each other with their forks for the last
globs of icing. Ross grinned at Jared with chocolate icing all over his teeth,
and Jared laughed so hard he fell off the bench.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]
After that, Jared saw Ross every day over the summer. Ross would come to
Jared&#x2019;s house and they&#x2019;d play in the back yard, building forts
out of folding lawn chairs and having light-saber fights with foam noodles. Or
they would meet at the park, and chase each other all over the jungle gyms and
slides until they couldn&#x2019;t breathe and would collapse on the grass. And
every time that Ross would look over at him and grin, his teeth white in the
sunshine and his green eyes sparkling, something in Jared&#x2019;s stomach
would flutter happily and Jared felt like he was never going to have a better
friend than Ross.
It was even more fun because he got Ross all to himself. Meggie was at summer
kindergarten, Jeff was old enough to go to his friends&#x2019; house on his
own, and Erica, Jared&#x2019;s babysitter while his mom and dad were at work,
was content to let Jared and Ross play in the yard without bothering them
except to tell him when she&#x2019;d made snacks. Jared thought she was weird,
because she would sit in the living room and watch Days of Our Lives and other
boring daytime shows. Jared wouldn&#x2019;t have minded watching cartoons or
playing on the Nintendo if he could have wheedled her into giving up the
television, but it was more fun to make his own adventures with Ross.
They were currently camped out on their stomachs underneath a blanket propped
up by two lawn chairs, just lying together and talking. Ross was warm along
Jared&#x2019;s side, and they kept kicking their feet together.
&#x201C;I want to get a dog,&#x201D; Ross said.
&#x201C;I had one, but she died,&#x201D; Jared said softly, feeling a pang of
loss at the memory. He hadn&#x2019;t thought about Boots in a long time.
&#x201C;Oh, man, that sucks,&#x201D; Ross said, and bumped Jared&#x2019;s
shoulder with his own. &#x201C;How did she die?&#x201D;
&#x201C;She got hit by a car,&#x201D; Jared said. &#x201C;We were playing
Frisbee in the park, me and a bunch of kids, and she was running around in
between all of us, trying to catch it. Then Ryan made a bad toss, and it flew
out into the street, and she chased it and got run over.&#x201D;
They were both silent for a moment, during which Ross leaned closer to Jared.
&#x201C;I&#x2019;m sorry,&#x201D; Ross said.
&#x201C;She was my best friend,&#x201D; Jared replied. &#x201C;I was so mad at
Ryan over it at first, but it was an accident, really. Ryan offered to get us a
new dog, but I don&#x2019;t want another dog, not yet anyway.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Yeah, I get that. Maybe when you&#x2019;re older,&#x201D; Ross
suggested. &#x201C;So I guess I won&#x2019;t be getting you a puppy for your
birthday.&#x201D;
Jared laughed softly. His birthday was coming up and his family was asking him
what he wanted. Just as long as they didn&#x2019;t get him clothes again,
he&#x2019;d be happy. &#x201C;Yeah, that&#x2019;s probably a good idea. I think
Mom would have a cow if it wasn&#x2019;t something she okayed first.&#x201D;
&#x201C;When is your birthday party, anyway?&#x201D; Ross asked.
&#x201C;Next weekend. You&#x2019;re coming, right?&#x201D;
&#x201C;I&#x2019;ll have to check with my Mom, but I&#x2019;ll try real hard. I
wanna be there when you turn the big nine.&#x201D; Ross grinned cheekily at
him.
&#x201C;Shut up,&#x201D; Jared growled. &#x201C;Not like you&#x2019;re that
much older and wiser, oh mighty eleven-year-old.&#x201D;
Ross snickered. &#x201C;Still older than you. I&#x2019;ll get my
driver&#x2019;s license before you.&#x201D;
&#x201C;And you&#x2019;ll get grey hair before me, too,&#x201D; Jared retorted,
sticking his tongue out.
Ross laughed some more. &#x201C;I&#x2019;ll hit puberty before you.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Ew, and then you&#x2019;ll probably go girl-crazy like Jeff and
you&#x2019;ll abandon me.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Ew, no way,&#x201D; Ross said with a scowl. &#x201C;Girls are gross.
Josh is girl-crazy, too, always talking about boobs, and I just don&#x2019;t
get it. They&#x2019;re always giggling and shrieking and putting paint on their
faces.&#x201D; He shuddered, and Jared could feel it along his side.
Jared laughed. &#x201C;Totally.&#x201D;
&#x201C;And you&#x2019;re my best friend,&#x201D; Ross said, his eyes dark
green in the shade of the blanket. &#x201C;You&#x2019;ll always be my best
friend, even if you&#x2019;re a little pipsqueak.&#x201D;
Jared was touched for about two seconds, before the insult set in. &#x201C;Hey!
I am NOT a pipsqueak! You&#x2019;re only a couple inches taller than
me!&#x201D;
&#x201C;That makes you short, pipsqueak!&#x201D; Ross smirked.
Jared stuck his tongue out at Ross again. &#x201C;Won&#x2019;t always be that
way,&#x201D; he said. &#x201C;All the guys in my family are tall. Jeff is
already about five-eight, and he&#x2019;s only fourteen. Dad is six-two. All of
my uncles are over six feet tall.&#x201D;
Ross looked Jared up and down dubiously. &#x201C;Well, I guess we&#x2019;ll
just have to wait and see. Until then, you&#x2019;re a pipsqueak!&#x201D;
Jared shoved Ross with his shoulder, and Ross burst out laughing. Jared shoved
him again, and Ross rolled over, knocking the folding chair over and collapsing
their fort. The blanket fell in Jared&#x2019;s face, and he ended up lying with
his head on Ross&#x2019;s stomach, laughing so hard he couldn&#x2019;t breathe.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Jared pouted all the way through his birthday party. It was just his family,
and they didn&#x2019;t just get him clothes&#x2014;he got some more action
figures and games for the Nintendo, too, which was really cool. But even though
he'd had fun, Ross wasn&#x2019;t there.
&#x201C;What&#x2019;s wrong?&#x201D; his Mom asked him when he was spending
more time mashing his cake up with his fork than eating it.
&#x201C;Ross didn&#x2019;t come,&#x201D; Jared answered.
&#x201C;Jared, honey, I&#x2019;m worried about you,&#x201D; she said.
&#x201C;You&#x2019;re spending all your time playing with Ross, but I&#x2019;ve
never met him.&#x201D;
Jared looked up, pole-axed. &#x201C;What? Of course you have! I met him at
Meggie&#x2019;s friend&#x2019;s party! You said he could have cake with
us!&#x201D;
His Mom frowned, looking thoughtful. &#x201C;Yes, I remember that, but I
don&#x2019;t remember ever seeing another boy.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Mom, there were like twelve dozen little girls there,&#x201D; Jared
pointed out. Surely she&#x2019;d just been distracted?
&#x201C;Hmm&#x2026;&#x201D; She bit her lip. &#x201C;Okay,&#x201D; she conceded
after a moment. &#x201C;But the next time he comes over, I want to meet
him.&#x201D;
Jared nodded. &#x201C;Sure, Mom. I just wish he&#x2019;d been able to come to
my party.&#x201D;
His Mom gave him a gentle squeeze. &#x201C;I&#x2019;m sure he wanted to, if
he&#x2019;s as good of a friend as you say he is. Maybe something happened with
his family and he couldn&#x2019;t come.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Yeah, okay,&#x201D; Jared shrugged. He hoped something wasn&#x2019;t
wrong and spent the rest of the party worrying about his best friend.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
Jared woke up to a tapping noise. He sat up blearily in bed, thinking
he&#x2019;d dreamed it. But then he heard it again. Tap, tap, tap. It was
coming from his window.
Jared climbed out of bed and pulled up the blinds.
&#x201C;Psst! Jared!&#x201D;
Jared opened the window and pressed his face to the screen. Ross was standing
in the flower bed and using a stick to knock on Jared&#x2019;s window.
&#x201C;Ross?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Hey, man!&#x201D; Ross grinned with relief.
&#x201C;What are you doing here?&#x201D; Jared asked, though he was really
happy to see him.
&#x201C;I couldn&#x2019;t miss your birthday, moron,&#x201D; Ross whispered.
Jared looked over at his alarm clock. It read 11:47. &#x201C;You just barely
made it,&#x201D; he grinned. &#x201C;What happened today?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Can you come outside?&#x201D; Ross asked. &#x201C;I want to give you
your present.&#x201D;
Jared thought for a moment. His parents would be asleep; they both had to work
early in the morning, and Jared was really glad that their room was on the
second floor in the back of the house. &#x201C;Yeah, go to the front porch.
I&#x2019;ll be there in a minute.&#x201D;
Ross&#x2019;s smile gleamed in the moonlight.
Jared pulled on pajama bottoms and socks, and then ran his hand through his
hair. He carefully crept down the hall and out the front door, making sure to
not let the screen door slam.
Ross was standing by the steps, holding a small box. &#x201C;Hey,
Jared,&#x201D; he said softly, and then stepped forward to give Jared a hug. He
smelled like sweat and stale car upholstery, and grass and boy. Jared squeezed
him tightly for a moment before pulling back.
&#x201C;I&#x2019;m really sorry I missed your party, Jared,&#x201D; Ross said.
&#x201C;Josh had a soccer tournament in another town, and that ran way long,
and they won so they had a team party with all of the families at this
restaurant that took forever, and then Mom wanted to do some shopping while we
were there before the stores closed, and we didn&#x2019;t get home until after
dark, and then I had to wait for everyone to go to sleep because they
didn&#x2019;t want me coming over to see you this late.&#x201D;
Jared just grinned stupidly at the way Ross was rambling on. It was kind of
funny, like maybe Ross was nervous.
&#x201C;Okay, I forgive you,&#x201D; Jared said.
&#x201C;Oh good,&#x201D; Ross beamed and let out a huge sigh of relief.
&#x201C;I didn&#x2019;t want you to be mad at me.&#x201D;
&#x201C;You&#x2019;re my best friend, Ross,&#x201D; Jared said. &#x201C;Even if
we got mad at each other, we&#x2019;d make up, right?&#x201D;
Ross grinned again. &#x201C;Right.&#x201D;
&#x201C;And you came over so you wouldn&#x2019;t miss my birthday. That gets
you some extra best friend points,&#x201D; Jared said confidently.
&#x201C;Ooh, cool, does that mean I can get you to do me a favor or something?
Get you to mow the lawn for me?&#x201D; Ross smirked.
&#x201C;No, jerk,&#x201D; Jared laughed and shoved him. &#x201C;It just means
that you get a bonus five points on the awesome friends card. It&#x2019;s how
we prove how good of friends we are.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Oh, okay then.&#x201D; Ross smiled, and then he shuffled his feet a
little, suddenly looking nervous again. &#x201C;I couldn&#x2019;t get you
anything big for your birthday, but when I saw this I thought of you.
Um&#x2026; happy birthday, Jared.&#x201D; He shoved the small, unwrapped box
into Jared&#x2019;s hands.
Jared opened the box and gasped. &#x201C;It&#x2019;s Boots!&#x201D; It was a
small porcelain figurine that was a near-replica of his dog. It wasn&#x2019;t
exact, but it was close enough. Jared turned around and held the figurine up to
the porch light so he could get a better look at it. It was a little German
Shepherd that had black feet, with her tail frozen in a wag and a playful grin
on her face, just like Boots always had. There was a small scratch of JRA on
the bottom&#x2014;Ross had marked it for him. Jared was stunned, and wondered
absently for a second what the J stood for, but then Ross started rambling
again.
&#x201C;You showed me her picture, and I thought this would be a good way to
remember her. I know it&#x2019;s not something cool like a new X-Men toy or a
Nintendo game, but&#x2026;&#x201D;
&#x201C;It&#x2019;s great, Ross,&#x201D; Jared choked. His eyes were blurring
with tears, and he took a deep breath to try to rein in his emotions. Boys
don&#x2019;t cry, Jared, you&#x2019;re nine now, he scolded himself.
&#x201C;It&#x2019;s awesome. I got a bunch of toys and games at the party,
anyway. This is way better than any of that stuff.&#x201D; He quickly wiped at
his eyes and turned back around to face Ross, who was biting his lip nervously.
&#x201C;Really?&#x201D; Ross said, unsure.
Jared beamed at him. &#x201C;Really. I&#x2019;ll put her on my desk. Thank
you.&#x201D; Unable to stop himself, he gave Ross another hug.
&#x201C;Awesome,&#x201D; Ross breathed into his neck, and squeezed him back.
Jared pulled away and grinned. Ross returned the smile, his eyes glowing golden
in the yellow porch light.
&#x201C;I&#x2019;d better get back home,&#x201D; Ross said.
&#x201C;Yeah, and I&#x2019;d better get back inside,&#x201D; Jared answered.
&#x201C;See you tomorrow?&#x201D;
&#x201C;Definitely!&#x201D; Ross agreed as he hopped down their front steps.
&#x201C;Night!&#x201D;
&#x201C;Night!&#x201D; Jared called softly, waving. He stood there for a long
minute, watching Ross jog down the sidewalk, and then went back in the house,
making sure the screen door didn&#x2019;t slam.
He smiled all night in his sleep.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Every morning when he got out of bed, Jared would touch the little figurine of
Boots. Ross continued to come over during the day when Jared&#x2019;s parents
were at work and Erica the babysitter watched who knows what on the television
and talked to boys on the phone all day. Ross would be busy with his own family
on the weekends, which was okay with Jared. He&#x2019;d be happy to spend every
day with Ross, but he understood.
Some days they hung out in Jared&#x2019;s back yard, and other days they went
down to the park and played catch or shared gummi bears on the swings.
&#x201C;So how come you haven&#x2019;t asked me about my first name?&#x201D;
Ross asked Jared one afternoon in early August.
It was hot, and they were both sitting on the swings, idly kicking back and
forth. Jared had spun around in his swing until the chains had twisted as much
as they could. He picked up his feet and the chains promptly un-twisted,
spinning Jared around rapidly.
&#x201C;I dunno,&#x201D; he said when he stopped spinning. It took a moment for
the world to stop whirling and right itself again. &#x201C;You said you hated
your name, and you&#x2019;re my best friend, so I&#x2019;m gonna call you by
the name you like.&#x201D; He shrugged. &#x201C;If you wanna tell me,
that&#x2019;s cool. I promise I won&#x2019;t make fun of you for it. But
it&#x2019;s also totally cool if you don&#x2019;t tell me.&#x201D;
Ross just eyed him for a moment, then started twisting his swing around like
Jared had done. &#x201C;You promise you won&#x2019;t tease me?&#x201D; he asked
softly.
&#x201C;Want me to pinky swear?&#x201D; Jared smirked.
&#x201C;Girl,&#x201D; Ross retorted. &#x201C;I&#x2019;m serious.&#x201D;
&#x201C;I know,&#x201D; Jared answered. &#x201C;Yes, I promise,&#x201D; he
said, putting his hand over his chest. &#x201C;I solemnly swear that I will not
tease you about your first name.&#x201D;
Ross lifted his feet and spun around for a minute while the chains untwisted.
His feet kicked out and just grazed Jared&#x2019;s knee. Jared swung around and
deliberately crashed into Ross as he unwound.
&#x201C;Jerk!&#x201D; Ross laughed, his eyes crossing and looking like he was
still dizzy.
Their swings tangled together, and it took them a moment to disentangle
themselves, Jared laughing the whole time. He tugged Ross off the swings and
dragged him over under a tree, sighing in relief as they reached the shade. He
dropped onto the grass, and Ross flopped down next to him, still chuckling.
Jared gazed up at the branches, watching the way the light played on the leaves
and how the blue of the sky fluttered through the green and brown.
&#x201C;Jensen,&#x201D; Ross said softly after a long moment of quiet.
&#x201C;My name is Jensen Ross Ackles.&#x201D;
Jared turned that over in his head. &#x201C;Jensen Ross,&#x201D; he murmured.
He felt Ross flinch next to him, as if he was bracing for a taunt. So he rolled
onto his side and propped his head up on one arm, grinning at his best friend.
&#x201C;Jensen Ross. I like it. It&#x2019;s different, but&#x2026;
what&#x2019;s the word? Unique. There are a lot of Jareds out there, but I bet
there&#x2019;s only one Jensen.&#x201D;
Ross looked up at him through his lashes, green eyes soft in the shade.
&#x201C;Really?&#x201D; he asked hesitantly.
Jared nodded. &#x201C;Yeah, I really do like it. A lot. It&#x2019;s different,
but when I look at you, it makes perfect sense.&#x201D; And it did; it felt
right. Jared gazed at Ross, feeling closer to his best friend than he&#x2019;d
ever felt to anyone that wasn&#x2019;t his mom. Warmth spread in his stomach,
and he smiled. Jensen, Jared thought, feeling the name settle into his bones.
&#x201C;Yeah, it really suits you. But I&#x2019;ll still call you Ross if you
want.&#x201D;
Ross looked immensely relieved, and he smiled softly at Jared. &#x201C;Thanks,
Jared,&#x201D; he said, and Jared knew he meant thank you for being cool about
it.
&#x201C;No problem,&#x201D; he replied.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Summer crawled along, hot and muggy, and pretty soon they were nearing the end
of August. With school coming up, Jared&#x2019;s mom dragged him out shopping
for school clothes, complaining that he&#x2019;d grown a couple of inches since
summer started. Jared just grinned to himself and muttered, &#x201C;pipsqueak,
ha!&#x201D; under his breath.
&#x201C;What was that, honey?&#x201D; his mom asked.
&#x201C;Nothing. Just something Ross said.&#x201D;
His mom frowned, but Jared didn&#x2019;t understand why.
&#x201C;I still haven&#x2019;t met Ross,&#x201D; she said eventually.
&#x201C;He comes over during the day when you&#x2019;re at work, but he has to
go home before his parents come home. So he&#x2019;s gone by the time you get
back,&#x201D; Jared answered, looking at a shirt with Spiderman on the front.
He wasn&#x2019;t sure why this bothered his mom so much.
&#x201C;Huh,&#x201D; she said. &#x201C;Well, I&#x2019;ll just have to see if I
can come home early to meet him. He sounds like a good boy, and I want to know
who you&#x2019;re hanging out with.&#x201D;
&#x201C;Okay, sure, Mom,&#x201D; Jared shrugged. Ross was his best friend; of
course he wanted his mom to meet him and like him.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]
Jared and Ross were in the back yard, once again under the fort of folding
chairs and blankets, this time reading a comic book together.
&#x201C;Jared, your mom&#x2019;s home!&#x201D; Erica called from the kitchen
window.
Jared looked up from the comic and over at Ross. &#x201C;Oh, good. Mom&#x2019;s
been complaining about wanting to meet you. Maybe now she&#x2019;ll quit
nagging me.&#x201D;
Ross grinned. &#x201C;Okay.&#x201D;
They clambered out of the fort and headed back into the house, Ross just behind
Jared.
&#x201C;Hi mom!&#x201D; he said when he went into the kitchen. His mom was
standing there, writing Erica a check to cover the babysitting.
&#x201C;Hi honey,&#x201D; she said without looking up from her checkbook.
&#x201C;You&#x2019;ve been wanting to meet Ross, Mom, so here he is,&#x201D;
Jared said, stepping to the side so she could see his best friend.
She looked up at Jared, smiling, but then her smile gradually faded. Erica
looked at him like he had two heads.
&#x201C;Where is he?&#x201D; his mom asked.
Jared laughed, thinking she was joking. &#x201C;He&#x2019;s right here,&#x201D;
he said, grabbing Ross&#x2019;s arm.
&#x201C;Hi, Mrs. Padalecki,&#x201D; Ross said softly.
She didn&#x2019;t respond, just continued to look at Jared, concerned. Erica
giggled.
&#x201C;There&#x2019;s no one there, Jared. Don&#x2019;t play jokes on me. Tell
your friend to come out of hiding.&#x201D;
Jared&#x2019;s jaw dropped. Ross was standing right next to him, right in front
of the refrigerator. &#x201C;I&#x2019;m not playing jokes. Are you blind?
He&#x2019;s right here!&#x201D; He shook Ross a little to emphasize his point.
Ross looked over at Jared, clearly distressed.
His mother&#x2019;s face went from concerned to edging on panic. &#x201C;Jared,
the only boy in this room is you.&#x201D;
Jared looked over at Erica, who was starting to appear concerned herself.
&#x201C;Erica, you&#x2019;ve seen Ross, he comes over all the time.&#x201D;
&#x201C;I&#x2019;ve seen you playing by yourself all day in the yard, Jared.
You run around the yard and build forts, but you&#x2019;re always
alone,&#x201D; she said softly.
Jared looked over at Ross, who was clearly just as confused as he was, and
tried not to panic. &#x201C;No, he&#x2019;s real. He&#x2019;s real and
he&#x2019;s right here!&#x201D; Ross wrapped an arm around Jared and squeezed.
He smelled like boy and grass and Ross, and he was warm and solid against
Jared&#x2019;s side.
&#x201C;Jared&#x2026;&#x201D; his mother said softly, firmly, in her
&#x201C;let&#x2019;s stay calm and reasonable&#x201D; voice.
&#x201C;&#x2026;Honey, there is no one standing next to you.&#x201D; And to
emphasize her point, she stepped forward, reached through Ross, and opened the
refrigerator door.
Jared shrieked and jerked backwards toward the counter, the edge digging
painfully into his spine. His mom pulled out a jug of sweet tea, right through
Ross&#x2019;s chest, and set it on the counter. She then walked through Ross
and cupped Jared&#x2019;s face.
&#x201C;Honey, Ross isn&#x2019;t there,&#x201D; she said, her brown eyes
worried. &#x201C;He&#x2019;s not real. He&#x2019;s imaginary. Sweetie,
you&#x2019;re too old to have imaginary friends.&#x201D;
Jared barely noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. &#x201C;But
he&#x2019;s real, he&#x2019;s my best friend in the whole wide world! He has to
be real!&#x201D; He looked past his mom&#x2019;s shoulder at Ross, who was pale
and clearly in shock. Ross looked so terribly sad that Jared&#x2019;s heart
broke right there.
&#x201C;Jared, I&#x2019;m real, I know I&#x2019;m real,&#x201D; Ross pleaded,
his voice wavering. &#x201C;You&#x2019;re my best friend, too, Jared!&#x201D;
&#x201C;No, Jared, there&#x2019;s no one there,&#x201D; his mom said again, her
voice soothing. &#x201C;He&#x2019;s not real.&#x201D;
Jared spent another long moment just staring at Ross, his green eyes glistening
with tears as he hugged his arms to his chest. &#x201C;Jared&#x2026;&#x201D; he
whispered. And then Ross just&#x2026; vanished. Dissipated. Dissolved into thin
air.
Jared gaped at the empty space where Ross was just standing, for a few seconds,
and then felt his heart shatter. &#x201C;Ross! Ross! No! Where did you go?!
Ross! He&#x2019;s gone! No! He&#x2019;s gone! Ross! Mom, bring him
back!&#x201D; He started sobbing hysterically, his whole world yanked out from
underneath him.
His mother gathered him into her arms, carding her fingers through his hair.
&#x201C;Erica, you&#x2019;d better go home,&#x201D; she said softly. Jared
barely heard her as he wailed his anguish into her chest. The screen door
banged shut, and Jared knew he was alone with his mother.
She picked him up and carried him to his room, cooing softly into his ear as he
bawled. Jared barely registered the trek, only noticing when she set him down
on his bed.
&#x201C;Oh baby, it&#x2019;s okay,&#x201D; she soothed. She pulled his shoes
and socks off and tucked him under the covers, snuggling him closely.
&#x201C;It&#x2019;s going to be okay, Jared,&#x201D; she whispered into his
hair. &#x201C;You&#x2019;re going to be okay, honey.&#x201D;
Jared cried himself to sleep curled up in his mother&#x2019;s arms.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
When Jared woke up several hours later, his eyes felt swollen and burned, and
his throat was raw. His mom wasn&#x2019;t in the room anymore, but he could
hear her voice in the kitchen, along with his father&#x2019;s. He heard the
words &#x201C;psychiatrist&#x201D; and &#x201C;imaginary friend&#x201D; and
&#x201C;too old,&#x201D; but he couldn&#x2019;t quite make out the rest of what
they were saying. He could tell that they were worried from their tone.
He stared up at the ceiling, completely confused and just wrung out.
He&#x2019;d spent his whole summer with his best friend Ross, who wasn&#x2019;t
even real. Who vanished into thin air in his kitchen, right before his eyes.
Was his mom right? Was Ross imaginary? Had he been so lonely for a good friend
since Boots died that he just made one up?
Jared looked over at his desk, and there she was&#x2014;the figurine of Boots
that Ross had given him for his birthday.
Jared rolled over and buried his face into his pillow, sobs of anguish starting
anew.

  [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/teaserjared-
                                    1.jpg]
***** Two *****


                    Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit

                                     Two

Autumn,_1993
     Jared is in the park, standing near the sandbox. A breeze rustles his
     hair, and it sounds like a whisper, low and soft and familiar. He
     turns to his side, expecting someone to be there, but all he sees are
     the swings, rocking gently in the wind. He turns again—the slide and
     the jungle gym. He feels like he’s missing something, but doesn’t
     know what. He walks over to the swings, feeling the blades of grass
     poke up between his bare toes, and then the warmth of the sun-baked
     sand when he reaches the swings. He sits down on one, and instead of
     pushing off, he starts spinning around, twisting the chains. As he
     lifts his feet off the ground to whirl back around, he hears a boy’s
     laughter, bright and golden.
     The feeling of missing something intensifies, a pull in his heart,
     but he can’t tell what the pull is toward. Suddenly he’s standing
     next to the jungle gym. He’s tall enough now to reach the top bar
     without climbing. He leans up against the metal bars and digs his
     feet down into the sand, looking up at the blue sky through the
     swaying leaves of the trees. The breeze brings him faint whiffs of
     grass, sunshine, and a spice Jared can’t name.
     “We are the champions, my friends!” he hears two boys singing.
     And Jared knows that it’s not a “what” that he’s missing, it’s a
     “who.”
     “Ross,” he whispers, standing straight up.
     Off by the trees at the edge of the park is a tall boy with floppy
     dark-blond hair and green eyes, and the pulling sensation in his
     chest intensifies. It’s tugging him forward, toward Ross.
     “Ross!” he shouts, feeling overjoyed at seeing his friend. Jared
     starts to run toward him, but Ross disappears, vanishing into thin
     air.
     Jared shouts again, desperate this time. He feels drawn to nowhere,
     now, and it makes his chest ache. “Ross! Where are you?!”
     He reaches the spot where Ross had been standing and whirls around,
     searching for any sign of his friend. All he hears is the breath of
     the wind, the rustling of the leaves, the ba-thump of his own
     heartbeat. Sunlight dances on the ground, dappled by green and grey
     shadows.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
Jared bolted upright in his bed with his heart pounding like he’d been running.
His blankets were tangled up around his legs.
“Holy crap!” he breathed, willing his heart to slow down. He had dreamed of
Ross occasionally in the four years since that summer, but never that vividly,
and never with that sense of desperately missing him.
Jared straightened out his blankets and fell back on the bed. He still missed
his friend—Ross had seemed so real—but he never talked about him anymore. Best
to let his parents think he’d grown up and moved on. He didn’t need to get
dragged to a shrink again, only to be pronounced fine, again, like he had then.
But he still wondered about that summer a lot, wondered how he could have spent
a whole summer by himself with an imaginary friend. Eventually he had given up
trying to explain it, forced himself not to think about it and move on. He
allowed himself to get caught up in school, his new friends, and his passion
for art.
But Ross had never disappeared from Jared’s focus entirely. There were times
when thinking of Ross helped Jared cope. Like when he wrecked his bike and
broke his arm, he imagined Ross was there with him in the hospital room,
cracking jokes and keeping his mind off the pain. Or when he got caught trying
to steal a comic book—the one and only time he’d ever attempted shoplifting—and
was grounded for a month, he knew that Ross would be disappointed in him, but
that he would still be Jared’s friend. Or the time his mom and dad had a big
fight and his dad left for a few days, Jared knew that Ross would give him a
hug and tell him it would be okay, that one fight didn’t necessarily mean
divorce. And then Ross would have said, “I told you not to worry!” with a big
shit-eating grin when Jared’s dad came back and made up with his mom. Thinking
about Ross always made him feel… comforted and loved.
And now, after that vivid dream, Ross was once again at the forefront of his
thoughts. He felt a gnawing need to remember Ross, to make him more than a
fleeting imaginary friend. The aching pull toward Ross he’d felt in his dreams
still lingered, and Jared rubbed at his chest. In the dim, pre-dawn light
shining through his blinds, Jared caught sight of the Boots figurine that Ross
had given him, and with the way his fingers itched to start sketching, he knew
that was a good place to start.
Jared looked at his alarm clock and groaned, snuggling into the covers. He
could start properly after the sun came up.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Jared burst into his room and dropped his backpack on the desk, sending the
sketch of a dog that he had been working on skittering across the faux-wood. He
picked it up and looked at it, comparing it to the figurine of Boots that he
kept on the shelf above his desk. It still wasn’t quite right.
A loud flump caught his attention, then, and he looked up to see his best
friend Sandy McCoy flopping onto the bed behind him. She shrugged her backpack
off her shoulders, dropping it to the floor with a thunk, and then ran her
fingers through her long, dark hair as she freed it from the ponytail she’d
been wearing. Despite her living half a mile away from him, they preferred to
do their homework together at Jared’s house, so she frequently came home with
him after school.
“Wow, Jared! That’s really good!” she said when she noticed the sketch in his
hands.
“Thanks,” he said, frowning, “but I’m not really satisfied with it. The nose
doesn’t look right.”
She stepped closer and squinted at the drawing. “You’re drawing that figurine?”
she asked, pointing to Boots.
“Yeah.” Jared’s voice was soft. He always felt weird talking to people about
the dog figurine, and left Ross out of the story entirely. He still wasn’t sure
how he’d gotten it, imaginary friends notwithstanding. He must have found it or
picked it up somewhere. He’d eventually decided that it was the universe’s way
of giving him a gift.
“Cool!” She picked up the figurine and turned it around in her hands. “I like
it, Jared. Where’d you get it?”
“I picked it up at a yard sale a few years ago,” he said, giving his usual
story. “It looked just like my old dog Boots, the one that died before we moved
here,” he said.
“Oh, wow, Jared. She was really pretty.”
“Yeah, she was. She was a good dog,” Jared said.
He’d told Sandy all about Boots when they first became friends four years ago,
when Jared had finally started school after that bizarre summer with Ross.
Jensen Ross, Jared thought wistfully. He’d had the exact same dream of Ross
several times since that night nearly a week ago. It still left him with a
sense of desperate longing to have Ross back in his life.
Sometimes he wondered if he could draw Ross’s face. He had decided that he
would; he would get better and better at drawing, until he could reproduce on
paper the images of Ross in his head. He could still remember Ross’s bright
green eyes, the freckles dusted across his nose and cheeks, his floppy, sandy-
blond hair, long on top but short in the back. The way his smile lit up a room,
and his laugh made Jared feel light and happy.
“Jared?”
He looked up, startled out of his thoughts. “Yeah?”
Sandy was looking at him curiously. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answered, smiling at her.
“You looked like you were miles away.”
“Just remembering,” he said.
“Good memories?”
“Mostly, yeah.” He took the dog figurine from her hand and put it back on the
shelf. “We’ve got work to do, though,” he said, opening up his backpack. “I
can’t believe that Mr. Frasier is making us do a writing project on The Hobbit.
Why not a book report?”
“I like the idea,” Sandy said. “It makes us actually think about the
characters, and try to imagine what the characters would do in a different
situation.”
Jared pondered this, and then shrugged. “True. Well, how should we do this?”
She hopped onto his bed and grinned, and Jared knew that she had the whole
story plotted out in her head already.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]

     Jared dribbles the basketball on the concrete driveway, focusing on
     passing it through his legs without bouncing it into his knees. The
     ball kicks up dust as it strikes the pavement, and Jared can feel
     sweat sliding down his spine.
     “Still a pipsqueak, I see,” comes a voice to Jared’s right, and Jared
     spins around, surprised.
     Standing next to the driveway is Ross. Ross, who looks a little older
     than Jared remembers him, taller now, wider across the shoulders.
     Still a little bowlegged, with bright green eyes and freckles
     sprinkled across his slightly tanned skin. His hair is shorter now,
     but still longer on top, looking tousled.
     “Ross?” Jared asks, his jaw dropping. The ball bounces away from him
     onto the grass.
     “Hi Jared,” Ross grins. “It’s been a while.” His voice is deeper now,
     too—he’s gone through puberty, obviously. Jared can see the more
     prominent Adam’s apple of his throat. Ross is two years older than
     Jared, which would make him about fifteen now. Jared is amazed at how
     good he looks.
     “Ross?!” Jared still can’t quite believe it. “Am I dreaming?”
     “Yes, this is a dream, Jay,” Ross answers, stepping closer to Jared.
     “Doesn’t matter, though. I’ve missed you.”
     “I’ve missed you, too,” Jared answers sincerely. “Holy crap!” Jared
     jumps forward and grabs Ross, pulling him into a hug, noticing that
     yes, Ross is still taller than him, and that he’s definitely
     developed some muscle tone. For a moment Jared feels like an awkward
     thirteen-year-old, all knees and elbows, but from the way Ross is
     squeezing the life out of him, it’s clear that Ross doesn’t mind.
     Ross laughs, and when they pull apart, they’re not in the driveway
     anymore, but in Jared’s room. Jared doesn’t blink at the change in
     scenery. He’s starting to be aware that he is dreaming, but he really
     doesn’t care. Ross is here, his Jensen Ross.
     “How’ve you been?” Jared asks, not wanting to let him go.
     Ross leads them to sit down on the bed, not letting go of Jared,
     either. “Good, mostly,” he said. “Just going to school, writing,
     playing tennis, and hanging with my friends. I start Driver’s Ed this
     summer, and then Josh will have to share the car with me!” He grins,
     and his whole face lights up, green eyes sparkling.
     Jared beams right back at him. “Awesome! I can’t wait to get my
     driver’s license. I hate having to take the bus.”
     “Yeah, my friend Chris? He’s a year older than me, so he has his
     license already. He has a car of his own, too, and it’s socool to
     have our own wheels.”
     “I bet. That’s awesome.” Jared is totally jealous. Not only is Ross
     getting his license, he already has friends with a car. How cool
     would it be to not be tied down?
     “What about you, Jay?” Ross asks. They are still sitting so close
     their thighs are touching, and Ross’s arm is wrapped around Jared’s
     waist. It feels normal, natural. Jared likes it, and he puts his arm
     around Ross’s shoulders in return.
     “I’m good. Just going to school, hanging with my friends, working on
     homework, drawing, playing basketball…”
     “Still think you’re going to end up tall like your dad, huh
     pipsqueak?” Ross teases, his lips quirking up.
     “Yes, damn you!” Jared shoves at Ross’s shoulder, but Ross just rocks
     back and knocks Jared’s shoulder with his own, laughing. “Jeff is
     already six foot three. I bet I’ll end up taller than you, Ross, and
     then you’ll be the pipsqueak!”
     “We’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?” Ross says, and then his smile
     fades a bit.
     “What is it?” Jared asks.
     “Nothing,” Ross says. “Not really. It’s just that I kind of like
     people calling me Jensen now.”
     Jared blinks. “Really? You hated your name.”
     “Yeah, I did. But you liked it so much that I started thinking about
     it, and yeah, I kind of like it now. It’s unique. So I go by Jensen
     now. And it’s all yourfault.”
     Jared beams at him. “My fault, huh? I’ll gladly accept responsibility
     for that. I always liked your name. I’m just used to calling you
     Ross.”
     “You can if you want,” Ross—no, Jensen—says. “I don’t mind. I like
     that you call me Ross. You were the only one who called me the name I
     wanted to be called back then. Everyone else called me Jensen,
     whether I liked it or not. Or worse, Jenny, like I was a girl.
     IHATEDthat. But you made me like ‘Jensen’. So you can call me either
     Ross or Jensen.”
     “But not Jenny,” Jared teases.
     “NOT Jenny, Jared,” Ross—Jensen—confirmed, scowling. “I hate being
     called Jenny.”
     “Then I won’t ever call you Jenny,” Jared promises. “You’re my best
     friend, Jensen. I’ll call you whatever name you want me to.” He
     pauses. “Jensen,” he says, thinking, and then smiles to himself. “I
     still really like it.”
     Jensen grins at him. “Thanks, Jared.”
     “Just don’t be surprised if I sometimes slip and call you Ross. It’s
     what I’m used to calling you. That or Jensen Ross. You’ve always been
     Jensen Ross in my head.”
     “It’s okay either way. I’m just so glad to see you again.”
     “Me, too. I’ve really missed you. I’ve made some other friends since
     that summer—Sandy’s my best friend. She’s really cool and I like her
     a lot. But I’ve still missed you.”
     “Same here, Jay. I have Chris and Jason and Steve and Danneel.
     They’re awesome, but… they’re not you.” Jensen reaches up and brushes
     his fingers through Jared’s bangs. “There’s something special about
     you…” he says softly.
     A wave of something tingly flows through Jared then, making his
     stomach flutter and his heart skip. He doesn’t know how to describe
     it, but it feels good. He wants to be closer to Jensen, but he is
     suddenly nervous, and can’t explain why. He blushes and looks down at
     Jensen’s collar.
     “I think you’re special, too, Jensen,” he whispers.
     Jensen just stares at him, and they sit there in a comfortable
     silence for a moment.
     “So, you’re fifteen or sixteen now?” Jared asks. “Finally in high
     school? Is it cool? Do you have a girlfriend?”
     Jensen blushes. “I’ll turn sixteen on March first,” he says. “High
     school is cool. But no, I don’t have a girlfriend. Girls who are
     friends, yeah, like Danneel, but…” he trails off and chews on his
     bottom lip, looking suddenly nervous.
     “What is it?” Jared asks.
     “Jared, will you promise not to hate me if I tell you something?”
     Jared is alarmed. “I could never hate you,” he promises.
     Jensen gives him a wry smile. “Even if I told you that I murdered
     someone?”
     Jared scowls at him. “One, you could never do that. And two, I could
     never hate you. I…” Jared can’t explain just how much Jensen means to
     him. “Just… No.” He shakes his head and then goes serious, concerned.
     “What is it? Are you okay?”
     Jensen still looks wary. “Yeah, I think so. Maybe. I haven’t told
     anyone this yet, but I think you’re safe to tell.”
     “Whatever it is, I’ll still be your friend, I promise.”
     “Well…” Jensen takes a deep breath. “It’s just that… I don’t think I
     like girls all that much. I mean, I like them fine as friends, but I
     don’t like girls like that.”
     “Oh.” Jared thinks about that for a moment. Jensen doesn’t like
     girls. Does that mean…? “Does that mean you like guys like that?” he
     asks, not pulling away from Jensen. “Because if you do, that doesn’t
     matter to me.” And it’s true. In fact, there is a little pleased
     feeling in his chest at the thought. Jared is glad that his Jensen
     Ross isn’t going to go all girl-crazy like Jeff did, and ignore him.
     “Really?” Jensen looks up at him like he was sure Jared would get mad
     at him, or not want to be around him.
     “Yes, really,” Jared answers. “You’re my friend, Ross—Jensen. I don’t
     care if you like guys.”
     Jensen just gapes at him for a moment, then grabs him into a hug,
     squeezing Jared tightly. Jared breathes in, and yes, this is his
     Jensen Ross—male, grass, sweat, sandalwood, and Jensen.
     “Thank you, Jared,” Jensen breathes into his hair. “I don’t think my
     parents will be as accepting.”
     “Really? Why?” Jared blinks. He can’t imagine anyone’s parents not
     loving their kids no matter what.
     “Well, they’re religious, and I hear my Dad talking crap about
     ‘queers and faggots’ sometimes, and they make fun of the Pride Parade
     every June. So I don’t think they’ll understand.”
     “Well, if you really are gay—” It is the first time either of them
     have used that word, and Jared pauses to make sure it is okay with
     Jensen “—then they’ll have to come around. You can’t change who you
     are. And I’ll always be your friend, no matter what.” He gives Jensen
     another squeeze.
     “Thanks, Jared.”
     Jared grins. “So. You gonna start sporting a rainbow flag?”
     “Har har,” Jensen says dryly. “Not likely any time soon. But maybe
     eventually. After high school. That’s not exactly something people
     would accept at my school.”
     Jared nods in understanding. His school isn’t very tolerant of gay
     people, either. “Well, I’ll always support you. I’d march with you in
     a parade if you wanted.”
     “Dork,” Jensen laughs and shoves at Jared’s shoulder, but his eyes
     are bright and happy.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Jared woke up and rolled over to stare at the ceiling, feeling severely
disappointed. It had just been a dream. Jensen was just a dream. But it had
felt so real. Ross—no, Jensen—had even grown up. He wasn’t the twelve-year-old
boy Jared remembered anymore. He’d looked so good, so happy. And Jared missed
him. But it had been nice to see him again, imaginary or not. He kind of liked
the idea of keeping his friendship going with Jensen in his dreams, because he
was somehow certain that he would be dreaming of Jensen Ross again.
With that thought accepted and settled into his gut, Jared shoved his hand into
his boxers to take care of the morning wood he’d woken up with. Sometimes he
hated being a teenager. On the other hand, he thought as he squeezed the head
of his cock and pleasure shot through him, beating off was a lot of fun.
Only this time, it was Jensen’s face that took him over the edge.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]
A couple of weeks later, Sandy and Jared were at Jared’s house, working on
their homework. This time they were sprawled out in the living room,
alternating between homework and Sandy kicking Jared’s ass at Sonic 2 on the
Sega.
Jensen had continued to show up in Jared’s dreams several times since that
first night, and every time, the dream proceeded as if it were real. In the
dreams, Jared didn’t know he was dreaming or that Jensen was imaginary. It was
like they were back in that summer before he learned that Ross never
existed—how they just flowed together, their friendship easy and close, how
they could talk about anything and everything, and how Jensen knew just what to
say to make Jared laugh, and how Jensen’s whole body would light up when Jared
made him laugh. And every time he woke up from a dream like this, Jared was
achingly hard. This wasn’t really all that odd—he was thirteen, after all—but
every time, it was images of Jensen that he jerked off to, that made him come.
It was starting to make him wonder—
“Jared!”
Sandy’s voice snapped Jared out of his thoughts. Startled, he looked up from
his paper. “What?”
“I’ve been talking to you for several minutes, and you obviously haven’t heard
a word of it. What’s going on?”
Jared blinked. He’d been thinking about Jensen, and about jerking off to images
of Jensen in his head. And wow, that was not something he should be thinking
about in front of Sandy. He blushed hotly and mumbled, “Sorry.”
She obviously could tell he was embarrassed, because she grinned evilly at him.
“Jared, what were you thinking about?” she teased, poking him in the ribs. “Or
should I say, who were you thinking about?”
Jared blushed even deeper. He couldn’t say ‘my imaginary friend who just came
out to me and I think I like him, so what does that mean?’ He didn’t know what
to say at all, and he fidgeted for a moment.
“Um… no one you know,” he managed eventually. “I was just wondering… how do you
know if you like boys or girls?”
Sandy sat back, surprised by the question. “Well, I suppose you just like who
you like. My aunt is a lesbian, and she said that she doesn’t hate men, she
just isn’t attracted to them and likes women better. Why are you asking?”
“I had this… dream,” he muttered, squirming in his seat. God, he was probably
purple by now.
“And it made you wonder?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s okay. It’s okay to wonder right now. You’re thirteen.” She
paused, looking nervous. “Maybe this will help. Or not, but hey…”
Jared was about to ask her what she meant, but she suddenly leaned over and
kissed him.
Jared sat there in shock for a moment, completely surprised. He’d never ever
imagined kissing Sandy before—she was a friend, just like one of the guys. He
could feel her plump lips against his, pressing, and… shouldn’t he be excited
about this? He was getting his first, non-family member kiss, and all he could
think about was that it felt just like when his aunt kissed him. Nice,
affectionate, but not something to feel goofy about.
She pulled back from him and blushed. “Erm… did you like that?”
Jared rubbed at his lips and thought about it. “It was okay… but… I dunno.”
“Well… what if Derek Seyler kissed you?” she asked.
Derek was a boy in Jared’s grade, but he was a bit older than Jared, and he’d
hit puberty early. All the girls loved him, said he was gorgeous. Derek was the
class heartthrob, and all the guys were envious. Jared sat back and imagined
Derek kissing him, and his stomach fluttered excitedly. He thought again about
Jensen—what if Jensen kissed him? He started getting hard in his jeans. He drew
up his knees to hide the tenting in his lap.
Sandy smirked at him. “Well, that’s an answer for you,” she said, still
blushing.
“Sandy… you kissed me!” Jared blurted, because it finally registered with him.
“It’s okay, Jared,” she said, dropping her eyes to her lap. “I thought you
might like me, but I didn’t know for sure…”
“I do like you! You’re one of my best friends.” Jared found himself wondering
if maybe he didn’t enjoy the kiss because it was Sandy, that maybe he would
have liked it if it was a different girl. But he couldn’t think of any girl
that he would actually want to kiss to try it out with. Maybe that meant
something…
“And that’s okay, Jared,” Sandy said, interrupting his musing. “I was mostly
trying to help. I like being your friend better anyway. Because if we went out,
what if we broke up? I wouldn’t want to not be your friend anymore.”
Jared nodded. “Me, too. Thanks, Sandy.”

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]

     Jared is at his desk, working on a sketch of a still life: a stack of
     books, pens, and other random stuff from his desk. Jensen is lying on
     his bed, working on his homework. Jared wonders about them doing
     their homework in his dream, and if that’s a reflection of just how
     boring he is. But it’s nice to just hang with Jensen.
     Jared’s hand keeps moving, scratching the pencil into the paper, but
     his mind wanders back to his conversation with Sandy.
     “Sandy kissed me the other day,” he says.
     Jensen looks up at him, grinning. “Yeah? Awesome! How was it?”
     Jared frowns. “It was… fine. I dunno. Aren’t you supposed to feel
     fireworks or something when you kiss?”
     “I haven’t ever kissed anyone who isn’t family, so I don’t know. Josh
     says kissing is awesome, though. And he spends hours attached at the
     lips to his girlfriend, so he would know.” Jensen sits up, setting
     his notebook aside, and moves to the edge of the bed to sit closer to
     Jared. “Why, wasn’t it good when Sandy kissed you?”
     “It didn’t feel any different than when my aunt or my Mom kisses me,”
     Jared says. He puts down his pencil and turns his chair around to
     face Jensen. Their knees knock, and a little thrill shoots up Jared’s
     spine.
     “Well, that sucks.”
     “Yeah,” Jared replies. “I think I just don’t like Sandy like that.”
     Jensen nods, seemingly taking that as an answer. But Jared has been
     thinking about this for a couple of days. “Have you ever kissed a
     guy?” he asks.
     Jensen looks back up at him, his eyes wide. “No,” he says.
     “But you’re gay, right? So if you haven’t ever kissed a guy, how do
     you know you like guys?”
     Jensen frowns. “Jared…”
     “I mean, I really want to know, Jensen. Sandy asked me if I would
     like it if a guy kissed me instead, and I… I don’t know. I thought
     about you, and I started wondering. How do you know if you like
     guys?”
     Jensen takes a deep breath. “Well… it’s more than kissing. I like the
     way guys are shaped, the hard, broad lines of their shoulders… When I
     get… you know… excited,” he waves his hand around his lap, making an
     obscene gesture. “It’s always guys I think about. I think that girls
     are pretty and stuff, but they don’t make me… aroused.” Jensen’s face
     is an adorable shade of red by this point.
     “Huh. Well, then me too,” Jared says. He isn’t going to tell Jensen
     that he jerks off to thoughts of him, but he can at least admit to
     not thinking about girls. “I don’t know. I think that maybe I might
     like guys, too.”
     Jensen gapes at him a moment, and Jared screws up his courage. “Would
     you… should we…?”
     “What, Jay?” Jensen asks. He’s leaning forward now, his face closer
     to Jared. “Would you like to try it out, see for sure?”
     Jared leans forward, too, and nods. “Yeah. That way you know what
     it’s like to kiss a guy, and I’ll know if I like it better than
     kissing Sandy.”
     “You sure?” Jensen asks, inching forward.
     Their noses are nearly brushing, and Jared’s heart is pounding. This
     is already way better than kissing Sandy, and they’ve only talked
     about it so far. Rather than answer Jensen directly, Jared closes the
     distance between them, mashing their lips together. It actually hurts
     a little, the way his teeth bang into Jensen’s.
     “Mmph!” Jensen grunts in surprise. “Whoa there, Jared,” he says,
     pulling back.
     “Sorry!” Jared gasps, feeling his face go crimson.
     “No, it’s okay,” Jensen smiles. “Let’s try that again, but softer
     this time.”
     “Okay,” Jared agrees, and everything slows down.
     Jensen’s palm comes up against Jared’s cheek, caressing softly. His
     thumb grazes Jared’s bottom lip, and Jared hitches in a breath,
     feeling his skin tingle. His groin is already starting to ache
     pleasantly, just from that touch. He leans forward, but decides to
     let Jensen take the lead this time.
     Jensen stares at him for a moment, his eyes so vivid, dark and green,
     and Jared is amazed.
     “Jay,” Jensen whispers, and then brings their mouths together.
     Oh God, Jared thinks. This is incredible. Jensen’s lips press against
     his, soft and moist, and little sparks of sensation flicker through
     Jared’s body. He hums a little moan and reaches his arms around
     Jensen, pulling him closer. The scent of Jensen, whiffs of
     sandalwood, wafts over him, and it’s so arousing. He opens his mouth
     a little, wanting more, but not knowing quite what ‘more’ entails.
     Jensen replies with a soft moan of his own, and wow, that was
     thrilling to hear, and opens his mouth, tonguing across Jared’s
     bottom lip.
     “Oh God,” Jared mumbles into Jensen’s mouth, and then he continues
     the kiss, sliding his tongue against Jensen’s. That feels so amazing,
     Jared thinks, afraid he might come in his pants. Jensen’s tongue is
     pressing into Jared’s mouth, his hands are weaving into Jared’s hair,
     and holy crap, Jared mightreallycome in his shorts.
     Jensen finally pulls away, gasping, his lips swollen, wet and red.
     “Wow,” he says, panting.
     “Yeah,” Jared agrees, also panting. He glances down and can see that
     Jensen’s jeans are tented, just like his own. “Holy shit, that was
     way better than kissing Sandy,” he says after a moment. In fact, he
     would love to continue kissing Jensen all day. “What did you think?”
     he asks.
     Jensen grins at him, his eyes sparkling. “That was frickin’ awesome,
     Jared.”
     Jared grins back at him. “Yeah, it was.” He wants to do more of it,
     actually. “Can we do it again?”
     Jensen laughs. “Sure, Jared, it’s our dream, we can do whatever we
     want.” And he leans forward to bring their mouths together again.
     Oh yeah, these dreams with Jensen are awesome, Jared thinks as he
     slides his tongue out to meet Jensen’s. And he knows for sure that he
     at least likes Jensen, a LOT.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Shortly after kissing Jensen in his dream, Jared hit puberty. It felt like it
happened nearly overnight; one day he was still a boy, the next he had sprouted
hair in strange places, his voice started cracking, and his face broke out in
zits. He shot up several inches in just a few months. He’d always figured he’d
end up being tall, given his Dad’s and his brother’s height, but he was really
unprepared for just how fast he outgrew his clothes, and the way his shins
ached all the time.
“I just bought you a new pair of jeans last month!” his mom complained when he
walked out into the living room one morning with the hems of his jeans dangling
a couple inches above his ankles.
“Are you sure you didn’t shrink them in the wash?” he replied, grinning.
“Because there’s no way I grew two inches in a month.”
She mock-glared at him, looking him over, and then her face went soft and all
motherly. “No, you’re definitely growing, Jared. God, you’re getting so big.”
“Mo-om,” he complained, blushing. And then he realized that he was looking down
at her. Shit, maybe he had grown two inches in a month.
“Jared is a bean-stalk!” Megan chanted when she came into the room. “Gonna be a
freaking giant, Jay-bear!” she teased.
“Shut up, Meggie!” he growled, and she sniggered when his voice broke.
“Jared the jolly green giant! All you gotta do for Halloween is paint your skin
green!”
“Yeah, and then I’ll squash you like a bug!” he threatened, reaching out to
swat her on the head.
His mom intervened before it could escalate. “Jared!” she scolded.
Megan stuck her tongue out at Jared, out of her mom’s field of vision.
“I saw that, Megan Leigh!” Sherry said sharply, and Jared stifled a chuckle at
the look of astonishment on Megan’s face at being caught. “Quit annoying your
brother!”
“Yeah, Meggie, quit being an annoying little twerp!” Jared said.
“And you,” his mom said, whirling around back and pointing a finger at Jared.
“Don’t egg her on.”
Jared harrumphed, but kept his mouth shut, scowling.
“Alright, Jared, let’s go see if any of Jeff’s old jeans will fit you,” Sherry
said, pulling him toward the stairs. “I kept a few pairs that he outgrew really
quickly, so they should be in decent shape.”
“Aww, mom, I don’t wanna wear Jeff’s old hand-me-downs!” Jared whined.
“Just until we can get to the store and get you some new ones, Jay,” she
assured, already heading up the stairs.
Megan made another face at him as he left the room, and he shot one right back
at her. God, she was annoying sometimes.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Another thing about puberty that really sucked was that he was horny all the
time. He still had dreams about Jensen in which they would just talk, but he
had a lot of dreams that were just fuzzy, blurry dreams about random, faceless
guys with hot, muscular bodies. Sometimes he would make out with these guys,
and sometimes the guy would morph into Jensen. He liked those dreams the best.
Jared frequently woke up with sticky boxers after the dreams with Jensen, to
the point where he started keeping a roll of paper towels under the bed.
At school, Jared had to walk around with his books over his crotch to hide his
semi-permanent hard-on, but he wasn’t the only guy doing that, by any means.
But he was the only guy who wasn’t obsessed with girls, at least as far as he
could tell. Sandy proved to be an awesome friend, because he could hang out
with her and no one suspected that his interest in her was strictly platonic.
He even took her to a couple of dances when she didn’t want to have to worry
about some guy pawing at her blossoming body or trying to pressure her into
making out with him when she wasn’t ready.
Sandy had hit puberty, too, and she was suddenly very curvy. Jared could
appreciate it from an aesthetic point of view, and he even thought about trying
to draw her sometimes, but he felt protective of her more than anything else.
He loved that he could talk with her about guys they both thought were hot, and
that she could confide in him that she wasn’t ready to get physical with anyone
yet. She helped him accept that he was actually gay, that it was more than just
liking Jensen. They protected each other, and everyone else thought they were
going out, even Jared’s family. Neither Jared nor Sandy were inclined to tell
anyone the truth just yet.
Jared continued to periodically have the vivid, almost lucid dreams with
Jensen, too. In these dreams, he just talked with Jensen. Nothing else physical
happened between them for a while after that first kiss. Mostly they just hung
out with each other and talked a lot, about anything and everything. Jared
sometimes wondered about these dreams, how Jensen seemed so real, and he liked
to imagine that Jensen was real, and that they just connected in their dreams.
He learned that Jensen’s favorite classes were his English and Literature
classes, and he played on the Varsity tennis team. Jensen had a small circle of
close friends, but had no interest in being popular. Said it would bring too
much attention to him, and he needed to stay in the closet. His close friends
knew he was gay, but that was it. His two best friends, Steve Carlson and
Christian Kane, both a year older than him, were in the high school band, and
they were trying to start a small band of their own. Jensen complained about
how his fingers hurt from learning to play the guitar, but how he loved just
hanging with them and singing along. Sometimes Jared would dream of Jensen
singing, imageless, shapeless dreams in which he just heard the music and
Jensen’s beautiful voice, low and smooth. He loved those dreams, too, always
felt calmer and grounded after hearing Jensen sing in his sleep.
And then Jensen started seeing a guy named Tyler. This drove Jared a little
nuts, but he didn’t say anything. He and Jensen were only friends—that kiss had
been an experiment, not the start of a romantic relationship—and as much as he
felt possessive of Jensen, Jared knew he had no claim to him. He liked the idea
that Jensen had a life outside of the dreams, and even though as he wanted
Jensen all to himself, he preferred to pretend that Jensen was real, with his
own problems and places to go when Jared wasn’t dreaming about him. So he
didn’t try to control the dreams to make Jensen his and his alone.
Jensen had told him that was hoping to make it through high school before
coming out to his family. He knew his parents would never approve, but he hoped
he could keep up the deception until he went away to college, when they
wouldn’t have as much direct control over his life. Jared was a little worried
about coming out himself, but he was confident that his family would handle it
better than Jensen’s family. Or he hoped so, at least. But given that there
were no guys he was really interested in other than Jensen, he figured he could
wait a bit to tell his family.
Jared finished his eighth grade year with an A-minus average, excelling in Art.
He was thrilled to finally be moving out of middle school and into high school.
He was going from being the top dog to the peon freshman, but Jared didn’t
care. High school meant that he was getting older, closer to being an adult, to
finally being able to do things like get a job and his driver’s license, and to
having some freedom and independence, so he wouldn’t have to always rely on his
parents or Jeff to drive him around.
But then Jeff left to go to college in Austin, and all of a sudden, Jared was
the oldest kid in the house. It was strange at times, not having Jeff around to
tease him, pick on him, play basketball with him, or teach him how to wrestle
and throw a punch. Jared didn’t have an ally in keeping an eye on Megan
anymore, and it was kind of scary, knowing that he had sole big-brother duties
now. That was a lot of responsibility that he wasn’t used to. Sherry cried for
a week when Jeff left, alternating between bouts of “I’m so proud of him” and
“He’s going to eat nothing but pizza for a month!” Jared didn’t have the heart
to tell her that Jeff and his two best friends Dave and Bobby were probably
going to do a lot worse than eat nothing but pizza—they were going to party,
get drunk, get high, and get laid. Though from the red face Jeff was sporting
when he found condoms stashed in his backpack and his mother’s knowing grin,
Jared suspected that she probably knew.
And then, seemingly as fast as it came on, Jared was done with the worst of
puberty. His voice settled, pitched lower and smoother. His dick had gotten
bigger, something he was immensely pleased with, and his shoulders were broader
now. Before puberty, what little body hair he had was fine and uncolored,
whereas now he had soft, dark pubic hair with a small trail up to his navel,
armpit hair, and soft hair on his legs. He was starting to get a little bit of
facial hair, too, but not much anywhere other than his chin. The acne breakouts
on his face didn’t go away completely, but they calmed down quite a bit,
something else he was really pleased with. Jared was still growing and he knew
he had more growth spurts yet to come, but this spurt seemed to have slowed
down. He was glad the aching in his shins had faded away.
On the night of his fourteenth birthday, Jensen surprised him by telling him
that he and Tyler had split up. And then Jensen kissed Jared for the first time
in months—since they had first tried it out. Kissing quickly led to heated
making out, and within five minutes Jared had come in his pants, mortified.
Jensen had only chuckled against Jared’s mouth, rubbed himself to completion as
well, and then whispered “Happy Birthday, Jay,” in Jared’s ear. That was the
first time Jared really didn’t mind waking up with his underwear glued to his
pubes. Because that had been the best birthday gift ever.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]

Autumn,_1994
     “Man, high school is awesome,” Jared says as he plops down next to
     Jensen on the sofa. It’s a few months into his freshman year, and
     Jared is really enjoying it.
     “Finally made it to the big leagues, huh pipsqueak?” Jensen snarks.
     Jared elbows him in the ribs, grinning.
     “Small fish, big pond, yeah?” Jensen goes on, snickering.
     “I had another growth spurt! I’m almost six feet tall, now!” Jared
     retorts.
     “Almost doesn’t quite count, Jay,” Jensen smirks. “You’ve got a few
     inches to go before you hit six feet.”
     Jared eyes Jensen over. “Doubt you’re six foot yet, either, oh mighty
     Junior.”
     Jensen stands up. “Alright pipsqueak, let’s see who’s taller!”
     Jared hops up and stands toe to toe with Jensen.
     Who is still just a couple of inches taller than Jared.
     “Damn,” he mutters.
     Jensen grins in victory. “Ha! Still a pipsqueak!”
     Jared hooks his foot behind Jensen’s knee and topples him down onto
     the sofa. “I’ll show you pipsqueak!” he hollers, leaping on top of
     Jensen, pinning him down by the wrists.
     Jensen looks surprised for a couple of seconds, and then his face
     turns mischievous. “Think you’re tough, huh?” he says, and then
     suddenly Jared is on his back, Jensen on top of him, looking smug.
     The sofa is now a king-sized bed, and Jared grins. God, he loves
     these dreams with Jensen.
     “Oh yeah?” Jared growls.
     The resulting tussle ends when they roll off the bed and land on the
     floor in a heap of knees and elbows.
     Jensen, who lands on top of Jared, bursts out laughing. “I am the
     winner!” he cheers.
     Jared spends a long moment really tempted to continue the wrestling
     match, the competitive side of him yelling that he has to win this,
     but having Jensen on top of him like this is really hot. He shifts a
     bit—Jensen has him pinned with his wrists above his head, and he can
     see Jensen’s eyes darken as he realizes how hot this is, too.
     “So what do I win?” Jensen asks, dropping down to his elbows and
     shifting to line up his body with Jared’s.
     “What do you want?” Jared grins and shifts his hips, pressing up into
     Jensen and enjoying the feel of Jensen hard against him.
     Jensen answers by kissing Jared soundly, sliding his tongue into
     Jared’s mouth.
     Jared moans and opens his legs wider, allowing Jensen to press in
     deeper against him.
     God, he loves this, feeling Jensen’s tongue glide against his,
     pleasure shooting up his spine as Jensen rocks his hips against
     Jared’s. Jared moans as a particularly pleasurable thrust shoots
     electricity down to his toes. “Fuck yeah,” Jared mumbles against
     Jensen’s lips.
     Jensen moans in response and runs a hand down Jared’s side and just
     under his waistband. “Is this okay?” he asks.
     They haven’t done much more than make out and rub off together in
     their pants at this point, but Jared wants more. This ishisdream—he
     can do whatever he wants in it, and he wants to do so much more with
     Jensen. “Yeah,” he pants against Jensen’s lips. “Please.”
     “Yeah, Jared,” Jensen groans. His hand curls around Jared’s cock,
     pulling gently, and Jensen echoes Jared’s moan of pleasure.
     Jared takes advantage of his free hand and returns the favor, shoving
     his hand into Jensen’s shorts and squeezing Jensen’s cock tightly. He
     loves how it feels so soft but rock hard at the same time. How it
     feels similar but different from his own, thicker. He grips Jensen’s
     cock firmly and begins to jack him slowly.
     Even now it feels like a competition. Jensen grunts and retaliates by
     swiping his thumb over the slit of Jared’s cock, and holy hell, that
     feels good. Jared rides Jensen’s hand hard and twists his palm around
     Jensen’s cock, squeezing the head tightly as he strokes. Jensen bucks
     and whines deep in his throat, and then moves his mouth to a spot
     behind Jared’s ear, sucking and licking. Jared can hardly breathe
     from how hot that is, the way Jensen is moaning and moving against
     him, sending sparks of fire all over him. And then Jensen’s other
     hand finds its way to Jared’s nipple, tugging and pinching.
     The triple stimulation is more than enough to take Jared over the
     edge, and he comes messily into Jensen’s hand, whimpering, “Oh fuck,
     oh fuck, Jensen…”
     When he opens his eyes, Jensen is grinning down at him, smug. “I
     win,” he whispers, and then ruts into Jared’s fist, coming with a
     groan, his face flushing beautifully.
     The next thing Jared is aware of is being back in the bed, cleaned
     up. Jensen is curled up next to him, head resting on Jared’s
     shoulder, feet entangled.
     “So what’s so awesome about high school, Jay?” Jensen asks after
     they’ve caught their breath.
     Jared rolls onto his side to face Jensen, who pouts at having his
     pillow dislodged. He quickly snuggles back in once Jared is situated,
     though.
     “I feel like I’m getting closer, you know? When I’m done with this
     school, I’m done for good.”
     “Until college, of course,” Jensen says.
     “Well yeah,” Jared replies. “Of course. But then I’ll be on my own.
     An adult. I can choose my own classes and my own schedule.”
     Jensen nods, waiting for Jared to continue.
     Jared thinks for a moment, listening to Jensen breathing. “Our
     football team is kicking ass this year. We might take our division
     championship. Sandy made the cheerleading squad—she’s so cute in her
     little outfit—and I’m going to try out for the basketball team this
     year. Don’t know if they’ll put me on Junior Varsity or Varsity, but
     I’m tall enough and good enough, hopefully, to at least make one of
     the teams.”
     “You will,” Jensen assures. “As much time as you spend in the
     driveway practicing, I’m sure you’ll make the team. How is your art
     going?”
     “It’s great,” Jared says excitedly. “I’m learning SO much, and I
     totally LOVE my art teacher, Mrs. Bondurant. She’s great, super
     talented, and she’s teaching me about oil painting. And there’s this
     guy in my art class that I like a little.”
     Jensen cocks an eyebrow. “A guy?” he asks.
     Jared blushes and nods. “His name is Aaron Sutterfield.”
     “Aaron,” Jensen repeats, frowning.
     “Why the frown?” Jared asks. “Are you gonna be jealous?”
     Jensen shakes his head, but Jared knows he’s lying.
     “Liar. You ARE jealous!” he grins, part of him secretly pleased at
     the thought.
     Jensen scowls at him and huffs a sigh. “It’s just… I know this is a
     dream with you. But I can’t help but want you all to myself.”
     Jared’s heart feels warm. He feels the same way. “Here, Jensen,” he
     says, gesturing to the dream-room that they are in, “I am all yours.
     But I only have you here. I gotta have a life, Jen. And I didn’t
     complain when you went out with Tyler.”
     “I know,” Jensen grumbles, ducking his face into Jared’s shoulder. “I
     just wish…”
     “I know, Jen. So do I,” Jared answers.
     They are quiet for a moment, just lying beside each other.
     “So tell me about Aaron,” Jensen says softly, resigned.
     Jared sighs and shifts against Jensen, getting closer. “He’s a year
     older than me, and he’s an awesome artist. I can’t believe what he
     can do with an airbrush. His stuff looks so realistic, it’s amazing.”
     “What’s he look like?” Jensen asks.
     “Well, he’s got long blond hair—he keeps it in a ponytail—and he’s
     got these gorgeous blue eyes. He’s from California originally, so
     he’s got a bit of surfer dude in him. But he always wears eyeliner,
     and he doesn’t care if the jocks make fun of him for it. He totally
     does his own thing and doesn’t conform to what’s popular. I like that
     about him.”
     “Tortured goth artist type?” Jensen asks, grinning.
     “Well, not quite goth,” Jared answers. “Though he does wear a lot of
     black. And he does have the whole ‘suffering for my art’ thing going
     on. Does that make him goth?”
     “I dunno. Is he obsessed with pain and death?”
     Jared frowns. “I don’t think so.”
     “Whatever, so he’s a not-quite goth surfer dude. That’s an
     interesting combination,” Jensen says, laughing. “So are you going
     out with him?”
     “No,” Jared answers. “I don’t really know if he’s interested. Or if
     he’s into guys. It’s not like I can come right out and ask, ‘hey, do
     you like dick?’ I’d get clocked.”
     “Yeah, not in Texas, for sure,” Jensen replies. “But you think he
     might like you?”
     “I think so. I mean, he always sits by me in art class, and he’s
     showing me how to airbrush, and he did this awesome painting for me.”
     “Was it a painting of his dick?” Jensen smirks.
     Jared snorts and jabs him in the ribs. “How did you know?” he snarks.
     “Big eleven by seventeen painting of a huge, veiny penis, complete
     with hairy balls and oozing tip. I’m gonna hang it up on my wall and
     beat off to it every night. Mom will have a heart attack when she
     sees it.”
     Jensen’s eyes twinkle as he bursts out laughing. “Ass,” he chuckles.
     “No, Jensen, COCK,” Jared corrects, keeping his face as serious as he
     can.
     “Is it as big as mine?” Jensen asks.
     “Bigger, Jen,” Jared says, mock-seriously, and holds his hands up to
     demonstrate the size. “Foot and a half long, six inches thick.”
     “Gosh, Jay, he must really like you if he painted you a massive
     dick,” Jensen says in a breathless falsetto. “That or he wants to
     fuck you,” he says in his normal voice.
     Jared bursts out laughing and rolls his eyes. “Like that will ever
     happen. Jerk. No, it was a painting of a dog leaping into the air to
     catch a Frisbee. It was really good.”
     “He knows you like dogs?” Jensen asks, sounding surprised.
     “Yeah, he saw the drawings of dogs in my portfolio.”
     “What kind of stuff does he draw? Does he have lots of sketches of
     chicks with big tits?” Jensen asks.
     Jared thinks for a moment. “No, actually, he doesn’t. He does have a
     lot of sketches of guys on motorcycles, though.”
     “Girlfriend?”
     “Not that I know of. I hardly ever see him talking with girls outside
     of class discussions.”
     “Does Sandy like him?” Jensen asks.
     Jared frowns. He knows what Jensen is doing, and he’s half annoyed
     and half flattered that Jensen would try to be protective like this.
     It’s kind of sweet. “She doesn’t really know him,” he answers.
     “Totally different social circles. The other cheerleaders don’t like
     him much, but they’re all really snobby and stuck up. Sandy doesn’t
     like them much, but she has to put up with them since she’s new on
     the squad.”
     Jensen hums, frowning. “Is Aaron a good student?” he asks, not
     falling for Jared’s attempt to change the topic to Sandy.
     “Well, he aces art. Don’t know much about his other classes, because
     he’s a sophomore and we don’t have any other classes together.”
     “Sounds like you don’t know anything about him other than he’s a good
     artist who has pretty eyes, Jay.” Jensen frowns. “Don’t let him take
     advantage of you.”
     “He won’t do that, Jen,” Jared assures. “I won’t let him. But like I
     said, I don’t even know if he likes guys, or me for that matter.”
     “It sounds to me like he probably is into guys, and he might like
     you. All the straight guys I know who are taking art all spend a lot
     of time doodling girls with boobs. None of them doodle guys. And if
     he talks to you and gives you paintings, that’s probably a good sign.
     Just be careful, Jay.”
     “I will, worrywart. I’m a big boy now.”
     “That’s for sure,” Jensen grins, squeezing Jared’s shoulder. “Been
     hitting the gym, pipsqueak?”
     Jared nods. “I’m tired of being this scrawny, gangly guy.”
     Jensen runs his fingers over Jared’s pecs and down his abs, making
     him shiver. “I can tell. You look good, Jay. Keep it up, and you’ll
     fill out eventually.”
     Jared frowns. “Jeff bulked up a lot in high school. So I’m spending
     as much time lifting weights as I can. I’m tired of him being able to
     thump me.”
     “Trust me, Jared, you will definitely get bigger. I expect you’ll get
     taller, too; you’ll definitely fill out as you get older. You’ll
     always be pipsqueak to me, no matter how big you get.”
     Jared laughs and thwaps Jensen on the shoulder half-heartedly.
     Jensen just snickers and presses his face into Jared’s neck.
     Yeah, Jared really loves these dreams with Jensen.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]
“Good hustle out there today, Padalecki!” Coach Belnap said as Jared trudged
into the locker rooms dripping sweat behind all of the other guys who had tried
out for the basketball teams. His legs felt like jello after all the sprints
the coaches had made them run.
“Thanks, coach!” Jared replied, wiping sweat from his forehead.
The school held one big tryout session for all grades, and then picked out the
players for the Varsity and Junior Varsity teams. Jared was hoping to make the
Varsity team, but knew it was a long shot because he was just a freshman, and a
lot of the juniors and seniors were really good. But he had shot up a few
inches since last year, so maybe…
He got to his locker and noticed all of the other guys stripping off sweaty t-
shirts, and suddenly had to swallow. Skin. Lots of it, in a range of colors,
all of it gorgeous. Muscles. Sweat. Nipples. Hip bones and happy trails.
Christ.
Jared opened his locker and focused on his stuff, taking a deep breath. He so
did not want to pop wood in a locker room full of straight guys.
“Hey man, good job out there,” came a voice beside him.
Jared turned to see a squinty-eyed guy with spiky-blond hair standing a couple
of lockers over. Chad Murray, his mind supplied him. Football player. Freshman
football player on the Varsity football team, he was that good. And he was
popular.
“Thanks,” he said, a little unnerved that this popular jock was talking to him.
Jared wasn’t exactly shunned, but he wasn’t in the popular group, either. He
mostly hung out with Sandy, who, despite being a cheerleader, was still his
best friend.
“You too,” he added. “Chad, right?”
“Yeah! Chad Michael Murray, at your service,” he said, sticking out a sweaty
palm for Jared to shake.
“Jared Padalecki,” Jared answered as he shook Chad’s hand, grinning. “So you
play basketball as well as football?”
“Yup! Football is my number one, but gotta have something to do when that’s
over,” Chad answered, pulling off his shirt.
Jared quickly averted his eyes. He still noticed that Chad had some good muscle
definition, though.
“Dude! I see you hanging out with that cheerleader Sandy McCoy all the time!”
Chad commented, grinning, as he was stripping off his clothes.
“Um, yeah,” Jared stammered, not looking up.
“Man, she is smoking hot. You two dating?”
“No, we’re just friends,” Jared answered, pulling off his tank top. “She’s my
best friend, though,” he said sternly. “So hands off.”
Chad whistled and held up his hands in a placating manner. “Ooookay, man, no
problem.” He busied himself by rummaging through his locker.
The locker room was pretty empty now, with most of the guys in the shower
already. Jared grabbed his towel, wrapped it around his hips, and then shimmied
his shorts off from under the towel.
“Dude, what the hell?” Chad asked, looking at Jared like he was crazy. He was
also standing there stark naked, and Jared couldn’t help but look—Chad was
uncut, something Jared hadn’t seen in person before. It looked… strange. And
then he realized what he was doing and quickly averted his eyes, blushing. Wow.
“Sorry,” Jared mumbled, thinking he’d been caught looking.
“Dude, I’m not gay. I’m not gonna check you out,” Chad said, turning to face
Jared fully. “Are you homophobic or something?”
“NO!” Jared shouted, looking up. “Not at all! I just…” he trailed off, not
knowing what to say, and blushing furiously.
“Oh. Ohhh,” Chad said, his voice entirely knowing. He wrapped a towel around
his waist and sat down on the bench. “That explains the sneaky looks out of the
corner of your eye.”
Jared was on the verge of panic. He had NO idea what to do. He had finally
accepted that he was gay, but he hadn’t told anyone other than Sandy, and he
definitely didn’t want to be out at school yet. And now Chad Murray, popular
jock, knew.
Jared collapsed onto the bench and dropped his head in his hands. “Oh shit,” he
breathed, trying not to freak out. This was… fuck… Chad could ruin his life if
he wanted to.
“Dude, it’s okay, man,” Chad said softly.
“No, it’s not,” Jared gasped.
“Man, take a deep breath. I’m not going to out you.”
Jared looked up at him, surprised. He didn’t know Chad all that well, but he
looked surprisingly genuine. “You’re not?” he asked.
“No way would I do that to someone. My cousin Brock is gay, and he got found
out by some dick jocks, and they beat him up so bad they ruptured his spleen,
man. He had to spend several days in the hospital, and he transfered to a
different school, because his school wouldn’t do anything about what happened.
It’s not right. I wouldn’t ever do that to someone else.”
Jared just stared at him for a moment, speechless. “Are you for real?”
Chad smirked. “Abso-fucking-lutely!” He held his arms out and patted himself on
the chest. “I’m just that awesome!”
Jared snorted. “Or full of yourself,” he retorted.
“That too,” Chad replied, unconcerned. Then his face turned serious again. “So
you obviously aren’t out, and don’t want to be, right?”
Jared nodded.
“Who all knows?” he asked.
“Sandy, and now you,” Jared answered. And Jensen, but he didn’t say that.
“Wow, I’m on the inside of the small Padalecki circle. I’m honored.” Chad put
his hand on his heart like he was saying the pledge.
Jared laughed out loud this time, feeling a million times better. “Alright, why
don’t we hit the showers before all the other guys use up the hot water?” he
suggested.
At that moment, several very wet guys came back in from the shower area and
began drying off, causing Jared to completely lose his train of thought.
Because, dude, wet skin.
Chad shoved him toward the shower stalls, whispering in his ear, “Get a grip,
Jared, not all guys are as awesome as me.”
Jared snapped out of his daze. “Thanks,” he whispered back.
“Just don’t perv on me and we’ll be golden,” Chad replied, smacking him on the
ass.
“No problem,” Jared laughed and felt a weight lifted off of his chest. He’d
already seen all he ever wanted of Chad, anyway.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
That weekend, Jeff made the trip home from Austin. Jared’s parents were excited
to have him home, and over dinner they tried to catch up on all the gossip they
missed.
“Dave is moving out,” Jeff said between bites of salad. “He’s moving in with
his boyfriend Anthony.”
Jared felt his ears turning red as his brain shouted, “WARNING! WARNING!
WARNING!” at him. But he tried not to be noticed, focusing on his roast beef.
He did not want to get in the middle of this conversation yet. Dave and Bobby
were Jeff’s two best friends—they bonded almost immediately when the Padaleckis
moved into this neighborhood, and ever since had done everything together,
particularly getting in trouble. They had gone off to the University of Texas
at Austin together the year before, and the three of them were roommates in a
small apartment near campus. But Jared had never heard about Dave being gay
before now.
“Aw, that’s sweet,” his Mom said. “But will the school allow that?”
“They’re getting an apartment off-campus, so the school has no say,” Jeff
replied, and then stuffed his mouth full of meat. “Austin is pretty tolerant of
gays, anyway, so I doubt they’d care,” he mumbled around his food. “There’s a
good LGBT support community there.”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Jeff,” Sherri chided.
Jared couldn’t help but stare back and forth at his parents, who were decidedly
not freaking out about Dave being gay or moving in with his boyfriend.
“Well, good for them,” his Dad said. “Anthony is a good kid.”
Apparently that meant that his parents had met Anthony, so Dave being gay was
obviously old news.
“So what are you and Bobby going to do with Dave gone?” Sherri asked. “Are you
going to find a new roommate?”
“You guys are okay with Dave being gay?” Jared blurted, interrupting the
conversation and surprising himself. When his brain caught up with his mouth,
he cringed. Fuck, he had NOT meant to say that.
“There’s nothing wrong with it!” Jeff shouted, immediately jumping to his
friend’s defense. “Don’t tell me you’re going to be a homophobic bigot, Jared!”
“Jeff!” his Mom said sternly, as Jared stammered in shock.
“What? No!” Jared shouted. Why did people assume he was homophobic?
“BOYS!” his Dad hollered. “ENOUGH!”
Jeff and Jared both shut up mid-shout. Jared was fuming. Trust his dick brother
to jump to conclusions and start calling him names before he could explain or
find out what he needed to know—just how accepting his family was of gays.
“Jared,” his Mom said softly. “Of course we’re okay with Dave having a
boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with being gay.”
“I know!” Jared said quickly, defending himself. “I’m not a bigot, Jeff. I was
just surprised that you all are okay with it too.”
“Well, we love Dave; he’s been Jeff’s best friend for years. That wouldn’t
change just because he’s gay,” his Mom reassured.
“What does it matter to you, anyway?” Jeff asked, still glaring at Jared. “Dave
is my friend—it’s none of your business if he’s gay!”
“What does being gay mean?” Megan interrupted, looking shocked and confused by
the sudden argument at the dinner table.
Gerry glared at both Jared and Jeff, daring them to say a word. Neither of them
opened their mouths. He nodded, then, and focused his attention on Megan. “It
means that a guy wants to date other guys rather than a girl, or that a girl
wants to date other girls, rather than a boy,” he said.
“Oh,” Megan said, still looking confused. “But why?”
“Well, Megan,” Sherri said, “it isn’t something that they choose. You know how
you think that Jonathan Brandis and the New Kids on the Block are cute?”
Megan nodded, and Jared tried not to snort. She had plastered posters of the
gorgeous kid from Ladybugs and SeaQuest and the boy band all over her room, and
had been absolutely devastated when New Kids broke up, complete with waterworks
and hysterics that Jared had never seen out of her before. She was steadfastly
believing that the band would get back together soon.
“Well, gay boys think that boys are cute, too. Not girls. It’s just how they
are inside,” Mom continued.
“Oh, okay,” Megan nodded. “So there’s nothing wrong with it?”
“No,” Jared said, speaking faster than his parents. “There isn’t anything wrong
with it. But some people disapprove.”
“Why?” Megan pressed.
“Well, honey,” Gerry said, “they don’t understand. They think that it’s too
different, but there have always been gay people. Or they have a narrow
interpretation of the Bible and think that it’s a sin. Which it isn’t.”
Megan nodded again, seeming to accept this. “Oh, okay.”
“Which still doesn’t explain why Jared is all that interested,” Jeff
interjected.
Jared felt his face flush hot. “I don’t need a reason to be interested, Jeff!”
he shot back.
“What, are you gay, then?” Jeff retorted.
“Jeff!” Jared’s Dad barked.
At that moment, Jared loathed his brother. He crossed his arms and looked away,
fuming. “Jackass!” he muttered.
“Jared, watch your mouth!” his Mom scolded him.
There was a tense silence for a moment, until Jared couldn’t keep quiet any
longer.
“What if I was?” he asked quietly, looking firmly over at the wall, away from
the eyes of his family that he could feel staring at him.
Jared heard his father gasp in shock, and then there was a choking noise coming
from Jeff’s area of the table. This was followed by a long silence in which
Jared could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He tried not to panic. Oh shit,
oh shit, oh shit…
Then his mother put her hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure, Jared?” she asked
softly, concerned. “What about Sandy?”
Jared thought about his conversations with Chad, surreptitiously checking out
other guys in the locker room, his dreams of Jensen, kissing Jensen…
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he whispered, still not ready to face his family. “Sandy is
just a friend. She’s always only been my friend.”
“Oh honey, it’s…” his Mom said, her voice trembling, and then she took a deep
breath. “It’s okay, Jared. We still love you, no matter what.”
Jared felt his father’s hand on his other shoulder. “It won’t be easy for you,
Jared. This is not a very tolerant state, and people will be cruel. I… I just
want you to be safe. But your mom is right; we love you and we will support you
no matter who you date,” he said, squeezing Jared’s shoulder.
Jared finally looked up. His mother was giving a tremulous smile, her eyes
glistening, and his father looked serious—concerned but caring. Jeff was pale
and looking down at his plate.
“Jeff?” Jared asked, worried.
Jeff looked up. “I’m sorry, Jared,” he said. “I didn’t know… I didn’t mean to…”
He swallowed, took a deep breath, and then started over, giving a weak smile.
“Of course it’s okay with me. If anyone gives you crap for it, you just let me
know, and I’ll come down and kick their asses.”
Jared grinned, relief flowing over him. Jeff was six-foot-four and still
growing, so he could definitely kick someone’s ass if necessary. Sometimes it
was nice to have a gigantor for an older brother, when said gigantor was
picking on people other than Jared, of course.
“Do you have a… boyfriend?” his mom asked.
Jared thought first of Jensen, but then shook his head. “No. There’s a guy in
my art class I kind of like, but we’re not going out. I don’t even know if he
likes me.”
“Well, he’d be silly not to,” she said, patting his hand.
Jared felt so warm inside, and he struggled for a moment to avoid crying, just
knowing that his family wasn’t rejecting him. He hadn’t thought they would, but
there was always a niggling worry. Now, he knew he could count on them, and
despite Jeff sometimes being a dick and Megan sometimes being an annoying brat,
he loved them.
Megan grinned at him. “So do you think the New Kids on the Block are cute,
too?” she squeaked gleefully. “Which one is your favorite? Joey? Mine is Joey!”
Emotional moment broken, everyone around the table erupted in laughter.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]

     Jared opens his eyes and sees that he is leaning up against the trunk
     of a large aspen tree in the long, un-cut grass in the trees on the
     edge of the park. Off in the distance, through the foliage he can see
     the metal slide of the playground. Jared feels calm and relaxed, and
     he breathes in the cool, moist air, content. He plucks a long blade
     of grass, presses it taught between his thumbs, brings it up to his
     mouth, and blows firmly, which causes the grass to let out a loud
     honk.
     Jared can feel Jensen coming closer before he sees him; he can feel
     the slight tug in his chest, the one that draws him to Jensen,
     relaxing. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later, Jensen appears,
     walking toward him through the trees.
     Jensen grins at him as he sits down across from Jared. “Dude, a
     whistle is more flattering, you know,” he chuckles.
     Jared just smirks and honks the grass again.
     Jensen chuckles. “Alright, I’ll bite. How the hell did you do that?”
     Jared laughs. “You have to hold the blade between your thumbs like
     this,” he says, demonstrating. “Keep tension on it, but not so much
     that it rips. Then when you blow through the gap between your thumbs,
     the blade vibrates and honks.”
     Jensen tries, and he accidentally breaks the blade in half before he
     can even try whistling it. “Dammit,” he says, and plucks another
     blade to try again.
     Jared snickers. He takes Jensen’s hands, helping him put his thumbs
     into the right position. Jensen’s hands are soft, with coarse
     fingertips from playing the guitar. A little thrill runs through
     Jared as he touches Jensen’s skin.
     “There,” he says, “hold it like that. Taught, but not too tight. Then
     blow through there,” he says, running his fingers over Jensen’s
     thumbs.
     Jensen looks up at him, eyes dark and glittering. “Like this?” he
     asks, holding his hands up to his mouth.
     “Yeah, Jared replies. “Now blow.”
     Jensen does, but not firmly enough, because all Jared hears is air.
     “Harder than that. You have to make the grass vibrate.”
     Jensen tries one more time, and the blade lets out a high-pitched
     squeal. “Awesome!” Jensen says, and promptly breaks the blade again
     in his excitement.
     Jared laughs. “Dude, you suck!”
     Jensen tears up a handful of grass and throws it at Jared, who just
     leans back and laughs even harder. Jensen is so friggin’ adorable
     when he pouts like that.
     “So what’s up, man?” Jared asks once he’s settled down. He’s feeling
     so very content, in such a good mood. He plans on telling Jensen
     about his family, but he wants to hear about Jensen’s life first.
     Jensen shoots him a mock-scowl, but then he settles onto his side,
     head propped up on his hand. Jared kicks out his feet, props them
     over Jensen’s legs, and then starts idly shredding the blades of
     grass Jensen tossed on him.
     “Since when am I your footrest?” Jensen protests, looking like he’s
     trying for mock-offended, but just coming off as amused.
     Jared just grins cheekily at him. “Since now. Come on, Jen, I wanna
     hear what’s going on with you.”
     Jensen gives a long-suffering sigh, and then grins. “Things are
     pretty awesome right now, actually. I won an award for a short story
     I wrote—it was published in the school literary magazine.”
     “Jensen, that’s freaking awesome, man!” Jared gushed. “Someday you’re
     going to write a novel. I wish I could read your stuff.”
     “Yeah, that would be awesome,” Jensen replies. “And what’s even
     better about the award is that my parents have backed off about
     finding a girlfriend for a while.”
     “They’re still hounding you to date?” Jared asked, shocked.
     Jensen nods. “Supposedly, they’re concerned that I’m not ‘manly’
     enough because I don’t play football.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I
     know it’s the official state religion of Texas, and all, but I play
     first men singles on the Varsity tennis team, and I’m on the honor
     roll, and I’m getting awards for my writing. I really don’t see what
     they have to complain about. Dad just thinks I should be like every
     other seventeen year old out there, drinking it up and getting laid.
     I know he loves me, you know, but it’s like nothing I ever do is good
     enough. At least Mom tells him to back off about that. She would
     rather me be a ‘good boy’ who doesn’t get into trouble than a kid
     getting busted for drinking or knocking up a chick.”
     “Yeah,” Jared agrees, glad that Jensenisn’tbanging a bunch of girls.
     Jensen ishis, his friend, hisdream. As much as he likes the idea of
     Jensen having his own life, he never likes it when Jensen goes out
     with anyone. Jared plucks another long strand of grass and starts
     chewing on the end of it.
     “But enough about my parents,” Jensen continues. “Chris and Steve
     will graduate this year, and then it will be just me and Danneel on
     our own for our senior year.”
     “How you gonna deal with that?” Jared asks. He knows that Chris and
     Steve are big buffers for Jensen—they help him cope with his
     controlling parents.
     “Pfft, I’ll be fine, Jay. Chris and Steve are gonna stay around for a
     year, wait for me to finish high school. They’re gonna get jobs and
     try to save up some money. They wanted to do a big road trip this
     summer, but they want me to come along, and there’s no way my parents
     would go for that until I’m eighteen. So they’ll stick around and
     save up for that, and get as many gigs as they can locally, and make
     demo CDs and stuff. They want to really try to make a go of their
     music, so they need practice and experience playing live shows. They
     keep swearing they’re going to drag me up to join them on backup
     vocals, which is cool to do when it’s just us, but I dunno about
     doing it at a gig. But maybe it will be fun.”
     Jared beams. “I wouldLOVEto see that, Jen. You have such an awesome
     voice.”
     Jensen blushes, a lovely shade of pink staining his cheeks. “I do
     okay, but thanks, Jay,” he says, brushing off Jared’s compliment.
     “Anyway, after I graduate, we’ll do the road trip, just us guys.”
     “What about Danneel?” Jared asks, surprised that she won’t be tagging
     along. The four of them are a pretty tight-knit group, and Danneel is
     a friend to Jensen like Sandy is for Jared.
     “Danni wants to go, too, but it depends on what college she gets into
     and what her family has planned for that summer. She’ll come with us
     if she can.”
     “Oh, cool,” Jared says.
     “So that’s my life at the moment. What about you, Jay?” Jensen asks.
     Jared grins and pauses for dramatic effect, tossing the grass he’d
     been chewing on the ground. “I came out to my family,” he says
     softly.
     Jensen bolts upright, knocking Jared’s legs off him, and scoots close
     to Jared, close enough that Jared can lean on him if he needs
     support. “Oh shit, Jay,” he breathes. “How did it go? Are you okay?”
     Jared nods, smiling. “Yeah, I’m really okay. They were all awesome
     and supportive about it.”
     “Really?” Jensen asks. “What did they say?”
     Jared retells the conversation and tries not to snigger when Jensen’s
     mouth hangs open in surprise.
     “Wow, Jared, “Jensen says. “Your family is pretty awesome. There’s no
     way mine would ever take that as well as yours did. I’d be hearing
     lectures about fags burning in hell and sin and abomination…” Jensen
     trails off, frowning.
     Jared leans up against Jensen just because he’s near and he can. He
     kisses Jensen softly, then. It’s a comforting, reassuring kiss with
     just a little tongue.
     Jensen gives a pleased hum and kisses Jared back for a long moment,
     his fingers sliding up into Jared’s hair. When Jensen finally pulls
     away, he’s smiling again. “But hey, that’s great, Jay. I’m glad they
     were cool about it.”
     “I’m glad, too,” Jared replies. “Except for now Megan is going to
     expect me to join her in having a crush on all her favorite boy
     celebrities. She’s already looking for more posters that she can put
     up inMYroom.”
     Jensen bursts out laughing, and Jared can’t help but join him.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
“Come on, Sandy,” Jared said, impatient that he had to wait for her to catch
up. It was the fifteen-minute break between second and third period, and he
wanted to go check the lists outside Coach Belnap’s door to see if he made the
basketball team. His office was all the way on the other side of the gym, so he
had to hurry if he wanted to get there and back in time for his Art class.
She finally navigated through the people blocking the hallway and scowled at
him. “Alright, sasquatch, you part the waters and I’ll follow behind,” she
demanded, taking hold of his belt loops and shoving him forward. “But keep in
mind that I have to jog if you walk too fast.”
Jared snickered, almost called her “pipsqueak,” but quickly changed his
mind—that was his nickname with Jensen. “Can’t help it if you’re a runt,
Sands,” he teased as he pushed through milling crowds of students.
“Only because you’re freakishly tall, jolly green giant,” she retorted.
Jared never should have told her about Megan’s nickname for him.
When they arrived at Coach Belnap’s office, there were a few other guys
standing around, looking at the lists. One of them turned around and whooped.
“Varsity!” Chad cheered and threw his hands up in the air. “I’m friggin’
awesome!” Then he saw Jared and Sandy, and his smile brightened even further,
if that was possible. “Jay-man! We both made Varsity!”
“Really?” Jared asked, surprised.
“Yeah, man, your name is right here!” Chad said, pointing at the list titled
Varsity—Practice Today at 3:00 pm in the Gym. Halfway down the list, Jared
could see his name. J. Padalecki.
“Congratulations, Jared!” Sandy gushed, leaping up to throw her arms around his
neck. “Now I’ll get to cheer at your games!”
Jared squeezed her in return, beaming. He, a lowly freshman, made Varsity
basketball. Awesome.
As soon as Sandy let go of him and dropped back down to the floor, Chad was
there next, giving him a manly one-armed hug. “Jared, you and I are going to
show those upper-classmen how it’s done!”
Jared rolled his eyes. He seriously doubted that, but he was thrilled
nonetheless, and he gladly gave Chad the high-five he was angling for.
That done, Chad smoothly segued from congratulating himself over making the
team to eyeing up Sandy. “Chad Michael Murray, at your service,” he said,
bowing formally to Sandy.
She giggled, but shot Jared an “is this guy for real?” look while Chad was
looking at her legs. “Sandy McCoy,” she answered.
“Enchante, mademoiselle,” Chad said, taking Sandy’s hand to kiss her knuckles.
Jared was about to step in and say something, because, dammit, he’d told Chad
hands off, but Sandy apparently didn’t need his help.
“Oh, such a gentleman,” she said sarcastically. “Just keep in mind, Mister
Murray, that despite you being taller than me, I can and will kick you in the
nose if you think your flattery will get you into my skirt.”
Chad looked simultaneously aghast and turned on by the thought, and Jared had
to stifle a snort.
“Of course,” he stammered, flustered. “Wouldn’t dream of putting you in that
position.”
Sandy smirked and then turned to Jared. “We’ve got five minutes to get to
class, Jared,” she said.
“Oh, yeah, we should go,” he replied, looking at his watch. They had three
buildings to get through before the bell.
Sandy turned around and headed down the hall, Jared and Chad trailing behind
her.
“Dude, is she really that flexible?” Chad whispered to him.
Jared grinned. “Oh yeah. She could totally kick your ass, dude.” Sandy might be
little, but she was strong. Jared had watched her practice tumbling for the
Cheerleading squad, and he was amazed at how she could throw her body around in
flips and back flips with such speed and grace.
“Christ, that’s hot,” Chad moaned softly.
“Dude!” Jared said, glaring at Chad.
“I know, I know,” Chad sighed. “Hands off. I will be the epitome of respect
from here on out, I promise.”
“Alright,” Jared nodded.
“Dude, I gotta go this way,” Chad said when they reached a door to another
building. “See you at practice later.”
“Later, man!” Jared said, and then caught up with Sandy, who had reached the
more crowded halls.
“He is something else, isn’t he?” she said, shoving him ahead of her and
hooking her fingers through his belt loops again so he could navigate through
the crowds.
“Yeah, that’s one way of putting it,” Jared agreed.
She giggled. “I like him, Jared. He seems like a clown, but a nice guy
underneath. Don’t think I’d ever want to go out with him, but I like him.”
Jared thought about how Chad treated him when he figured out Jared’s secret. He
might come off as an arrogant douche, but Jared knew that he had a good heart.
“Yeah, me too. Wouldn’t want to date him, either, though.”
Sandy laughed as she split off from Jared toward her history class. “See you at
lunch, Jared!” she waved.
Jared waved back at her and dashed down the hall toward the Art room. He made
it through the door just as the bell rang, and made a show of looking relieved
that he made it without being tardy.
“Very cute, Jared,” Mrs. Bondurant said, smiling at him. “Take a seat.”
Jared made his way over to the empty seat next to Aaron as Mrs. Bondurant
started talking about how their next project would be in pointillism.
“How’s it going, Jared?” Aaron asked softly. His eyeliner was softly smudged
today, not too heavy, and he had a few strands of hair woven into braids that
were tied back in his ponytail with the rest of his hair. He was wearing a hemp
peace necklace and a black Metallica t-shirt, and Jared took a moment to marvel
at the contrast between the hippie surfer dude and rock-not-quite-goth thing
Aaron had going on. Jared really liked that Aaron didn’t fit nicely into one
box.
“Awesome,” Jared replied. “I made the Varsity basketball team!”
“Right on!” Aaron grinned, sticking out his hand for Jared to slap.
Mrs. Bondurant stopped what she was saying about pointillism then and glared at
them for talking while she was presenting. “Jared, Aaron, do you have something
to contribute?”
Jared blushed hotly at being caught talking. “No, ma’am, sorry,” he said, just
as Aaron said, “Sorry, shutting up now.”
She nodded and went back to talking about the use of ink and the pens supplied
by the school.
Jared paid attention, because he didn’t want to be scolded again, but he also
found what she was talking about really interesting—how it was possible to
create complete drawings without using a single line. He couldn’t wait to try
it out.
But he also paid closer attention to Aaron, looking for the signs that he was
interested in Jared, like Jensen had said. In his peripheral vision, Jared
could see that Aaron was leaning toward him, and that he looked up at him out
of the corner of his eyes pretty often. Jared stretched out his foot towards
Aaron’s, and when his sneaker bumped into Aaron’s boot, he looked over at Aaron
to see if this was okay.
Aaron smiled and glanced back at Jared, his blue eyes sparkling. He didn’t move
his foot away.
Jared beamed and returned his focus to Mrs. Bondurant’s discussion of
pointillism. It appeared that Jensen was right after all, that Aaron did seem
to be interested in Jared, at least a little. He wasn’t freaking out at Jared’s
advances, as tiny as they were, at least. Jared wasn’t sure what he wanted to
actually do about this just yet—he might be happy as a clam to make out hot and
heavy with Jensen, but this was the real world, with real risks, so he wanted
to take it slow. He would take the time to get to know Aaron better before
doing anything else.

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December,_1995
“Wow, Jared, that’s really good,” Chad said, nudging Jared out of his focus on
his drawing pad. “Who is it?”
Jared turned and looked at his neighbor. Chad couldn’t draw worth crap, but
took Art because it was “an easy A.”
“Just have to say you’re doing your best, and they give you a passing grade,”
he’d said when Jared asked him about it. Jared definitely didn’t mind; it was
nice to have a friend in this class, now that Aaron had Art during a different
class period.
It was partially into Jared’s sophomore year now, and Jared was really getting
good at drawing. He was currently working on a sketch of Jensen: Jensen was
sitting on the edge of a bed in shorts and a tank top, bed sheets rumpled, and
his long hair was hanging down over one eye. He was looking over his shoulder,
laughing. It was an image from a recent dream that had burned into Jared’s
psyche.
He was still dreaming of Jensen; the vivid, almost lucid dreams increased in
frequency to about once a week, and in them, Jensen had become much more to him
than just a friend he sometimes got off with. Jensen meant as much to him than
anyone in Jared’s real life—and it felt that way even in Jared’s fuzzy, random,
non-lucid dreams with Jensen. When he was really honest with himself, he
acknowledged that he cared very deeply for Jensen—he sometimes wondered if this
was how being in love felt like, but he was only fifteen and talking about
words like “love” was scary. It sometimes still baffled Jared that he was still
dreaming about one imaginary friend for all these years, but at the same time,
Jared wouldn’t give it up for anything. Jared could tell Jensen anything,
because he wasn’t real. It was like having his own personal diary, one who
listened to him, talked with him, made him laugh, and made out with him. It was
awesome. He almost always woke up with come in his shorts, fabric glued to his
pubes, but Jared had grown used to soaking his underwear off in the shower. It
was more than worth it for the orgasms.
Yes, he still had a bit of a crush on Aaron, liked the older boy a lot, but
Aaron hadn’t been willing to risk going out together. He had wealthy, very
conservative parents, and while he liked to push their boundaries with the
whole eyeliner and piercings thing (he’d gotten his nipples pierced just to
piss his mother off), there was a limit to how far he would go. Which
frustrated Jared, because he wanted to have a real-life boyfriend.
But when he thought about it, Jared figured it was probably for the best that
he and Aaron weren’t dating yet. He understood the need to keep it a secret; he
didn’t exactly want the whole school to know he was gay, either. Plus, Jared
wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to jump into bed with any guy other than
Jensen, so he didn’t really mind that he was just friends with Aaron for now.
Jensen was more than enough to keep him satisfied sexually, even though they
hadn’t progressed past mutual blow jobs.
“Jay-man, who is it?” Chad asked him again, poking him in the arm. “You aren’t
using a reference picture.”
Jared jolted out of his Jensen-and-Aaron-induced trance. “Oh, it’s no one in
particular. Just some guy I had a dream about.”
Chad smirked. “Oh, was this the guy you were dreaming about last weekend?”
Jared blushed. “Wh-what?” He’d stayed the night at Chad’s house on Saturday
night, and they’d stayed up late playing on Chad’s Super Nintendo. Both of them
had ended up passed out on the family room floor, surrounded by Cheetos and
popcorn. And Jared had had a particularly hot dream about Jensen.
Chad snickered. “Dude, you’re turning purple!” he said, pointing his finger at
Jared’s face.
Jared grabbed said finger and twisted it around, bending it backward. “Fucker!”
“Ow, dick! Let go!” Chad griped back, trying to remove his finger from Jared’s
hand. He finally succeeded, and held his hand to his chest protectively,
scowling at Jared dramatically. “Dammit, that’s my jerk-off hand. I won’t be
able to pull one off tonight, damn you.”
“Use your left,” Jared said unsympathetically. If he knew anything about Chad,
it was that he’d figure out a way to jerk off even if he had both hands in
casts, tied behind his back.
“Chad, Jared, what’s going on?” came a voice from the front of the classroom.
Mrs. Bondurant was looking over at them disapprovingly.
“Nothing,” they said in unison.
She looked like she didn’t buy it for a second, raising an eyebrow at them.
“Focus on your artwork, boys. Don’t make me have to separate you.”
Jared gave her his best “I’m an innocent puppy dog” look and nodded. “Yes,
ma’am,” he said.
She nodded and went back to helping Stacey Shorthall with her oil painting.
Jared looked back over at Chad and sniggered. “Get back to work.”
“Teacher’s pet,” Chad whispered back at him.
Jared stuck his tongue out at Chad and went back to shading the shadows in the
rumpled sheets.
They worked in silence for a minute, before Chad piped up again, though at a
whisper this time. “No really, is this the guy you were dreaming about Saturday
night?”
Jared looked up at him, prepared to thump his friend on the head, but Chad
looked genuinely curious.
“At first I thought you were dreaming about Aaron, but then you kept moaning
the name ‘Jen,’ so I thought for a minute that you were coming back to the
straight side,” Chad explained.
Jared chuckled. “Nope, I’m definitely still gay,” he whispered.
“What kind of guy dreams of a dude named Jen? Man, are you sure you’re gay?”
Chad teased.
Jared rolled his eyes at him. “Dick. His name is Jensen.”
“So who is he? Someone you met sometime? Do you have a secret boyfriend at
Irving, or something?” Irving was their school’s cross-town competitor, and the
rivalry between the two schools sometimes got pretty heated.
“No, I’ve never met him,” Jared explained. “He isn’t a real person, as far as I
know. He’s just someone I had a dream about, and he said his name was Jensen.”
“Well, he’s a looker, I’ll give you that. You’ve got a vivid imagination,
Jared.”
Jared just looked at Chad askance.
“What?” Chad defended, indignant. “I might be all about the chicks, but I’ve
got eyes, man. That dude right there,” he pointed at Jared’s drawing, “is
pretty hot for a guy.”
Jared laughed. “Yeah, he is.”
Chad’s eyes took on a devious glint. “He put out? It sure sounded like you were
having a good time, the way you were humping the blanket.”
Jared retaliated by shoving Chad out of his seat. Chad landed on the floor with
a crash, laughing hysterically.
“Alright boys!” Mrs. Bondurant scolded, coming over to their desks. “Jared, you
come sit over here,” she said, moving Jared’s drawing pad to a desk two seats
over.
“Get up, Mr. Murray,” she scolded Chad, who was still sprawled on the floor,
sniggering, “and go sit over there.” She pointed at a desk over by the sink.
“Don’t make me give you two a detention.”
Jared spent the rest of the class shooting glares at Chad across the room, and
Chad responded by miming kissy faces, mouthing “Oh, Jensen!” at him and
swooning about in his seat.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]

March,_1996
     Jensen storms into Jared’s room, his face red and furious.
     Jared jumps up from the bed in alarm. “Jensen? What is it?”
     Jensen sits down in the chair at Jared’s desk and kicks the
     basketball on the floor. It flies into the side of Jared’s mattress,
     bounces off and rolls into the closet, knocking over a pile of shoes.
     “Jensen?” Jared asks again after a moment. Jensen is slumped over in
     the chair, his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, and for a long
     moment the only sound is Jensen’s heaving breaths.
     Jensen eventually looks up at Jared, his eyes red. “They found out,
     Jared.”
     “Oh shit.” Jared immediately knows what Jensen is talking about.
     Jensen hasn’t come out to his family yet. He’s a senior now, and he’s
     managed to keep his being gay from his family for this long. Jensen’s
     parents wouldn’t understand, they’re super religious. “What
     happened?”
     “Well, this petition went around the school to allow a gay-straight
     alliance club. A lot of students signed it, not just the few of us
     who are gay. A lot of straight kids signed it, too. So the school
     agreed to let the students start the club. But some chick’s parents
     found out about it, and they freaked out. Somehow they saw the names
     on the petition, and the girl’s mom knows my mom from church. So she
     went and told my Mom that I signed the petition.”
     “Shit, Jensen,” Jared breathes.
     “Oh, it gets even better,” Jensen replies. “My mom found out about
     this while I was at school, and she ransacked my room while I was
     gone. She found my stash of gay skin mags.”
     Jared hisses. “Fuck!”
     “Yeah,” Jensen sighs. “She showed my Dad, and they were waiting for
     me with this big inquisition when I got home from tennis practice.
     The pastor was there, too, man.”
     “God, are you okay?” Jared asks, reaching out to put his hand on
     Jensen’s shoulder.
     Jensen shakes his head, and his hair flops into his eyes. Jared combs
     it back with his fingers.
     “They want to send me to this anti-gay camp.”
     “Fuck, you don’t have to go, do you? Can they make you? You just
     turned eighteen,” Jared says, alarmed. He’s seen documentaries about
     the kind of fucked-up shit that camps like that put people through,
     and he never wants Jensen to have to experience anything like it.
     “No, they can’t make me go,” Jensen answers. “I’m not going to go.
     There’s no way. There’s nothing wrong with me. I talked with this
     other pastor at the Unitarian church, and they say that the Bible
     doesn’t condemn gays the way the Baptists think it does. But it
     doesn’t really matter anyway, I’m so over that religious shit. And I
     told my parents that. Told them I’d never step foot into their church
     again.”
     “I bet that went over well,” Jared replies wryly.
     “Oh yeah, like a lead balloon,” Jensen agrees. “They kicked me out.”
     Jared reels back in shock. He just can’t imagine it. His parents were
     so accepting of him, so loving and supportive. He can’t fathom any
     parent kicking out a child for being gay. He knows it happens, has
     heard horror stories, but he’s always felt detached from stories like
     that, because it’s never happened to anyone he knows. But now, now
     it’s Jensen…
     “Fuck, Jensen,” he breathes. “What are you going to do?”
     “I’m staying with Chris through the rest of the school year,” Jensen
     answers, picking at his nails. “You remember, I told you that he and
     Steve want to move out to LA to try to make it with their music, and
     I think I’m going to go with them, after graduation. That road trip
     we were planning, d’you remember?”
     Jared nods, unable to speak. Jensen looks sowrecked, his eyes red and
     shiny, and Jared doesn’t know what to do but listen.
     “Well, Danni got into University of New Orleans, and she’s madly in
     love with this guy named Riley now, so she won’t be coming along. And
     now thatthishappened, the road trip pretty much turned into this
     moving to LA thing. That’s totally fine with me. I got into USC,
     anyway. So I’ll crash with Chris for the rest of the semester, and
     then I’ll head out to LA with him and Steve. Find a job, go to
     school. Get the fuck away from my parents.”
     A terrible thought occurs to Jared. “Can they screw with your college
     funding?”
     “Thankfully, no,” Jensen sighs. “The account transferred to me when I
     turned eighteen and they can’t touch it anymore. But USC is a private
     school, and I’ll be out-of-state, so it’s going to be expensive. I’ll
     still need to get some financial aid. And get a job.”
     “What about Josh and Mackenzie? What do they think about it?” Jared
     asks.
     “Josh doesn’t know yet, I don’t think. I should call him,” Jensen
     muses, biting on his lower lip. “He won’t like it, I know it. I
     actually told him I was gay two years ago, when he said something
     about one of his best college friends being gay. He was cool with
     it.”
     “That’s good, at least. Maybe he can help talk some sense into your
     parents,” Jared says hopefully.
     Jensen snorts. “Yeah, doubt it.”
     “What about Mac?” Jared prods.
     Jensen looks anguished. “I don’t think she really understands, Jay.
     She knows I’m leaving, but she doesn’t know why Mom and Dad are so
     angry at me. And I’m worried that they’ll fill her head with more
     shit about fags burning in hell. She’s still in middle school, Jared.
     She might believe them.”
     “Maybe you could go talk to her after school, before she goes home?”
     Jared suggests.
     Jensen seems to think about this for a moment. “Yeah, that’s a good
     idea, Jared. And I’ll talk to Josh, and have Josh talk to Mac, too.”
     “She’ll never hate you, Jensen,” Jared promises. “You’re her big
     brother, and she adores you.”
     “Thanks, Jared,” Jensen sighs, leaning forward to drop his head on
     Jared’s shoulder.
     Jared wraps his arms around Jensen and pulls on him, making the chair
     wheel closer to the bed so he can pull Jensen out of the chair and
     next to him on the bed. Jensen allows it, falling onto the bed next
     to Jared.
     They lie there for a few minutes, just breathing together. Jensen
     snuggles into Jared’s side, putting his head on Jared’s chest. Jared
     wraps his arms around Jensen, clutching him tight, and strokes his
     fingers through Jensen’s hair. He might not be able to do anything
     else to help, but at least he can comfort Jensen this way.
     He doesn’t say anything when he feels his shirt get wet from Jensen’s
     tears. Just holds on tighter, feeling like his own heart is breaking
     along with Jensen’s.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
In the weeks following Jensen being outed, Jared had a number of really
disturbing nightmares. Dreams in which he watched Jensen scream in rage about
his parents, but wasn’t able to actually connect to Jensen or interact with
him. He just had to watch from the sidelines while Jensen punched walls, drank
himself stupid, sobbed, and even wished loudly that he wasn’t gay. He waffled
back and forth between being miserable about disappointing his parents, and
furious that his parents had disappointed him. Jared watched (and even felt)
Jensen single-mindedly practicing his tennis serves, watching him hit the ball
as hard as he could, over and over again, and then play alone against the
backboard until he was exhausted, dreams from which Jared woke up panting and
sweating, with his forearm and thighs aching from squatting for low balls.
Jared had dreams in which he didn’t even see Jensen, but just felt like he was
drowning in despair made visceral, floating in churning pools of blue and black
and boiling blood red. Dreams from which he woke up bawling and with his heart
pounding.
It was enough to leave Jared completely drained. He felt so helpless, knowing
that he was experiencing emotional bleed from Jensen’s heartbreak and not being
able to do anything about it. It had to be Jensen’s emotions, because there was
nothing going on in Jared’s life that made him feel that angry or depressed.
Jared sat in his first period Trigonometry class, head sagging and eyes
drooping shut. Normally he was pretty attentive in this class; he actually
enjoyed math. But he was so tired.
So instead of paying attention to his teacher who was explaining the difference
between sine, cosine, and tangent, Jared doodled in his notebook, musing about
his dream connection with Jensen. He really, really wished he would have
another of what he’d come to call lucid dreams with Jensen, even though they
weren’t truly lucid in the sense that he could control and direct them. He
needed to talk with Jensen, to comfort him, reassure him that Jared cares. He
could do something and not feel so helpless, if he would only have the right
kind of dream.
In these “lucid” dreams, he was able to interact with Jensen in a mostly
conscious manner, and he was peripherally aware that he was dreaming, but he
couldn’t make them happen or really control them when they did. Sure, he was
able to sometimes change the location from the park to his bedroom, or turn a
couch into a bed, but it was like his mind preferred to let them proceed
organically. He couldn’t remember ever consciously trying to control the dream
while in the dream, even though he had sometimes promised himself to try before
he fell asleep. Maybe he just loved the natural feel of them so much, how their
interactions just flowed, that his subconscious wouldn’t let him try to direct
the dreams.
But he only had these vivid, semi-lucid dreams once every week or two. That had
been the pattern ever since he started having dreams of Jensen on a regular
basis. Some nights his dreams were completely his own, other nights he had
dreams of—or with—Jensen, but they were still very much dreams, in that they
were fuzzy, disconnected, random, and shifting. The vivid dreams, the ones that
played out linearly and in which they interacted as if they were both awake and
really together, those dreams only happened two to three times a month.
Jared dropped his pencil and rubbed his temples. Thinking about his dreams with
Jensen was enough to give him a headache. If Jensen was imaginary, how could
Jared be experiencing Jensen’s emotions when they weren’t interacting? Was his
subconscious that creative, that it would create an imaginary friend, create a
whole other life for Jensen, and then put Jared through Imaginary Jensen’s
imaginary emotions? Did this make him crazy?
And the other hypothesis that he sometimes wondered about—was Jensen actually a
real person—made even less sense. Because if Jensen was actually a real,
living, breathing person, how could it be possible for Jared to interact with
him in his dreams? Shit like that just wasn’t physically possible.
But Jensen behaved so realistically—being possessive of Jared, acting with some
jealousy when Jared talks about Aaron, and having his own life outside of the
dreams… a life in which Jensen dated other people as well… and if Jensen was
truly a figment of Jared’s imagination created to be Jared’s dream lover, why
would his imagination allow Jensen to be unfaithful to him? Why would he be
okay with that?
Jared couldn’t explain it, and he was twisting himself up in knots over it. He
gave a loud sigh and flexed his wrist, stretching the aching muscles of his
forearm. It had been another night of watching Jensen punish himself on the
tennis court, and his arm was sore and twitchy.
The only conclusion Jared could come to was that he had a really creative
subconscious. One that loved the idea of Jensen so much that he wanted Jensen
to be real, to seem as if he had a real life outside of Jared’s imagination. So
of course Jensen would have his own “real” life, have his own friends, his own
love interests. Because he seemed more “real” that way.
But that still left Jared wondering why his subconscious would want Jensen to
go through all of this. Why it would want to put Jared through watching Jensen
suffer. Did it want to remind him how good he had it with his own family? Make
him more aware of the plight of other gay kids? But why?
“Jared, what did you get for number four?” came Sandy’s voice to his left,
startling him out of his musings.
“What?” he asked, looking up and over at her, surprised.
“Number four?” she prodded.
Jared looked around. The teacher was done lecturing, and the rest of the class
was working on assigned problems, punching buttons on their calculators, and
talking in small groups through the problems. He hadn’t even noticed the
teacher giving them an assignment.
“Jared?” Sandy’s voice sounded concerned now.
“Sorry, I haven’t got to it yet,” he replied, flipping his textbook to the
correct page.
“You haven’t even started, have you?” she asked, her voice a whisper. “Usually
you’re the first one done. Are you okay?”
He nodded half-heartedly. “Just didn’t sleep well last night,” he answered.
She scooted her desk closer to him in pretense of working on the problems with
him. “Why not?” she asked.
He shrugged. He really didn’t want to get into this with her, but he couldn’t
really avoid it. “Bad dreams,” he answered.
Sandy’s eyebrows rose and came together. “What about?” she asked.
“Dunno. Just weird, strange dreams. I can’t really remember them very well.”
“Oh,” she replied, still obviously concerned.
“What’s the assignment?” he asked, changing the topic.
She frowned at him, but answered. “We’re supposed to do problems 1-20 on page
187.”
“Okay, thanks,” he answered. “Give me a minute, and I’ll get caught up to
number four.”
“You just let me know if you need to talk about anything, Jay,” Sandy said.
“I’m here if you need me.”
He shot her a smile, one she returned, and then he got to work solving trig
problems.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Jared couldn’t stand it anymore, he was driving himself mad. As much as he
didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, he needed a sanity check. Jared really
didn’t want his parents to drag him to a shrink again, and the school counselor
supposedly promised confidentiality, so…
Instead of going to Art class, he waited until the bell had rung and the halls
were empty. He hovered outside the door of the counselor’s office, staring at
the nameplate for what felt like ten minutes. Katherine Jerome, Counselor, it
read.
A locker slammed down the hall, and Jared jumped. He so did not want to be seen
at the counselor’s office. He looked around quickly, but whoever had been at
their locker was going the other way. He took a deep breath, steeling his
nerves, and darted quickly through the door.
The office was just a little cluttered, but looked organized. There were a
number of books about psychology and adolescents on a bookshelf, and plants in
the window.
“Can I help you?”
Jared jumped again, aggravated with himself for being surprised that the
counselor would actually be in her office. Sitting at the desk in the center of
the room was a middle aged woman, slightly plump in a way that made Jared think
of snuggles with his grandma, cookies, and cake. She seemed pleasant and
comfortable, and he felt a lot more at ease.
“Uh, yeah, hi, Mrs. Jerome,” Jared stammered.
“Good morning,” she said softly. “What’s your name?”
Jared opened his mouth, and after a couple of seconds, said, “Jay.”
She smiled at him softly. “Well, Jay, what can I do for you today?”
“Uh, I had a question,” he said. “Well, actually, a friend of mine has a
question, and she can’t get up the courage to come ask you, so she blackmailed
me into it.” Jared hoped it wouldn’t be obvious that he was lying through his
teeth.
Mrs. Jerome gave him a knowing look. “Oh really? Well, then, what is your
friend’s question?”
Jared couldn’t tell if she realized that he wasn’t being entirely honest, but
she seemed to be humoring him regardless. So he took a deep breath, thinking
about how to phrase this to sound as not-insane as possible.
“Is it normal to dream about the same person all the time?” he asked
eventually.
“Well, that depends,” Mrs. Jerome said. “Is it someone she knows?”
Jared shook his head. “No, that’s why she has a question. It’s someone
imaginary. But she keeps dreaming about him.”
Mrs. Jerome leaned forward. “And she knows this person is imaginary? Does she
see him or talk to him when she’s awake?”
Jared shook his head again. “No, only in her dreams. She knows he isn’t real,
and she doesn’t hallucinate about him during the day, or anything. But he’s a…
friend in her dreams.”
“These aren’t nightmares, are they?” she asked.
Jared shook his head no, desperately trying not to blush.
“How long has she been dreaming about this guy?” the counselor continued.
Jared hedged. He did not want to admit that it had been going on for years.
“Um, I don’t know for sure. A while. Like a few months? I can ask her if you
want.”
“Jay,” she said, her smile even more knowing. “Our subconscious is a curious
place. Very creative and imaginative. It’s normal for us to dream of people,
places, and things that don’t exist. Usually these dreams and characters are
random or shifting. There’s nothing unusual about that. It might be less common
for the same character to show up repeatedly, but as long as that dream person
stays in her dreams and she doesn’t start seeing or talking to him while she’s
awake, then it’s nothing to be worried about. She probably needs something
right now, maybe she’s confused about something personal, and she created this
dream guy to help her with what she needs.”
Jared heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Okay, thanks,” he said, stepping back
toward the door. He wanted out of this office and away from her far-too-
understanding eyes.
“Jay,” Mrs. Jerome said, and Jared stopped. “If your friend is worried, tell
her she can come see me anytime. I maintain strict confidentiality.”
“Okay, I’ll tell her,” he replied. He stepped toward the door again.
“Jay, don’t you want a hall pass so you don’t get a tardy?” she said just as he
was opening the door.
“Oh. Yeah,” he mumbled, feeling his face flush hot.
She handed him a slip of paper, her smile turning into an amused smirk. “Have a
good day, Jared,” she said.
Jared muttered a reply and bolted from the room. Christ. She knew who he was.
Probably from the basketball team. He wasn’t exactly a low-profile student. And
she probably knew he was a big fat liar about it being a friend. He smacked his
palm over his face and willed himself to calm down. He didn’t need to walk into
Art all flustered.
But at least she had told him what he needed to know—that Jared hadn’t lost his
mind. It was okay for him to dream about Jensen, because he had created Jensen
to meet his needs. First to have a friend when he was lonely, and then to have
someone to help him figure out his sexuality. And to cope with living in a
place where he couldn’t be open about his sexuality.
That made more sense than anything he’d been able to come up with on his own.
So, mortifying embarrassment aside, he was glad he’d asked. He could get back
to just enjoying his dreams now. Well, he’d enjoy them again when he actually
had one in which he could enjoy Jensen. He hoped he had a lucid dream of him
soon—he needed to make sure Jensen was okay.
Jared walked into his art class fifteen minutes late, feeling tremendously
relieved. He handed Mrs. Bondurant his hall pass, and then sat down next to
Chad.
“Dude, you okay?” Chad asked him, looking worried. Jared wasn’t usually late to
this class.
Jared smiled. “Yeah, fine,” he said, and it was the truth. He felt a LOT
better. “Just got caught up talking to a teacher.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.
Chad seemed to accept that and went back to flipping through a magazine to find
a reference picture. “Hey, check out the rack on her!” he whispered, holding up
a glossy ad containing a bikini-clad model with enormous tits.
Jared rolled his eyes, sniggering, and batted the magazine away. “Find me one
with a dude on it and maybe I’ll be interested,” he whispered.
Chad sighed melodramatically. “You’re no fun, Jare,” he whined.
Jared just laughed and got to work on his latest piece, a pastel sketch of
Jensen.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]

     “Well, it’s done,” Jensen says softly. “I’m officially moved out of
     my parent’s house.”
     Jared looks around and sees an unfamiliar room. There are boxes
     stacked up against one wall, clothes dropped in a pile in front of a
     closet, and tennis racquets leaning against a dresser. There is a
     narrow window on one wall, and it’s clear that this room is in a
     basement. “Is this your room at Chris’s house?” he asks.
     “Yeah. This was his mom’s hobby room. She was nice enough to move her
     tables and stuff out of here and into the garage for a little while,
     until we all leave for Los Angeles,” Jensen replies.
     Jared looks over at Jensen, who is slumped on his bed, the only thing
     in the room that has been put together. Jensen is wearing a pair of
     ratty jeans and a faded Bon Jovi t-shirt, and his hair is stringy. He
     looks like he’s been working all day, and he looks like he’s ready to
     fall asleep.
     “You look beat,” Jared says affectionately.
     Jensen gives him a weak smile. “I am. But it’s over and done now. I
     don’t have to deal with my parents anymore.”
     Jared sits down on the corner of the bed, tucking one foot under his
     knee. “How’re you holding up?”
     Jensen sighs. “I’m okay,” he says. “I’m pissed that they’ve been such
     assholes about it, but there’s not much more I can do about it. I’m
     out of the house, and then this summer after I graduate, I’m moving
     to LA.”
     “But still, it’s got to hurt,” Jared prods.
     Jensen scowls at him. “It does, but I’m done dwelling on it. They can
     suck my dick for all I care anymore.”
     Jared knows it isn’t that simple. “Jensen…”
     “Leave it, Jay,” Jensen interrupts. “I don’t want to think about it
     anymore. Can’t we just… enjoy being together now that you’re actually
     here?”
     Jared smiles, knowing that Jensen missed him. “Yeah. It’s good to
     talk to you again, man.”
     “Yeah,” Jensen agrees. “C’mere.” He beckons Jared up the bed.
     Jared grins and crawls up next to Jensen for a kiss. He wants to
     comfort Jensen so much, show Jensen how much he is loved. Jensen hums
     into his mouth and wraps his arms around Jared, pulling him down on
     top of him.
     For the moment, Jared is completely satisfied with just kissing
     Jensen, their tongues caressing languidly. He’s missed Jensen, too,
     and it feels good to reconnect emotionally like this. And Jensen
     smells even more potent than usual, with sweat and dirt overriding
     the usual grass and sandalwood scent that Jared is so familiar with.
     Jared loves it.
     Jensen rolls them on their sides and curls into Jared’s chest, and
     they lay there quietly for a long moment, wrapped in each other’s
     arms. Jared finally feels whole after worrying about Jensen for
     several weeks, so he enjoys having Jensen here, next to him, breaths
     warming his shirt.
     “Jared?” Jensen asks softly after a while.
     “Yeah, Jensen?” Jared replies.
     “I want us to have sex, for real.”
     Jared jerks in surprise. “What?” he asks.
     Jensen props his chin on Jared’s chest and looks up at him. “Maybe it
     seems like it’s not for the right reasons, but it is. I’ve been
     thinking about it for a while. I was originally planning on waiting
     until you turn sixteen in a few months, but then last night, when I
     was moving the last of my stuff out of the house, my Dad said all
     these horrible things to me about taking it up the ass and being a
     pillow biter and shit, and I didn’t want to tell him that I haven’t
     actually done that with anyone. It’s not his business, anyway.
     “But it got me thinking. This is who I am, and I’m proud of it. I’m
     not going to let what he said make me ashamed of being gay anymore.
     So I want tobegay, and I want to enjoy it. I want to have sex and
     take it up the ass and come so hard I tear a hole in the sheets with
     my teeth. It’s whatIwant to do, and I want it to be with you first,
     because you’re my dream and you’re safe. And if I can do it with you,
     here, then I’ll know that I can be with someone out there, and I’ll
     be okay with it. I want to know what it feels like.”
     Jared gapes at him, taking that all in. His dick
     isdefinitelyinterested in the idea, but still… They haven’t done
     full-on anal sex, yet, because, well, Jared isn’t really sure why,
     not if this is a dream and they can do whatever they want without
     worrying about any consequences. But they’ve just never quite got
     around to it, they settled for satisfying each other with blow jobs
     and hand jobs. But Jared has certainly thought about it, both in
     general and with Jensen specifically. And he’d like to do that with
     Jensen, too, for much the same reasons.
     And itfeelsreal. Jensen feels so real to him, heavy and warm beside
     him. “You never feel like a dream to me, Jensen,” he whispers.
     “I know, Jared,” Jensen replies. “Sometimes you seem more real to me
     than anything else.”
     Jared smiles, and he kisses Jensen softly, a slow glide of lips and
     tongues.
     “So what do you say?” Jensen asks, pulling back from the kiss after a
     moment.
     “You sure?” Jared asks in return.
     “Absolutely,” Jensen affirms, smiling. “You’re the younger one, what
     do you think? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not
     ready for. So it’s okay with me if you wanna wait.”
     Jared shakes his head. “No, I wanna. It’s our dream, so we can do
     whatever we want. And I’m almost sixteen anyway, and half the guys in
     my class are having sex already, so I’m not too young. So yes,
     definitely. How do you wanna…?” Jared makes a gesture with his hand.
     “I want you to top, Jay,” Jensen replies, sitting up and pulling his
     shirt off.
     Jared is surprised. He’d always assumed that if they ever got to
     this, that Jensen would top, because he’s older and is more likely to
     know what he’s doing. “Really? I thought…?” he gestured toward
     himself.
     “Oh I want to do that too, believe me,” Jensen grins at him
     roguishly. “But not yet. We’ll get to that when you’re a little
     older.”
     “I’m not too young!” Jared protests.
     “I know, Jay. But we can do that whenyou’reready for it. For now, it
     won’t be as hard on you if you’re the top. And I want to know what it
     feels like on the bottom,” Jensen continues. He’s undoing his belt,
     now, and Jared’s mouth is going dry. Any further protests die on his
     lips, because he’s going to feel what it’s like to beinsideJensen,
     and holy fuck hewantsthat. He’ll get his turn later.
     “Let me do that,” he says, reaching over to Jensen’s waist.
     Jensen stills at Jared’s touch, his green eyes huge looking up at him
     through his hair. Jared presses Jensen back down on the bed and moves
     to straddle his thighs. He undoes Jensen’s belt and the fly of his
     jeans, tugging on the fabric.
     Jensen is silent, save for his quick breaths. He lifts his hips to
     let Jared pull his jeans off, and then reaches to tug at Jared’s t-
     shirt. Jared helps him pull it off, and then Jensen sits back up to
     undo Jared’s fly, his fingers sliding past the zipper to caress him.
     “Fuck, Jen,” Jared hisses.
     “That’s the idea,” Jensen smirks. “Come on, Jared, I want you.”
     Jared quickly shucks off his boxers, and now they’re both naked on
     the bed. Jared is achingly hard, and he’s not quite sure how to go
     about this. “Um…” he says, nervous.
     Jensen smiles at him. “I did some research, Jay. We need lube, you
     need to stretch me open, and then you have to go slow until I tell
     you to move.”
     Jared nods. “I think I can do that. Do we have lube?” he asks.
     Jensen reaches under his pillow and produces a small bottle. He hands
     it to Jared, who fumbles with the cap and manages to get it all over
     his hands.
     Jensen snickers. He’s rolled over on his stomach now, and he’d seen
     Jared cover himself in goo. Jared sticks his tongue out at him.
     Jensen just grins back. “Come on Jared,” he says, smiling.
     Jared kisses him hard and then positions himself between Jensen’s
     spread legs.
     “One finger first, then two, then three,” Jensen instructs.
     “Okay,” Jared breathes. He takes a moment to appreciate Jensen like
     this, his lean form, the freckles that spill onto his buttocks, and
     he leans forward to kiss Jensen’s back. “You’re gorgeous, Jensen,” he
     whispers against Jensen’s skin.
     Jensen makes a pleased noise, but growls, “Not a girl, Jay.” But he’s
     smiling, so Jared knows that his comment was appreciated.
     He slicks the lube between Jensen’s cheeks, searching for the opening
     there. The skin is darker than the skin on his cheeks, wrinkled, and
     he can see it flex against his fingers. He plays around the opening
     for a moment, feeling the muscle relax, and enjoying the way that
     Jensen is trying not to moan. “It’s okay, Jen. Let me hear you,” he
     says.
     Jensen lets out a small moan. “Feels good. Give me one, Jared.”
     Jared does, and holy shit, Jensen is all hot and slippery inside,
     andtight. How is he going to fit in there? He looks down at his own
     cock, which is throbbing, it’s so hard. And then a thought occurs to
     him. “Do we need a condom?”
     Jensen looks over his shoulder at him. “It’s a dream, Jared, so no.
     No actual risk of STDs to worry about.”
     “Oh, yeah,” Jared grins sheepishly. “Heh, like I said, you feel real
     to me.” He emphasizes the point by pulling on Jensen’s ass a bit,
     stretching him open.
     Jensen moans. “Okay, two now,” he says.
     Jared presses another finger in, and Jensen is still pretty tight. He
     feels around, loving the way that Jensen is so slick and smooth
     inside.
     And then Jensen takes a huge gulp of air. “Holy shit!” Jensen gasps.
     “What?” Jared asks, halting all movement.
     “Do that again!” Jensen tells him, his hips rising up to push back
     against Jared’s fingers, and holy fuck, that’s hot.
     Jared presses down against the front of Jensen’s passage, and Jensen
     lets out a groan of pleasure.
     “Yeah, that! God, that feels good!”
     So Jared keeps at it, and adds a third finger. Jensen is riding his
     fingers now, and that is so fucking sexy that Jared is worried that
     he’ll come before he even gets inside him.
     “Okay, now Jared,” Jensen pants. “Now, Jared. I need you.”
     “Oh shit,” Jared breathes to himself. He’s really about to fuck
     Jensen. He takes a deep breath, slicks himself up, and then positions
     himself at Jensen’s hole.
     It won’t go in at first, but he pushes until the head pops into
     Jensen, who flinches and tightens around Jared.
     “You okay?” Jared asks, his voice strangled. Jensen is sotightaround
     him, and God, he feels so good. Jared chants silently in his head,
     “dead kittens, dead kittens…” trying to stave off his orgasm.
     “Yeah,” Jensen chokes. “Big. Remind me to never call you pipsqueak
     again. Gimme a minute.”
     Jared grins at the compliment, but then continues his internal chant
     and barely manages to not move.
     “Okay, just go slow,” Jensen instructs.
     So Jared does. He presses forward slowly until he bottoms out, and
     then waits another long moment, gritting his teeth and trying not to
     come as Jensen continues to adjust. When Jensen gives him a nod,
     Jared pulls back out. He sets a slow pace, watching Jensen carefully.
     “How’s that?” he asks.
     Jensen looks over his shoulder at Jared, his eyes dark. “It’s really
     starting to feel good. You can go faster.”
     “Awesome. You feel so good, Jensen,” Jared says, picking up his pace.
     Jensen is rocking his hips with Jared’s thrusts, and Jared suddenly
     remembers that spot where Jensen liked his fingers and tries to find
     it. He grins when Jensen groans loudly, “Right there… yeah, Jay…”
     And then Jared can’t keep himself in check any longer. Jensen feels
     so amazing, hesoundseven better, and Jared starts really fucking him
     in earnest, trying to stay in a position that rubs that spot that
     Jensen likes.
     “God, Jared, yeah…” Jensen mumbles, and he reaches down between his
     stomach and the mattress to stroke himself.
     Jared decides he’d rather do that, so he tugs on Jensen’s hips,
     pulling both of them up on their knees. Jensen flails a little at the
     change in position, falling forward onto one shoulder, his face
     pressing into his pillow and knees spread wide. Jared grins at the
     moan that escapes Jensen’s mouth. He takes a couple of thrusts to re-
     locate the right spot, and when Jensen gasps again, Jared reaches
     around Jensen’s hips and bats his hand away from Jensen’s cock,
     taking it in his own firm grip. Jensen is hard and pulsing, fluid
     drooling from the slit. “Fuck, Jensen, you like this, don’t you?”
     “God, yes, Jay,” Jensen moans.
     “Am I going to make you come?” he asks, stroking Jensen firmly.
     Jensen answers with a strangled moan and a full-body shudder. And
     then his entire bodytightens, clenching around Jared, hot fluid
     spurting through Jared’s fingers.
     “Holy fuck, Jensen!” Jared cries as the ripples of Jensen’s body
     sucks his orgasm right out of him. He lets out a groan and rides it
     out, still pumping into Jensen through the waves of pleasure flashing
     through him.
     Jensen collapses onto the bed, and Jared follows him down, trying to
     catch his breath. They lie like that for a minute, and then Jensen
     shoves at him weakly. “Heavy,” he grunts.
     Jared carefully disengages from Jensen and rolls onto his side.
     “Wow,” he says, unable to find any other words.
     “Yeah,” Jensen agrees, his face buried in a pillow. “That wasSOworth
     it.”
     Jared grins. “Yeah, definitely.”
     Jensen finally moves enough so he can see Jared’s face. “Yeah, we’re
     definitely doing that again.”
     “That good?” Jared asks, grinning.
     “Oh yeah,” Jensen replies, his face a picture of satisfaction, his
     hair mussed adorably.
     Jared is feeling awesome. As far as he’s concerned, he can keep
     having sex with Jensen in his dreams forever.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]

August,_1996
The summer Jared turned sixteen was monumental: it was the summer he was
finally eligible to take Driver’s Education. At the beginning of the summer,
after enough wheedling, begging, promising good grades (which wasn’t that big
of a promise), and pledging to work the rest of summer to pay for half of it,
his dad bought him a rusty blue 1978 Ford Bronco for fifteen hundred dollars.
Jared loved it. It sat parked out on the street, taunting him, until he got his
license on his birthday. When Jared was finally able to drive it, he took every
available excuse (and sometimes completely made up reasons) to hop behind the
wheel. He would even volunteer to run shopping errands for his mom just so he
could drive it. He didn’t care that it was beat up and the engine ran rough.
He’d figure out how to fix it up on his own, or get help from the auto shop
teacher if he had to. It was his Bronco, and it meant freedom.
It also meant that he could pick Aaron up for a date, not that anyone else knew
they were dating. Aaron insisted that they keep it really quiet. He wasn’t
willing to risk his parents finding out.
“So how do you like working at Blimpie’s?” Aaron asked. He was wearing black
jeans with a chain belt and a black button-up shirt, his long blond hair tied
back at the base of his neck. A few strands at the front weren’t quite long
enough, and they kept falling into his pretty blue eyes. Jared’s fingers itched
to brush the loose hair back from Aaron’s face.
They were sitting in a booth at Applebee’s, having dinner. Not a spectacular
place to eat, but better than some fast food joint, or, worse, Jared’s job.
Besides, they had good appetizers.
“It’s alright,” Jared answered. “My hands always smell like onions and vinegar,
which is gross, but I’ve nearly paid off my half of the Bronco.” Jared had
taken a job at the sandwich shop, and that was how he and Aaron reconnected.
Aaron came in regularly for a sandwich, and he always picked a different one
off the menu.
“Ooh, that’s attractive,” Aaron sniggered. “Lemme get you off with my smelly
onion hands, Aaron,” he said, imitating Jared’s voice.
Jared laughed and flipped his straw wrapper across the table at him. “God, I
know. It’s gross. Scrubbing my hands with baking soda helps, though. See? They
don’t smell right now!” He reached one hand out and pinched Aaron’s nose.
Aaron laughed and batted his hand away. “Alright, you long-armed gargantuan, no
fair.”
Jared laughed. Aaron had to get out of his seat to reach across the table. Of
course, pretty much everyone was short by Jared’s standard—he had finally
crested six feet, and looked to be still growing—but Aaron was still pretty
small for a guy. Five-foot-six or something. Jared kind of liked it, how Aaron
fit right under his arm.
“Not my fault you’ve got vestigial arms like the T-Rex, A,” Jared joked. He
tucked his elbows into his sides and flopped his hands about at his chest,
pretending his arms were too short for him to reach his food.
Aaron scowled at him, full of mock-outrage, but he couldn’t keep the snigger
completely stifled. “Alright, Sasquatch, I’m gonna kick your ass. I don’t care
if you’re bigger than me.”
“Ooh, promise?” Jared laughed, winking at him.
Aaron’s eyes darkened with lust, and he dropped his voice to a whisper.
“Later?”
Jared grinned and ate another fry. “Awesome.”
“Don’t you use gloves when you handle food?” Aaron asked, returning to the
previous discussion.
“Yeah!” Jared protested. “I don’t get it. Somehow, even though I use gloves, my
fingers perpetually stink.” He shrugged.
“Are you going to keep working there after school starts?” Aaron asked, popping
a fry into his mouth.
“I dunno. Doubt it. But then again it would be nice to have a little extra
spending money. I have to pay for my own gas, which I could do out of my
allowance, but I also want to fix the Bronco up some. Maybe I’ll take just a
couple evenings and a weekend shift. I’ll have to see.”
After dinner, they went to see Independence Day, which was action-packed enough
to keep Jared’s attention throughout the whole movie, despite being alone in
the back row with Aaron, their fingers linked together.
“Man, Will Smith is gonna turn in to a huge box office star, now,” Aaron said
as they walked across the parking lot back to Jared’s Bronco. “Big step up for
the fresh prince of Bel Air.”
“Totally,” Jared agreed. “And it was so strange to see Brent Spiner as someone
other than Data.”
Aaron laughed as Jared opened the passenger door for him. “Yeah, the stringy
gray hair was definitely different.”
Jared climbed into the driver’s seat, and a quiet moment descended upon them.
He looked at his watch; they had an hour before he had to be home for curfew.
“So now what?”
“I think I promised to kick your ass,” Aaron answered, his eyes glittering in
the low light.
Heat pooled low in Jared’s groin. “Yeah, I think you did.” He started the
Bronco, and put it into gear. “Where you wanna go?” he asked.
“Somewhere without a lot of people,” Aaron replied.
Jared drove them to the high school parking lot. Late at night, in the middle
of July—no one would be at school. He parked at the back of the lot, away from
the streetlights, and turned the car off. He was a little nervous—they hadn’t
yet progressed beyond some light making out. Part of him felt like he was
cheating on Jensen—there was this slight ache in his chest—but Jensen was
imaginary, and this was real life. He needed to have real relationships,
outside of his dreams. And now he could see if what he dreamed about with
Jensen would translate to reality.
“I’ll show you one advantage of me being smaller than you, Jared,” Aaron said
softly, pulling off his shirt. “Scoot over here.”
Jared undid his seatbelt and shifted over to the middle of the bench seat, away
from the steering wheel, his eyes pinned to Aaron’s chest. Aaron was lightly
muscled, and his nipple rings glinted in the moonlight. Jared wanted to lick
them, taste the metal, feel the nipples harden in his mouth.
As soon as Jared was settled, Aaron climbed into his lap, straddling his hips.
“See? Perfect fit.”
Jared had to agree. They kissed for a while, Jared enjoying being able to touch
Aaron’s skin, and then Aaron started tugging on Jared’s shirt.
Jared helped him pull it off.
“Wow, Jared, you’re so hot,” Aaron breathed, eyeing Jared’s chest.
Jared preened for just a second. He’d been working out a lot, and while he
wasn’t bulky by any means, he had well-defined muscles. He wasn’t quite
satisfied with them, he still felt like a skinny kid, but the definition was
there.
“You’re not so bad yourself, Aaron,” Jared replied, and then finally took one
of Aaron’s nipples into his mouth.
The nipple peaked under Jared’s tongue, and Aaron groaned, arching into him.
“Oh fuck, yeah,” Aaron breathed.
Things heated up really quickly after that, and before Jared realized it, both
he and Aaron’s jeans were wide open, and Aaron was pushing his hand into
Jared’s boxers.
“Oh Christ,” Jared hissed. He wasn’t about to let Aaron have all the fun, so he
returned the favor, pulling down Aaron’s underwear to expose his cock fully. It
wasn’t as long or thick as Jared’s dick, but it was a respectable size, and he
wrapped his hand around it, squeezing.
Aaron moaned loudly, his hips bucking over Jared’s thighs. “Fuck yeah… damn…
your hands… Lemme see you…” he mumbled, scrabbling at Jared’s boxers. Jared
helped him pull his shorts down and groaned in relief when he was finally free
of his clothes.
“Christ, Jared, I knew you’d be fucking big,” Aaron breathed.
“Shut up and touch me,” Jared ordered, squeezing Aaron’s dick again.
Aaron mashed their mouths together, and it all seemed a rush after that. It
didn’t take very long before Aaron was coming on Jared’s chest, arching back
with a cry.
Jared grunted and came a few moments later, biting down on Aaron’s collar bone.
Aaron collapsed onto Jared’s chest, chuckling. “You’re good at this,” he mused,
sounding amazed.
Jared grinned, panting. “Just beat off a lot, I guess,” he shrugged. That had
felt good, but wasn’t as intense as when he was with Jensen.
Aaron giggled. “Guess I’m just lucky then,” he smirked, and then kissed Jared
again.
After cleaning up with some paper towels that Jared kept behind the seat, Jared
dropped Aaron off at his house, and then headed home, musing about the evening.
He’d had fun, he liked Aaron a lot, but he didn’t feel the deep connection to
the other artist that he did with Jensen.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]

     “College is awesome,” Jensen says, plopping down next to Jared on the
     grass.
     They are once again in the trees surrounding the park by Jared’s
     house, sitting under Jared’s favorite aspen tree.
     Jared turns to face Jensen, smiling. The pull in his chest that he
     always feels toward Jensen in these dreams lessens, and it’s a
     relief. “Yeah? Tell me what it’s like!”
     Jensen kicks his feet out in front of him, hooking one foot around
     Jared’s ankles. “Well, Chris, Steve, and I are all sharing an
     apartment, so I have to put up with them practicing their music all
     the damned time,” he says, but he’s grinning, and Jared can tell he
     isn’t really complaining. “I’m just getting started on my general
     requirements classes, and already, it just feels like I’m free. Free
     from my parents telling me that I’m an abomination, free to choose my
     own course in life. Los Angeles is SO different, Jared, you have NO
     idea. They’re so liberal there—you can be out in public and no one
     freaks. I see gay and lesbian couples all over the place, and no one
     comes after them with pitchforks like they would in Texas. There’s
     even a Gay and Lesbian studies program at USC.”
     “Wow,” Jared breathes. “I wonder what that would be like. I can’t
     even tell anyone that Aaron and I are dating.”
     “You and Aaron are dating now?” Jensen asks, his face turning to a
     frown.
     Jared smiles at him. “Yeah, it’s not a big deal. He can’t come out to
     his family, so he wants to keep it a secret.” He can tell that Jensen
     is trying not to show his jealousy.
     “You like Aaron a lot?” Jensen asks.
     “Yeah, I like him,” Jared answers. “He’s fun, but…”
     “But what?”
     Jared laughs. “Jensen, I know you’re fishing for me to tell you that
     he doesn’t mean as much to me as you do.” He smacks Jensen lightly on
     the head. “That should be obvious, moron. But this is a dream, and
     Aaron’s real. We don’t have this huge, deep, intimate relationship. I
     like him, yeah, but it’s high school, man. And he’s not you.”
     Jensen puts his hands up in a placating manner. “Alright, that makes
     me feel a little better. But are you guys having sex?”
     Jared turns bright red. “God, Jensen!” he laughs. “Not full-on sex,
     no. I really don’t know if we’re ready for that just yet. So far, I’m
     only doing that with you.”
     Jensen grins, apparently mollified. “Well, that makes me feel even
     better! Just… use condoms if you do, Jay. It’s not as safe in the
     real world as it is in here.”
     “I know,MOM,” Jared retorts. “God, I already had that conversation
     with my parents. Talk about scarred for life.” He shudders.
     Jensen laughs again. “I can imagine. How is the Bronco shaping up?”
     Jensen changes the topic.
     “Oh man, it’s awesome. I paid Dad off for my half of it, and now I’m
     going to slowly get it running better. I might not be a mechanic, but
     Dave, Jeff’s best friend, is really good with cars, and next time
     they come back into town from Austin, Dave said he’ll help me tune it
     up.”
     “That’s awesome, Jay,” Jensen says, leaning into Jared’s shoulder.
     “Chris and Steve already had a few gigs at this local pub,” he
     shares. “They really are starting to do well. People are asking for
     them to come back again, at least.”
     “Cool!” Jared replies. “I hope they really take off, man.”
     “Yeah, me too. They’ll never stop dragging me up on stage with them,
     but at least with me taking classes, I don’t have to go to every gig
     of theirs. I go when I can, but school comes first.”
     Jared laughs. “I hope you have fun sometimes, Jen,” he says. “I’d
     love to hear you sing with them.”
     Jensen grins. “I do have fun, Jay,” Jensen promised.
     The dream shifts then, and they’re not in the park anymore, but on a
     bed in a room with bright sunshine spilling in through the window.
     Jared can tell that it’s Jensen’s room—he can see Jensen’s tennis
     racquets and his Pearl Jam poster. There is an acoustic guitar
     propped up next to a desk with a backpack on it.
     “This is your room?” Jared asks.
     Jensen nods. “Yeah. Chris and Steve have the other rooms, but this
     one is mine. And now, I wanna have some fun,” he says, pushing Jared
     down on the bed.
     Jared isSOup for that.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]

October,_1996
Jared walked down the hall to his locker Monday morning after a long weekend,
and instead of the usual noisy chattering from all of the students in the hall,
he got a lot of angry stares.
“Faggot,” came a whisper from his left.
Jared whirled around to see who said it, but he couldn’t connect the voice to a
face. There were several guys on the football team standing there, glaring at
him.
The noise rose around him, but it wasn’t random conversations. It was all about
him.
“Queer boy.”
“Faggot.”
“He’s a homo, didn’t you hear?”
“Candy Adams saw him making out with some guy in his Bronco.”
“Oh my god, who was it?”
“She didn’t see the guy’s face, but it was definitely Jared. He’s the only one
with a piece of shit blue Bronco.”
“Fucking fudge packer.”
“How d’ya know it wasn’t a girl he was making out with?”
“The guy didn’t have a shirt on, and it was definitely a guy. With nipple
rings, too.”
“Eww.”
The blood drained from Jared’s face, and he dashed down the hall toward his
locker. The whispers and stares followed him, and Jared wanted nothing more
than for the floor to open up and swallow him on the spot. Oh FUCK.
He stood at his locker, heart pounding, when he saw what was written in large
letters across the door.
HOMO FAG BURN IN HELL!
On the verge of panic, he ignored the slur as best as he could, and opened his
locker anyway. He swapped out the books he needed for the first couple of
periods, feeling his face flame and tears burn in his eyes. Jared wasn’t ever
hugely popular, being an art geek, but he was generally well liked due to his
easy smile and his skill on the basketball court. He was generally well-
respected for being a good student and best friends with Sandy, a cheerleader,
and Chad. He’d never felt this before, though, this seething hatred from the
entire student body, and it hurt. He knew that there were a few students who
were perpetually despised, and suddenly, he felt terrible for never sticking up
for any of them. Not that it would help anyone now.
A loud slam startled him out of his daze, and he turned to see half a dozen of
the football players surrounding him. Most of these guys also played on the
basketball team with Jared.
So he tried to go for friendly. “Hey, guys, what’s up?”
“Since when are you a flaming homo, Jared?” Derek Seyler said, gritting his
teeth. “You been checking us out in the locker rooms?”
“What?! No!” Jared said, shocked. The truth was that he had, of course, but
after he’d had his fill of discreet looking, he didn’t bother much anymore. He
knew better than to risk anything while in a room of half-naked athletes.
“You heard me!” Derek shouted, and a large, beefy guy who played on the
defensive line—Jared couldn’t remember his name—slammed Jared back into the
lockers. Jared was surprised at how much it actually hurt when his shoulder
blades banged into the metal.
“Hey, hey! No, man!” Jared shouted.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” came a loud voice.
Just outside the circle of football players who had hemmed Jared in stood Chad
and Sandy. Chad was wearing his letterman jacket and had his hands on his hips.
“Hey Chad!” Derek grinned, obviously happy to have backup. “Did you hear?
Padalecki here is a faggot!” He obviously thought that that news would spur
Chad into joining the impending Jared-bashing.
“Yeah, I heard,” Chad said, frowning.
The guys surrounding Jared sniggered in glee, clearly thinking that Chad was on
their side. Chad was the starting quarterback and one of the team captains.
Despite only being a Junior, he was better than any of the seniors, and one of
the best quarterbacks the school had seen in years. Chad was hugely popular,
largely due to the fact that he helped keep their team leading their division.
He also was one of the better basketball players—though Jared was one of their
top scorers—and was generally well-liked because of his fun, goofy attitude.
Having Chad on their side would definitely help their cause.
But Chad surprised everyone there, including Jared, when he said, “So what? Do
you think I care that he’s gay? Back the fuck away from him.”
There was a second when everyone stared at Chad dumbly in shock, and Sandy took
advantage of the moment to squeeze herself between Jared and the guy pinning
him to the lockers.
“What, are you gonna hit me, too, Alex?” she challenged, pushing at his chest.
“Hit a girl half your size? Yeah, you’re real macho. I’m so impressed.”
The guy—Alex Bembry, Jared suddenly remembered—let go of Jared and took a step
back, away from the raging five-foot-two cheerleader, and looked over to Derek
for guidance.
Sandy, in the meantime, planted herself squarely in front of Jared, and he
couldn’t help but take her hand, lacing their fingers together. He didn’t want
her in the middle of this, but she always did what she wanted, and he really
appreciated her support.
Derek quickly recovered. “Oh, I had you pegged as his fag hag, Sandy,” he said,
glancing down at her dismissively and then returning his focus to Chad. “But I
forgot, Jared here is your ‘friend’.” He made quotes with his fingers. “Are you
queer, too, Murray? Are you and Jared here butt-buddies? Were you the guy he
was making out with?”
Chad threw his head back and laughed. “You guys are pathetic. What the fuck
difference would it make if I was gay? Would you all suddenly freak out because
you’ve all patted my ass on more than one occasion? Because OH MY GOD GAY
COOTIES ARE CONTAGIOUS!? Would I suddenly not be the best quarterback we’ve had
in a decade?” Chad’s face was no longer laughing, but deadly serious now.
“Would it somehow make me less than human, make it okay for you to beat me up
just for existing?”
The hall was deathly quiet now, half the school just standing there, gaping at
the scene around Jared’s locker.
“So you are a faggot, too?” Derek persisted.
“Oh fuck you, Seyler!” Chad exclaimed, shouting now. “It just so happens that
I’m a hundred percent straight, something you KNOW because you saw me getting
it on with Trisha Hartland at your birthday party, dude. But it doesn’t fucking
matter. Y’all were ready to suck his dick when he kept hitting those threes at
practice last week. Maybe that’s why you’re freaking out now—worried you might
like him a little too much? Are you a closet case, Derek?”
Derek’s eyes went icy. “I’m no fucking faggot.”
“Wouldn’t matter if you were,” Chad continued, unconcerned by Derek’s fury.
“What does matter is that you’re all a fat lot of worthless fucking
hypocritical assholes if you’re gonna turn on him now, when you all liked him
last week. He’s still the same person. He’s still the best goddamned basketball
player we’ve got, and he is responsible for our winning record. If y’all will
let him keep playing this year and not treat him like shit, I bet we’ll take
the championship. Will you still want to beat him up then?”
Derek glared and looked like he very much still wanted to pound Jared into the
floor. But outside the circle of football players, there was a rustling of
murmurs as people processed what Chad was saying.
“He’s still a fucking homo, and I don’t want him in the locker room with me,”
Derek said.
“Your dick ain’t that irresistible, Seyler, I’ve seen it,” Chad retorted. “He
wouldn’t be interested in you anyway, you homophobic prick.
“But you know what else?” Chad continued, his voice echoing off the walls.
“None of that matters, either. It wouldn’t be any different if Jared wasn’t on
the basketball team. He’s still one of the most awesome guys I’ve ever known,
and yeah, he’s my best fucking friend. And that doesn’t change just because
he’s gay. If you hurt him, I guarantee that you will regret it.”
Derek scoffed. “What can you do, Murray?”
“I will refuse to play for the rest of the season. I will also quit basketball
this year. Let’s see how well we do then.”
There was a collective intake of breath; that wasn’t an idle threat. Jared’s
heart soared with love for Chad—not romantic love, but the best friend kind of
love. He knew how much Chad loved football, he knew Chad was hoping for a
football scholarship, and that he would willingly give that up for Jared… Jared
decided right then that he owed Chad, BIG TIME.
“You would sacrifice the championship over this homo?!” Derek said, astonished.
“In a heartbeat,” Chad said. “Football is just a fucking game. Jared is a
person. He’s my friend.” Chad took a deep breath and then shouted loud enough
for everyone in the entire hall to hear. “Let me make this perfectly clear! If
ANYONE hurts Jared Padalecki, I will quit the football team and the basketball
team! For this year AND NEXT YEAR!” Chad’s voice echoed down the hall, and no
one said a word for a long moment.
Jared knew then that it would be okay. Football was pretty much the default
religion in Texas, so much more than just a sport, and no one would want to
risk their chances—good chances with Chad at the helm—at the championship over
Jared being gay. People might still call him names, but Jared could deal with
that.
“What’s going on here? Come on people, break it up. Class starts in a few
minutes!”
Jared turned his head to see Coach Belnap pushing through the crowd. It figured
that a teacher showed up only after the conflict was over. Jared was pretty
sure that Mr. Belnap had heard Chad’s yell, too, by the look on his face.
Students seemed to realize that the show was over, and the noise level picked
back up as people went back to digging in their lockers and heading to class,
talking about what just happened. Jared knew that everything would be all over
the school—both about him and Chad’s threat—before lunch.
“What was that about quitting the football and basketball team, Chad?” Coach
Belnap asked, coming in close to Chad, Sandy, and Jared. The football players
who had surrounded Jared had quickly disappeared the second their Coach showed
up.
“I was just making a promise, Coach,” Chad answered nonchalantly. “Some of the
guys on the football team thought it would be okay to beat Jared up because
he’s gay. I just said that if they did, I would quit the teams.”
“That was very noble of you, Mr. Murray. Are you okay, Jared?” Mr. Belnap
asked, seemingly unfazed at the news that Jared was gay. “Did they hurt you?”
“No, I’m okay. They just shoved me into the lockers. I’m not hurt.”
“Okay, good. You let me know if anyone gives you any trouble.”
Jared nodded. “Thanks, Coach.”
“You’re welcome. Now get to class,” Mr. Belnap said, and then walked down the
hall.
“Jay-man, are you okay?” Chad said now that they were finally by themselves.
Sandy spun around to give Jared a big hug. Jared squeezed her back and answered
Chad over her shoulder, “I dunno, man. Pretty freaked at the moment. You didn’t
have to do that, Chad,” he said softly.
“I goddamned well DID have to do that, Jay,” Chad retorted. “I told you what
happened to Brock. There was no way I could stand by and let that happen to
you.”
Sandy let go of Jared then and leaped onto Chad, giving him a huge hug. “That
was AMAZING, Chad,” she said.
Chad looked shocked for a moment, then pleased as he held her to his chest. “I
told you both I was awesome years ago. It’s not my fault you didn’t believe
me!” he said.
Sandy gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “You totally earned that,” she said,
and then dropped back down to her feet. “But don’t go getting any ideas!” she
insisted, pointing her finger at Chad. “That was just a reward for standing up
for Jay!”
Jared couldn’t help but laugh at the star-struck, dazed look on Chad’s face.
Chad had been nursing something of a crush on Sandy for a while now, but
because she had made it clear that they were only friends, he never pushed.
Plus, being the quarterback of the football team, he never wanted for a girl on
his arm. The guy probably got more sex than Jared did with Jensen, and that was
saying something.
The warning bell for class rang then, and Jared spun around to grab the rest of
his stuff. As they walked down the hall, Jared leaned over and whispered into
Chad’s ear, “Dude, I totally owe you one. I’ll even blow you if you want.”
Chad choked and busted up laughing, and then playfully punched Jared’s
shoulder. “I knew you had the hots for me!” he crowed. “I’m just that
irresistible!”
“And the ass is back,” Jared commented.
Chad immediately got Jared into a headlock and dragged him down the hall, Sandy
laughing hysterically at their antics. “I swear, you’re both still twelve!” she
shouted at them.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Throughout the morning, the stares and whispering didn’t stop, though. People
still glared at Jared, jostled him in the halls, and whispered slurs at him. No
one outright hit him, but people he’d been really friendly with before now
shunned him.
But Jared got some unexpected support, too. Some of his teachers continued to
engage him in class just like before, and several of his basketball teammates
came up to him and said they hoped he would still be playing this year. Hector
Vasquez, a senior point guard on the basketball team, told him, “hang in there,
man, we got your back.”
But the biggest blow came when he sat down in the cafeteria for lunch and saw
Aaron making out with a girl Jared didn’t know at another table. She was in
Aaron’s lap, playing with his hair, and he was kissing her neck as she laughed
brightly.
“He’s such a coward,” Sandy hissed as she sat down next to Jared. “He must have
heard the rumors over the weekend, because he’s been holding her hand all day.”
“Who is she?” Even though he hadn’t told anyone he was dating Aaron, Jared
wasn’t surprised that Sandy knew.
“Jessica Carter,” Sandy answered. “She’s a senior in his homeroom. Her family
is really close with his parents.”
The name finally rung a bell—he remembered Aaron mentioning that his parents
wanted him to start dating some girl named Jessica. “But I am totally not
interested in her that way,” Aaron had promised. “She’s nice and all, but she’s
a girl and is therefore missing necessary equipment.”
It seemed that the fact that Jared had been seen with Aaron, who had somehow
narrowly missed being identified, made Aaron get over his qualms about her
gender.
Jared could understand—Aaron was in a no-win situation with his family. But
that didn’t make it hurt any less.
That afternoon in art class, Aaron attempted to explain as he and Jared were
washing their paint brushes in the sink.
“I had to, Jared,” he whispered. “It was too close a call, and I can’t risk my
parents finding out.”
“I understand, Aaron,” Jared replied, voice monotone. He scrubbed his paint
brushes hard into the bar of soap, probably damaging the bristles but not able
to help it. Instead of yelling at Aaron like he wanted to, he watched the way
the red paint left in the brush created pink bubbles.
“Maybe after a while, after the shock has died down, we could start again? See
each other in secret?” Aaron asked. “I really do like you, Jared.”
Jared fumed for a moment. He had liked Aaron, but Aaron wasn’t willing to
really be with him. The betrayal cut through Jared sharply. Now that everyone
knew that he was gay, Jared would never escape the scrutiny, not while he was
in high school, anyway. And he couldn’t help but wish that he had someone who
would stand up and say, “Yeah, I’m Jared’s boyfriend, so what?” Aaron would
never do that. Jared would always be Aaron’s secret.
“I’m sorry, Aaron, but no,” he replied firmly.
Aaron staggered like Jared had punched him. “Why?” he choked.
“I understand you’re in a difficult position. But I’m out now, whether I want
to be or not, and at this school, I will always be under the microscope. I
won’t be able to date anyone without everyone knowing. And you won’t ever risk
being with me. I would always be a secret, while you publicly date a chick just
to please your parents. You’re hiding who you really are just so you don’t lose
their money. You’re a goddamned coward, and I deserve better than that.”
“Jared…” Aaron’s voice was plaintive, and his blue eyes watered.
“I’m sorry, Aaron,” Jared said firmly. “Enjoy your life with Jessica.” He
finished rinsing his brushes, grabbed a paper towel, and walked away from Aaron
and the sink.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]

     “Wow, this place seems gloomy,” Jensen says. “Are you okay, Jared?”
     Jared is lying sideways across his bed, face down, his head and feet
     both dangling over the side of the bed. The room is dark, shadows
     blue and black, and there is an air of what Jared can only call
     depression.
     “Sort of. Not really,” he answers without looking up.
     He feels the bed shift as Jensen sits down. “What’s going on, Jay?”
     he asks softly, putting his hand on Jared’s back.
     “Everyone found out, Jen. The whole school knows I’m gay.”
     Jensen hisses a deep breath. “Shit. How did that happen?”
     “Some girl saw me making out with Aaron in the Bronco over
     Thanksgiving weekend. She didn’t recognizehim, but knew it was me
     with another guy. And she told the whole damn school.”
     “Fuck.” Jensen lies down next to Jared, propping his head up on his
     hands. “What happened?”
     “Some guys on the football team tried to beat the shit out of me this
     morning.”
     “Tried?”
     “I was sort of in shock, Jensen. I just stood there, unable to do
     anything. I mean, I used to get in fights with Jeff all the time. You
     know, the typical shit between brothers, wrestling and fighting. But
     this time, when these guys pinned me to the lockers, I had no idea
     what to do. I just stood there, stupid. Chad and Sandy came to my
     rescue, actually,” Jared says. He rolls onto his side and snuggles up
     next to Jensen. This is his dream, goddammit, and no one here will
     judge him for needing comfort. He doesn’t have to be manly here.
     “Good for them!” Jensen says, rolling with Jared so they’re laying
     properly on the bed, head and feet no longer dangling off the edges.
     “Chad was incredible,” Jared continued. “I almost dropped to my knees
     and sucked him off afterwards.”
     Jensen chokes. “What?!”
     Jared finally bursts into laughter, both at Jensen’s horrified
     expression and at the thought ofactuallygiving Chad a blow job.
     Because, EW.
     “Chad threatened to quit the football and basketball teams if anyone
     even touched me,” Jared explains once he’s calmed down. “He’s the
     starting quarterback, and a great basketball player. We really
     wouldn’t stand a chance in the state tournaments without him. He made
     this big, impressive speech in the hallway about it not mattering
     that I’m gay, that it wouldn’t matter ifhewas gay, because we’re
     still people. It was awesome. I offered him a blow job afterwards and
     he just crowed about me thinking he’s hot, and then he put me in a
     headlock.”
     Jensen chuckles. “Sounds like an interesting guy.”
     “Interesting is an understatement,” Jared answers, nuzzling into
     Jensen’s neck.
     “And Sandy got between me and this defensive lineman who was pinning
     me to the lockers, too.”
     “Sounds like you have awesome friends, Jay. Wish I could meet them.”
     “Yeah, me too,” Jared agrees.
     “But that’s not everything, is it?” Jensen prods.
     Jared sighs. “No, Aaron showed up at lunch with a girlfriend.”
     “That fucker!” Jensen curses, his arms tightening around Jared.
     “He says he can’t risk being discovered; he’d lose his inheritance.
     He’s lucky the girl who saw us didn’t see his face. So he started
     dating this chick his parents have been trying to hook him up with
     for ages.”
     “Jared, he’s essentially choosing his money over you,” Jensen says
     softly.
     “Oh I know,” Jared replies. “I broke up with him for good in Art
     class. I told him I understood he’s in a tough position, but that I
     won’t be anyone’s secret. Not anymore.”
     Jensen squeezes Jared tightly, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Good
     for you, Jay,” he whispers. “What did your family have to say?” he
     asks.
     “They’re worried about me, of course. Dad threatened to make a fuss
     at the school if kids won’t leave me alone, and Mom said she’d take
     it through the school district if necessary. Jeff said he’d come down
     and thump some ass—he’s friggin’ six-foot-seven now, so he could—if I
     need him to. But for now, we’re gonna just wait and see what happens.
     See if Chad’s threat is enough to keep people off my back.”
     “You would really enjoy Los Angeles, Jay. I wish you were here with
     me. You wouldn’t have to hide, and you and I could date openly and no
     one would care,” Jensen sighs and nuzzles Jared’s neck.
     “I wish I were there with you, too,” Jared answers, tugging on
     Jensen’s shirt. He wants Jensen naked,now.
     Jensen helps him take off his own shirt, then pulls Jared’s shirt out
     of his jeans. Jared pulls it over his head, then tugs on Jensen’s
     jeans, easily opening the button fly.
     Jensen shimmies out of his jeans and underwear, yanks Jared’s jeans
     off, too, so they’re both lying there, skin to skin.
     “I want you, Jay,” Jensen pants.
     “Fuck yeah,” Jared agrees, slicking up his fingers with lube from his
     bedside table.
     Jensen kisses him hard and deep for a long moment, tongue thrusting
     into Jared’s mouth, and Jared can’t wait until Jensen fucks him like
     he’s doing now with his tongue. But Jensen will only say “not yet” if
     Jared asks, and it’s not like fucking Jensen is a hardship.
     Jensen straddles Jared’s hips, and Jared reaches between Jensen’s
     knees to prepare him. God, the tightness of Jensen never gets old.
     His fingers slide into Jensen, pressing forward on his prostate, and
     Jensen moans, rocking onto Jared’s hand.
     “Enough,” Jensen pants, pressing on Jared’s arm.
     Jared slips his fingers out of Jensen and slicks up his cock with the
     remaining lube on his hand.
     And then Jensen sits down on him in one swift movement. “Oh FUCK!”
     Jared gasps, trying not to come.
     Jensen groans. “God, been waiting for this,” he says. “Been wanting
     you for days. Want to ride you like this, Jay.”
     “Christ, Jensen!” Jared moans. “God yeah, ride me.” He rocks his
     hips, pressing up into Jensen, needing Jensen to start moving
     already.
     Jensen laces their fingers together and starts rocking his hips.
     Jared’s upper arms are on the bed, but he’s holding his forearms up,
     giving Jensen some leverage to move against. Jensen uses their joined
     hands to lift himself up, sliding almost completely off of Jared, and
     then slamming back down.
     Jared grunts in pleasure, loving the way Jensen squeezes around him.
     “Fuck, Jay, you feel so good,” Jensen moans, dropping down on him
     again.
     “Christ, so do you,” Jared replies, thrusting up into Jensen. He
     can’t keep still, not with the way Jensen is riding him this hard.
     Jensen gasps at Jared’s thrust, throwing his head back. He leans
     back, still holding Jared’s hands, and whines. “Right there, baby,
     God, right there!”
     Jared presses his feet down into the mattress and uses them to thrust
     up into Jensen. Jen seems overtaken with lust, his eyes closed, head
     thrown back, spine arched as he bucks on top of Jared. Jensen’s cock
     is engorged and purple, drizzling pre-come down the length of it,
     bouncing with their thrusts. Jared wishes that he was flexible enough
     to suck Jensen’s cock while fucking him—he wants nothing more than to
     taste Jensen right now. And the way Jensen is moving above him, all
     sinuous grace, it’s the hottest thing that Jared has ever seen.
     Jensen begins shaking above him; Jared can feel the tremors through
     their joined bodies. “Yeah, that’s it, Jen,” he whispers. Jared
     focuses on hitting Jensen’s prostate as he slams up into him.
     Jensen has Jared’s hands in a death-grip—Jared can’t let go to stroke
     Jensen’s cock even though he wants to. But part of him wants to see
     if Jensen can come just from being fucked.
     He gets his answer then, and he watches as Jensen’s cock trembles and
     erupts, Jensen letting out a howl of pleasure.
     Holy fuck, it feels soAMAZINGwhen Jensen comes, the way he tightens
     down around Jared, squeezing his dick in rhythmic pulses. Jared
     continues to thrust up into Jensen’s prostate, dragging it out as
     much as he can, and Jensen shudders violently. “Fuck, Jared!” he
     gasps, and his cock gives one more feeble spurt onto Jared’s stomach.
     And that’sit, Jared explodes into Jensen, his entire body tightening
     with pleasure rocketing up his spine and down to his toes. He can
     still feel Jensen trembling and pulsing around him, and it sends
     another bright spark of electricity through his body.
     Jared shivers through the aftershocks, and finally opens his eyes
     just as Jensen collapses onto his chest.
     “Holy shit,” Jensen breathes. “That was… intense…”
     “You ain’t kidding, Jen,” Jared breathes in reply.
     Jensen rolls off of him and grabs a tissue of the bedside table to
     wipe up the mess. He then snuggles into Jared’s side, and Jared
     happily tangles their legs together.
     “Jared?” Jensen mumbles into his chest.
     “Yeah?” Jared replies sleepily, nosing Jensen’s hair.
     “I love you.”
     “I know, Jen,” Jared answers, squeezing Jensen tight. “I love you,
     too.”


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
Jared continued to suffer through glares, taunts, and shunning for the rest of
the year. Other than being slammed and jostled in the hallways, no one laid a
hand on him.
Jared continued to find his locker decorated with slurs. No matter how often
the school painted over Jared’s locker, the slurs inevitably came back.
Eventually, Jared decided to do something about it himself. He fetched his
acrylic paints and embellished the words with color: rainbows and butterflies,
plants and flowers. When someone called him a fairy, he painted a fairy on his
locker. Eventually it turned into a sort of evolving fantasy mural—every time
someone defaced it, Jared just turned it into art again. He actually got a sort
of morbid kick out of it, to see how he could make offensive words beautiful.
The school janitor stopped painting over it and let Jared handle the slurs his
own way. Jared even noticed people admiring the art when they didn’t think
anyone was watching, something that gave him a bizarre sense of glee.
Jared decided to stay on the basketball team, because he enjoyed it and he
wanted to show the school that he wasn’t going to let them keep him down. Coach
Belnap threatened to bench any player who had a problem with Jared being on the
team. After a couple of instances when he had to make good on that threat, the
guys who had an issue with Jared got over it, or at least put it aside for
games and practices.
Jared made a point to not go in the locker rooms when the other guys were in
there. It made him run later than anyone else, but he had his own vehicle now,
so it wasn’t like it made him miss the bus or anything. And it kept people from
freaking out about the homo checking them out while they were showering. Jared
didn’t think he should have to bother, but it was one concession he was willing
to make for his own sanity.
Chad, of course, continued to insist on changing and showering with Jared, just
to make a point. Or to make sure that no one snuck in to beat Jared’s head into
the tiles while he was alone. Whatever the reason, Jared didn’t care, and he
just loved Chad all the more for it.
After they won their first few games of the season, all with Jared leading in
points, the taunts and verbal abuse dwindled.
Christmas was a very welcome holiday, because he was able to spend it away from
school. He hung out with his family, Sandy, and Chad, and, of course, Jensen.
The rest of Jared’s junior year progressed pretty quietly. After Jared won them
the basketball championship, the name-calling came to a near stop. He didn’t
have to re-paint his locker as often, but Jared decided to leave it that way as
a testament to what he went through.
Mostly, Jared was ignored, except for lingering glares and sneers. Jared didn’t
care. He focused on his art, spent his lunches with Chad and Sandy, and aced
his classes. He ignored Aaron, who was continuing to make a show of dating
Jessica and pointedly ignored Jared in return. Jared didn’t care anymore. He
gave up on dating—there was no way he could do that and keep his low profile,
and besides, he had Jensen. He didn’t need anyone else.
Jensen flourished in college. He regaled Jared with stories about Chris and
Steve’s gigs, about his classes, about the looser California lifestyle. Jensen
wasn’t dating anyone seriously, either, but he hooked up occasionally, keeping
his encounters limited to casual sex. Jared couldn’t deny that this drove him a
little nuts, but he liked believing that Jensen had a real life, so he dealt
with it, figuring he could get Jensen back for it later, when he was in
college.
He worked again over the summer before his senior year, this time at a shoe
store, putting the money into fixing up his Bronco and purchasing more art
supplies. He went with Chad and Sandy to Six Flags, spent time floating the
river, and generally had a really fun summer.
His seventeenth birthday was particularly spectacular. Or the night of it was,
anyway. Jensen finally caved and made love to Jared. After so long of Jared
topping, he’d wanted to bottom for Jensen for ages, but Jensen insisted they
wait until Jared was at least seventeen, the legal age of consent in Texas.
Jared didn’t understand why it even mattered, because it was in his dreams and
wasn’t real, and no one would ever look to prosecute a figment of Jared’s
imagination for imagined underage sex. Certainly every other sixteen or
seventeen year old boy was dreaming about sex every night, so Jared wasn’t
unique on that front.
But nevertheless, Jensen insisted. He promised he would top on Jared’s
birthday, as a gift.
And what a gift it was. Jensen was so patient, stretching Jared so gently, and
he tormented Jared’s prostate mercilessly, bringing him to orgasm once before
the actual sex began and then once again when they were fucking. It was
incredibly intimate, looking up into Jensen’s green eyes, feeling Jensen move
within him, hearing Jensen’s whispered “I love you, Jay,” and saying “Love you”
in return… Jared woke up from that dream feeling complete in a way he hadn’t
before imagined. He wanted to find someone special to do that with in real
life, someone he could open himself to, have an emotional connection with.
Jared just wasn’t the type for casual sex, and he was okay with that. He was
also content to wait for someone he could love like Jensen.
His senior year progressed much like the last part of his junior year, in that
people tended to ignore him, except for when he was on the basketball court.
Aaron and Jessica were both gone, having graduated the previous year, so that
was one less stressor. Jared didn’t know if they were still together; he
frankly didn’t care. People left his locker alone now, though it was still a
mural. Jared changed it a little every now and then just to keep it fresh.
Though things were quiet, Jared kept busy, and he was actually quite content.
He loved his life—he didn’t need to be popular to feel good about himself or
have a good sense of self-worth.
When the time came for Jared to apply for college, he applied to several
schools in Texas, including A&M and UT Austin, and threw in one to UCLA. He
liked their art program, and it was in liberal Los Angeles. He wouldn’t have to
worry about being gay there, not like in Texas. He knew that Jensen wasn’t
really there, but he liked the idea of it, anyway. No matter how much his mom
wanted him to stay close by, Jared felt drawn to Los Angeles. It was kind of
like the way he felt in the dreams with Jensen—how there was this slight pull
in his chest that drew him to Jensen. It was odd, but he felt that way now,
just a little. He loved Texas, he really did, but Texas was one of the worst
states to live in for gays, and Jared really felt the need to get out of the
state and see what life was like in other places.
Jared and Chad led the school to another basketball championship that year, and
Jared was voted Most Valuable Player. It felt like a bigger deal than it
actually was—he was the top scorer—but it felt like an acknowledgment from the
school that he was one of them, that he mattered.

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March,_1998
One day in the week following the basketball championship, Sandy joined Jared
and Chad at a table in the cafeteria with a huge smile on her face. “I got into
the UCLA dance program!” she cheered.
“Holy shit, Sandy!” Jared gasped, and he stood up to twirl her around.
“Congratulations!”
“That’s awesome, Sandy!” Chad cheered, also getting up to congratulate her.
“You gonna go be a Laker Girl?”
“Maybe,” she teased. “Okay Jay, put me down!” she shrieked.
Jared gave her one more twirl and then set her down on her feet, only for Chad
to pick her up before she could get her balance back. Chad spun her around, and
she shrieked at him even more. Chad finally put her down, and they both sat at
the table, giggling.
“Have you guys heard anything from the schools you applied to?” Sandy asked,
breathless.
Jared shook his head no, but Chad nodded.
“You have?” Sandy gasped. Jared gaped at Chad—it was the first he’d heard of
it.
“Where?” Sandy and Jared asked at the same time.
Chad gave them a huge grin. “Fucking NYU, baby! I got a FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP to
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY!”
Sandy squealed. “New York City?! Oh my GOD, Chad, that’s AWESOME!”
“Yeah, Chad!” Jared thumped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations! But you’re
going to be in New York, Sandy in LA, and I don’t know where I’m going yet.”
“I thought you got some letters already,” Sandy said, frowning. “What did they
say?”
“I don’t know yet,” Jared answered. “My mom has them all. We wanted to wait
until we had all the letters, and then open them all at once. And then make a
decision.”
“How many letters do you have?” Chad asked.
“Three from Texas. I’m waiting to see if one comes in from UCLA,” Jared
answered.
“Well, I got mine last night, so you should get yours any day now,” Sandy
assured him. “And no matter where you end up going, we’ll all keep in touch.
That’s what email is for, and we’ll all come back here for holidays and stuff,
won’t we, Chad?”
“Absolutely, man,” Chad agreed. “I’m going to the Big Apple!”
“That’s awesome, Chad,” Jared said. “And now I’ll have an excuse to go there:
to visit your ass!”
“Fucking yeah, baby!” Chad cheered.
“You’ll hear something soon, Jay,” Sandy promised. “And when you do, we’ll
figure out what we’re going to do from there.”
“Thanks, Sands,” Jared replied, squeezing her hand.
After school that day, when Jared walked in the front door, his Mom was
standing in the kitchen, looking like she was going to burst out of her skin.
On the counter next to her was a big, fat envelope from University of
California, Los Angeles.
“Oh congratulations, sweetie!” his Mom said, grabbing him into a tight hug.
Jared beamed. “Thanks, mom! Can we look at all of the letters now?” he asked.
“I want to see what my options are.”
“Let’s wait until your father comes home,” she said. “We need to make this
decision together.”
Jared nodded. He definitely wanted his dad’s input. But the few hours until
dinner seemed like ages.
Finally, dinner was cleared, and Jared, Megan, and their parents sat around the
table with all four of the letters from the various colleges. They were all
thick, so Jared knew all of them were acceptance letters. The question was: did
he get any scholarships?
“Okay, let’s all take one letter and read what it says,” Sherry said.
Jared snatched up the UCLA letter and tore into it, hearing everyone else rip
open the other letters.
“Accepted, blah blah blah…” he mumbled, turning the page. “I got a scholarship
to UCLA,” he said aloud, feeling momentarily dumb. “It isn’t a full-ride, but
they’ll waive the out-of-state charges, and it should cover three-quarters of
my tuition.”
“Accepted, but no scholarship to A&M,” his dad reported.
“You got a partial scholarship to Texas Tech,” Megan reported.
“Full-ride basketball scholarship to UT Austin!” his mom squeaked. “Jared,
honey, that’s amazing! And it’s so close, you can come home on the weekends!”
She handed Jared the letter.
Jared placed the UT Austin letter next to the UCLA letter to compare them. In
so many ways the full-ride to Austin would be so much better; it would cost his
family less, make his college fund stretch out longer, he would be close to
home…
But there was this ache in Jared’s chest, pulling him toward UCLA. It was the
same gravitational pull toward Jensen that he felt in his dreams. Maybe he was
being fanciful, but he felt that he needed to go to Los Angeles.
“I’m taking the UCLA offer,” he announced.
“Why?” Gerry asked at the same time as his wife. Only his dad sounded curious,
not distraught like his mother.
“Because I don’t want to make basketball my life,” Jared answered. “I love
basketball, don’t get me wrong, and I’ll never stop playing, but I don’t want
to make that the focus of college. I want to focus on my art. That’s what I
want to do with my life, not be a basketball star.”
His dad nodded, smiling, but his mother didn’t seem placated yet. “But Jared,
honey, UCLA is so far away!”
“Exactly, Mom,” Jared insisted. “You all have been so supportive, and I love
y’all for it. But the fact remains that I’m gay, and Texas is a dangerous place
for gay folks. I’m lucky. Do you know how many queer kids are bashed in this
state every year? Los Angeles, on the other hand, is liberal, progressive. They
have a huge LGBT community. And it’s a place for creative people—artists,
actors, musicians, writers. I need that kind of support. I need to be somewhere
I can find a partner that I can be open and out with. That won’t happen in
Texas easily, and you know it.”
Sherry nodded in understanding. “Alright, that makes sense, Jared. I’ll miss
you so much, but I’m SO very proud of you!”
“I’ll come home on the holidays, Mom, I promise. And you guys can come visit
me, see the Pacific Ocean,” Jared said.
“That sounds like a fun family trip,” his dad said, smiling. “And I’m proud of
you, too, Jared.”
Jared beamed. He was going to UCLA. With Sandy. In Los Angeles, where Jensen
was majoring in English-Lit at USC. Or where Jensen was going to school in his
dreams, anyway. It felt right, the ache in his chest lessened just a bit, and
Jared’s heart soared.

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May,_1998
“Jay-man, what are your plans for prom?” Chad asked, sliding into place beside
Jared, who was standing at his locker.
Jared shrugged. “Dunno. Sandy already has a date, so I was thinking about
skipping it, actually. I don’t want to go stag, so…”
“No way, dude. You are NOT missing your senior prom. It’s a fucking rite of
passage, man. This is non-negotiable.”
Jared raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t have a date, man,” he said.
“Yes, you do,” Chad grinned at him.
“Who?” Jared asked, surprised. “Man, did you set me up with one of your flings?
I don’t want to go with some girl as my beard, Chad.”
“Nah, man, it’s not a chick.” He was grinning, like he had some big secret
surprise.
Jared started to feel nervous. “Then who?” he asked again.
“Yours truly!” Chad said, beaming.
“What?” Jared was baffled. He must have stepped into some alternate reality.
“Chad, you aren’t gay.”
“Dude, I KNOW that.”
“Then why are you asking me out?” Jared said, exasperated. He slammed his
locker shut and started walking down the hall.
“Okay, listen to me for a minute,” Chad said, walking beside Jared. “It’s the
last big thing of the year, other than graduation. You really should go and
have a good time. And the people at this school have been such moronically
stupid assholes to you, you shouldn’t let them ruin your year.”
“Chad, I haven’t let them ruin my year. I’ve had a great year, man. I don’t
need their approval.”
“I KNOW that, dude. Let me finish!” Chad rolled his eyes like Jared was an
idiot.
Jared laughed. “Okay, what’s your big plan, then, because I can tell you have
one!”
“Okay, Jay, you’ll come to the prom as my date. People have pretty much been
glossing over the fact that you’re gay, right?”
Jared nodded.
“Well, if you go as my date, you’ll rub their noses in it, and show them that
you’re proud of it, too! And everyone will get in a big tizzy over it, and it
will be hilarious. You’ll be showing them that they didn’t push you down, that
you’re not afraid of them, and that you’re cool enough to be seen with me.”
“Chad,” Jared said, trying not to shake the stupid out of his friend. “They’ll
think you’re gay if you take me as your date.”
“Whoop-de-fucking-do! I don’t give a rat’s ass what they think about me, Jared.
You and I both know the truth. Their ignorant opinions don’t matter, and I’m
getting the hell out of here for college, anyway. I really would love the
opportunity to make them uncomfortable, particularly after everything they did
to you, you know?”
Jared took a moment to wonder just how miserable his high school experience
would have been without Chad to stand up for him. It wasn’t a pretty picture.
He probably would have been beat to hell, or had to transfer to a different
school, or withdraw from school completely. Chad had made a huge difference in
his life here, made it tolerable. Jared owed Chad, and more than that, he loved
Chad, in a totally platonic, brotherly way, of course. He couldn’t deny his
best friend a bit of fun. And it was actually a pretty good idea.
“Okay, then, I’ll go as your date. But it should be a date date, man, with
dinner and everything. And can I give you a kiss goodnight afterwards?”
Chad made a face and shoved him. “In no universe is your tongue to ever come
within a foot of mine,” he said, shuddering. “But definitely yes on dinner,
man.”
Jared laughed and punched Chad on the shoulder. “All right man. You asked me,
so you’re buying.”
Chad grinned back at him. “You got it.”

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
Chad and Jared arrived at the swanky hotel where the school was holding the
prom dressed in matching tuxes, and stuffed full of a steak dinner. Jared was
wearing a rainbow striped tie, while Chad went with a pale pink. Every time
Jared looked at it, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Chad was the gayest, most
flamboyant straight dude Jared knew.
Behind them were Sandy and her date, Mark Woodson, a guy in her AP English
class that she’d been casually seeing for a few months now. Mark seemed like a
nice guy, and he never showed any sign of being uncomfortable around Jared, nor
did he seem to be jealous of Sandy’s friendship with Jared. The four of them
were double-dating for the night.
The guy taking the tickets at the door blinked and stared when Chad and Jared
reached the front of the line. Jared had his arm looped with Chad’s and was
batting his eyelashes coyly, deliberately acting campy because it was making
Sandy laugh hysterically.
“What?” Chad challenged the guard, smirking. “Got a problem?”
“School policy is that only normal couples—a guy and a girl—are allowed to
attend the Prom,” the security guard said.
Chad sighed. “Or singles without a date, right?” he asked.
“Yes, but all singles have to have their own ticket.”
“Well, we are completely within school policy,” Chad said, rifling through his
jacket pocket and producing two tickets. He handed one to Jared, who freed his
arm from Chad’s. “Here are two ‘single’ tickets. We are two guys going stag,”
he said.
The guy scowled, obviously trying to come up with a way to deny them entrance.
“Alright,” he said eventually. He made Chad and Jared come through separately,
stamping their hands one at a time with the mark that would allow them re-
entry, scowling the whole time. “Enjoy your evening.”
“Oh, we intend to,” Jared said, batting his eyelashes at the guard. This was
actually a lot of fun, making him squirm.
“Dude,” he hissed at Chad the moment they walked through the door. “You had to
buy two ‘single’ tickets for this instead of a ‘couple’ ticket?”
“Yeah. Stupid homophobic school policy. But at least I knew about it ahead of
time.” Chad didn’t seem bothered by this at all.
“Did it cost more that way? I’ll pay you back for my ticket if it was,” Jared
promised.
Chad shook his head dismissively. “Naw, it was the same price for two singles
as one couple. Don’t worry about it. I asked you to be my date, so it’s on me.”
Sandy and Mark appeared behind them, and Sandy was fuming. “I can’t believe
they tried to keep you from coming in! Just because you’re two guys! That SO
isn’t fair!”
“No, it isn’t fair,” Mark agreed.
“Whatever, it’s dealt with now, so let’s have some fun!” Chad crowed, grinning
jubilantly. “We have arrived, the party can now begin!”
Jared laughed as Chad dragged him over to the refreshments table. “Dammit, not
spiked,” Chad groused. “Oh well. We don’t need alcohol to have a blast, do we,
Jay?”
Chad’s enthusiasm was truly infectious. “Nope!” Jared agreed.
And they did have a blast. Chad insisted on dancing obscenely with Jared in the
middle of the dance floor just to see the looks on other people’s faces, and
Jared could barely keep a straight face the entire time. Jared got in a couple
of dances with Sandy, too, who looked drop-dead gorgeous in her blue satin
dress. And the four of them danced together for most of the night, save when
they claimed a table and descended on the refreshments.
Jared and Chad received a number of scowls and dirty looks, but Jared didn’t
care, and neither did Chad. They also received some respectful nods, as if
people admired them for their gumption. But no one said anything outright.
It was the best night that Jared had had in a very long time, and he was so
glad that Chad had talked him into it.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
The rest of the year was a blur of preparations for graduation, and before he
knew it, Jared was walking up the ramp to the stage at the graduation ceremony.
He couldn’t help but feel like he was finally going somewhere, moving closer to
where he needed to be—Los Angeles. When Jared walked across the stage to
collect his diploma, listening to his family and friends cheer as his name was
announced, he knew that his life was just getting started.
***** Three *****

                    Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit


                                     Three


May,_2001
     Green. All Jared can see is green, flashes of soft, light green,
     deep, dark green, bright yellow green. Then flashes of white and
     blue, and gold, and of course, more green. Things gradually come into
     focus, and he realizes that he’s lying on the ground, looking up
     through the leaves of a beech tree. He can feel the moss and dirt
     under his fingertips, and he can smell the grass and wild, earthy
     freshness of a forest.
     Jensen is standing next to him, studying the white-black bark of the
     tree, his face focused, intent. Light dapples across his bare
     shoulders, shadows flickering across his skin as the breeze shifts
     the leaves. Jared takes another deep breath, and he catches a whiff
     of Jensen intermixed with the grass and the earth. He feels
     comfortable, lying on the mossy ground, safe.
     “They sometimes call it a marriage tree when it joins like this,”
     Jensen says, still looking at the tree, running his hands across the
     bark.
     Jared shifts his focus to Jensen’s hands, following them with his
     gaze, and notices how it isn’t one tree, but two. Two trees that grew
     very close to each other, and have grown together at the trunk,
     joining together in an elegant twist, in what resembles an embrace.
     “The two trees become one organism when they join like this,” Jensen
     says. “No longer two separate trees, but now one. Merged lives.
     Husband and wife trees, they’re called sometimes. Marriage trees.” He
     caresses the joint between the trees, where it looks like one tree is
     penetrating the other in a surprisingly sexual manner.
     “Of course, I like to think of them as husband trees,” Jensen says,
     and he finally turns to look at Jared with eyes greener than the
     foliage all around them. “No wife necessary,” he continues.
     Jared suddenly is standing next to Jensen, and the cocoon of leaves
     seems to grow closer around them. He places his hand over Jensen’s,
     feels the joining of the trees with him, their fingers sliding
     together over the smooth and rough bark. He cups his other hand
     around Jensen’s cheek, feels the softness of his skin, feels the
     muscle of his cheek flex as Jensen quirks his lips into a smile.
     “No, no wife necessary,” he agrees, watching the sunlight reflect in
     Jensen’s eyes. “Just husbands,” he murmurs, and brings his mouth to
     Jensen’s.
     Jensen hums into the kiss, slipping his tongue into Jared’s mouth,
     and Jared is awash in a green haze of pleasure.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]
“Hey Jared! You’ve got an appointment at 3:00,” Tom said from behind the
counter as Jared came through the doors of the gym where he worked.
“Awesome!” Jared smiled as he waved his staff ID badge at the reader, which
beeped and opened the gate for him. “Who’ve I got?” he asked.
“New client, her name is Anna Silvas,” Tom replied, grinning at Jared. Tom
Welling was a fellow Art major at UCLA—most of the employees at the gym were
students—but Tom was focusing on photography, whereas Jared was focusing on
painting. He and Jared had quickly become friends and study partners when they
had discovered that they had randomly ended up with four classes together one
semester in Jared’s second year. Tom was nearly as tall as Jared (who was now
just shy of six-foot-five), but he was much broader across the chest and
shoulders. He had wavy dark brown hair, light blue eyes, and a charming smile
that made Jared think he would be perfect to play a superhero. Tom was a few
years older than Jared, but they were in the same year because Tom had worked a
few years after high school to save up money for college.
“Alright,” Jared said. Anna Silvas was not one of Jared’s regular clients,
which meant that he had to go through an assessment with her before they got to
work on her exercise routine. Jared actually enjoyed that part of the job,
customizing an exercise regimen to help people meet their individual goals.
Jared worked at the gym as a personal trainer, and he taught a few
classes—circuit training and spinning, primarily. It was an awesome job that
allowed him to work out and get paid for it. He’d had another growth spurt when
he turned eighteen, and it had taken him a few years to build the muscle onto
his lanky frame. But finally, he no longer felt like the scrawny kid he was in
middle school. He wasn’t really bulky yet, not as buff as Tom by any means, but
Jared was pleased with how he was developing physically.
“Mike is on the treadmills!” Tom called as Jared walked down the hall toward
the locker room. “Smack him on the ass for me!”
Jared waved backwards in acknowledgment, chuckling. He stuffed his bag in his
locker and took a few minutes to stretch before he headed back out onto the
floor to get his own workout in before clocking in on his shift. He wanted to
warm up for a bit on a treadmill before switching to the weights. Spotting Mike
across the room, Jared grinned and maneuvered around the various machines until
he was stepping onto the treadmill next to Mike.
“How’s it going, Rosey?” Jared asked as he set the controls on the treadmill to
the program he wanted.
He noticed that he still had green paint in his fingernails—after that dream
he’d had of Jensen the other night, he’d spent all of his spare time the last
couple of days painting a large landscape of trees, some of the trunks grown
together like Jensen had talked about. Husband trees, no wife necessary, Jared
thought. What an interesting notion. He’d actually exhausted his supply of
blue, yellow, and various green paints, so he needed to stop by the art supply
store for more. It wasn’t remotely the first time he had made art inspired by
his dreams with Jensen—Jared had more sketches and paintings of or inspired by
Jensen than he could count. He wondered absently why Jensen was so focused on
joined trees, but then Mike re-caught his attention by smacking Jared’s ass.
How he managed to reach over the bars of two treadmills to do that while still
running and not topple off the back of the machine, Jared had no idea.
“Awesome, gigantor, how about you?” Mike grinned at him, panting. His short
brown hair was dripping with sweat, and Jared could see that he’d been running
for nearly an hour.
Mike was Tom’s boyfriend, and he was a guy who reminded Jared a lot of Chad,
only gayer. Mike Rosenbaum was a goofy, crazy guy who had a huge flair for the
dramatic, though he wasn’t quite effeminate. Jared thought it was totally
fitting that Mike was a Drama major.
“This quarter is kicking my ass, man,” Jared complained as he started jogging.
“I am SO looking forward to the summer break.”
Mike punched a button on his treadmill and slowed to a brisk walk, and then
threw him a curious look. “I thought all you had left was studio work and your
senior project,” he said, still breathing heavily.
“For my major, mostly yeah,” Jared clarified. “It’s the classes for my minor
that are killing me. Man, I never imagined that there was so much that went
into teaching.”
Mike chuckled. “Got used to all your Art stuff and now the serious academic
classes are making you work hard?”
“God, no shit,” Jared replied. He was starting to breathe heavily now, and the
treadmill ramped up to a slight incline.
He’d done all the general requirements his first couple of years, and then
focused heavily on the Art classes. It was just this past Winter Quarter, in
the middle of his junior year, that he’d decided to add on the Education minor,
so he’d have the ability to teach Art if he ended up having trouble making
money as an artist. This was his first quarter since that involved more
Education than Art classes, and Jared had to shift mental gears to get through
it. But he liked the challenge, liked thinking about ways to inspire artistic
creativity in children. He didn’t like the exams so much, though. And with only
a couple of weeks left before finals, he was really starting to feel the
pressure.
Adding the Education minor also added a year to his degree—it would take him
five years to finish instead of the usual four. But Jared didn’t mind that so
much. He loved it here—well, there were some things about Los Angeles that
really sucked, like the smog and the fucking traffic, but living near campus
and riding his bike to class and his job allowed him to avoid driving for the
most part. Jared loved being a student, he loved UCLA, he loved the people that
he’d met and the friends he’d made, Tom and Mike in particular.
Tom was… serene. Calm. Still waters run deep, always with a zen-like clarity
that made him a fabulous person to go to for advice. Jared sometimes thought
that Tom would do better in psychology. Mike, on the other hand, was… an
adventure. Upon learning that Jared was still a gay sex newbie (because Jared’s
nighttime sexcapades with Jensen didn’t count in the real world, not that Jared
mentioned that to Mike), he had insisted that he and Tom “educate” Jared in the
techniques of gay love.
It had been a complete shock to Jared that Mike and Tom would do that—have sex
with other people when they were practically married, but it was something they
did occasionally as a couple, “to keep things exciting,” as Mike put it. Jared
had never seen two people as devoted to each other as Mike and Tom, and their
relationship seemed to work well. So being invited into a three-way with them
had spun Jared’s world around for a little bit.
He talked it over with Jensen—he was very curious about having sex in the real
world, he felt that he shouldn’t technically be a virgin anymore, not at 20,
and he wanted to get that rite of passage out of the way. Plus, Tom and Mike
were good friends, safe, and he knew that things with them wouldn’t get messy
or complicated. But, that would mean he would be going against his general rule
of no casual sex. Eventually, after a long conversation, Jensen had grudgingly
acquiesced, saying, “Every gay man should have a threesome at least once in
their life, Jay. Just keep it casual.” Only then did Jared agree, on the
condition that it would be one time only, casual, no obligations, and that it
wouldn’t affect their friendship.
Having sex with Mike and Tom had been quite educational. And fucking hot,
though still not as amazing as sex with Jensen. Jared learned a lot about his
own preferences, and had realized in astonishment that his dreams with Jensen
were pretty damned accurate, something that still boggled Jared’s mind. How
could he have gotten the physical feeling of fucking and being fucked exactly
right in his dreams, when he hadn’t ever done it before in real life? Jared
couldn’t explain it, and by this point in his life, he’d pretty much given up
trying to figure out or explain his dreams with Jensen at all. They just were.
As agreed, the tryst with Tom and Mike had only happened once. It was fun, but
he much preferred his relationships less complicated. He had come to understand
that monogamy wasn’t always the norm in the gay community, but he still felt
personally that he was a one-man-at-a-time kind of guy. If he ever found
someone in real life that he loved like he loved Jensen, he wouldn’t ever want
anyone else.
He had recently started dating Justin Hartley, a mechanical engineering major
that he’d met here at the gym. They’d been dating casually for a couple of
months, and only just decided to be exclusive a few weeks ago. Jared liked
Justin a lot, and while he was a long way from being in love with him, he was
enjoying getting to know Justin and was optimistic about them as a couple. The
sex was good, too, though not as good as with Jensen.
“Shit, man, I think I’m fucking done,” Mike said beside him, yanking Jared out
of his thoughts again. He tended to disappear into his own head when he ran—it
gave him lots of time to think.
Jared looked over to see Mike pressing the stop button on the treadmill. Mike
stood there for a moment, wiping his face with a towel.
“You and Justin got plans tonight?” Mike asked.
“Not that I know of,” Jared answered. “Why?”
“There’s this bar that’s got live music, local bands, cheap beer and cheap
cover charge. Thought it would be fun if we checked it out,” Mike said.
“It’s someplace laid-back, right?” Jared asked, panting. He’d had his fill of
dance clubs his first couple of years here, and had found out the hard way that
he preferred smaller, down-to-earth bars and pubs he could relax in over the
glitzy, glamorous LA clubs. Live music with a local band was better than
electronic techno-pop, re-mixed dance tracks any day.
“Yeah,” Mike answered. “Definitely. I’m in the mood for beer, music, and a pool
table.”
“Awesome,” Jared said. “I’ll run it by Justin this afternoon.”
“Cool!” Mike said, stepping off the treadmill. “Tell Sandy and the girls that
they’re invited, too. Call me later and I’ll give you the info!”
Jared nodded at him and flashed a thumbs-up.
Mike laughed and swatted Jared on the ass. “See you tonight, hot stuff!”
Jared laughed and kept on jogging, watching Mike’s ass as he walked away. He
might be dating Justin now, but that didn’t mean he was dead, and it certainly
didn’t make him forget Mike’s incredible ass.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Justin was waiting outside his apartment building for Jared when he pulled up
out front. He smiled widely as he climbed into the seat, slamming the door shut
before leaning over to collect a kiss from Jared.
“Hey, babe!” Justin said when they pulled apart, his brown eyes twinkling. “So
where are we headed again?” he asked.
Justin’s blond hair was stylishly messy, and Jared had the urge to run his
hands through it and make it actually messy. He loved the way Justin’s soft
hair slid through his fingers. Justin was also wearing a very flattering pair
of jeans and a white t-shirt under a black button-up. Jared eyed him
appreciatively, giving him a salacious grin, tempted to shove him in the back
of the Bronco for a fuck.
Justin obviously could tell what was on Jared’s mind, and his eyes grew darker.
“You look pretty awesome yourself, Jare. I’ll definitely take you up on that
later.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Jared replied as he put the Bronco in gear and
pulled away from the curb. “We should break the truck in properly, after all.”
“Wow, sex in the back of a beat up Bronco. You’re so romantic, Jare,” Justin
teased, smiling.
“You like it and you know it,” Jared retorted. “And my baby isn’t beat up,” he
pouted, patting the dash. “She’s in lots better shape now than she was when I
got her.” Which was entirely true. He had slowly been fixing his Bronco up a
little at a time. His parents had helped him pay to get the engine tuned up and
running really smoothly. They’d insisted on it before Jared drove himself and
Sandy out to LA when they started school, and his parents wanted to make sure
the truck wouldn’t break down on them on the way. Jared had subsequently had
the 351 motor rebuilt with aftermarket heads, and she was pretty gutsy now.
Still rusty, but Jared just thought that added to her character. He cared less
about having a glitzy exterior and more about it running reliably. Plus, it
made it less likely that anyone would try to steal it—who would want a run-down
looking Bronco?
Justin gave him an amused smile.
“I didn’t hear you say no, either,” Jared teased.
Justin scoffed. “Like I’d ever say no to sex with you.”
Jared chuckled. “Such a slut for my cock, Hartley.”
“Goddamned right,” Justin nodded. “So where are we going again?”
“This bar Mike heard of that has a live local band playing tonight. He gave me
directions,” Jared said, and then handed the paper with the directions over to
Justin. “Here, shotgun, you navigate.” The bar was in a different part of town,
closer to the USC campus than UCLA, and he wasn’t familiar with the area, so
having Justin read off the directions was easier than trying to drive in the
crazy LA traffic while reading from a piece of paper.
“Roger, captain,” Justin chuckled. “Head toward 405.”
That Jared could do without instructions, and he headed toward the highway.
When they arrived at the bar, Jared slung his arm around Justin’s shoulders as
they walked toward the entrance. Justin was tall, but still a bit shorter than
Jared—because few people were as tall as he was. But Jared felt that Justin was
a better fit for him than Aaron ever was. They were more physically compatible.
As they walked through the door, Jared noticed a flyer advertising the band.
Friday Night Live Music: KANE! $4 Cover, $2 Draft Beer!
Something about it nagged at Jared’s brain, but he couldn’t really figure out
what it was. He spotted his friends in a large corner booth and dismissed the
thought as he bought a couple of beers at the bar and navigated around tables
to get to the table, one hand in Justin’s back pocket.
The band was playing a rowdy mix of country and rock, and Jared could tell that
the two front guys were really good. The guy singing had shoulder-length brown
hair, and he was built like a fighter. The other guy was had shaggy blonde hair
and a scruffy goatee. Jared liked their sound right away.
Once they reached the booth, they were greeted with a chorus of “Hey, Jared!
Justin!” and “Jay-Man!” as they squeezed into the booth.
Mike and Tom were squashed in the middle, Mike nearly in Tom’s lap, and next to
them were Sandy and her two best girl friends, Sophia and Genevieve. They were
all in the dance program together, and had quickly become an inseparable trio,
or “the Brunette Squad,” as Jared liked to call them. Sandy was eyeing the band
with interest, and whispered something to Sophia, who giggled.
“Sands, what’ya talking about over there?” Jared teased.
Sandy grinned at him, blushing. “How hot the lead singer is!” she replied,
pointing at the band.
“What are we? Road kill?” Mike objected, mock-offended.
“Like you need your ego stroked, Rosey,” Sophia retorted. “But you’re all gay,
and you’re all taken.”
“Jared, you and Justin are together now?” Genevieve asked, surprised. She had
always seemed to have a bit of a crush on Jared, which made him a little
uncomfortable. He liked her well enough, she seemed to be a genuinely sweet
girl, but Jared was not remotely attracted to her. Sandy had explained it to
Genevieve a few times over the last couple of years, but she had continued
carrying a torch for Jared.
Justin answered for him. “Yup, he’s mine now,” he grinned, wrapping his arm
around Jared possessively.
Jared pushed down the slight annoyance at Justin’s territorial display. He
wasn’t remotely ready to say he was Justin’s. Yes, they were officially
boyfriends, but he still felt privately like he belonged to Jensen. But he
nodded and gave Justin the kiss he was angling for, because maybe seeing him
with his boyfriend would finally encourage Genevieve to give up.
“Oh, that’s cool,” she said, putting on a fake-looking smile.
“Congratulations.”
Jared smiled politely and changed the topic. “So, you gals gonna try to hook up
with the band?”
Sandy grinned and ran with it. “If possible. I mean, how could they resist us?”
she said, waving at herself and her friends.
“Honey, no straight guy in his right mind would turn you gorgeous ladies down,”
Tom said, and Jared nodded in agreement.
The song came to an end, and in the middle of all of the cheers and clapping,
Tom prodded the girls. “Better go make your move! Gotta let them see you if you
want any chance!”
“Wish us luck!” Sophia said, grinning and running her fingers through her hair.
The girls shuffled out of the booth and Sandy wrapped an arm around Gen’s
shoulder, whispering in her ear.
“These guys are pretty awesome, right?” Mike prodded. People were taking
advantage of the break between songs to head to the bar, and Jared could barely
hear Mike or the band over the noise.
“Yeah!” Jared agreed enthusiastically.
“Too much country for my tastes,” Justin said, frowning.
Jared felt another surge of annoyance; country music was not his favorite type
of music, he preferred rock and alternative, but he still liked country, and
being from Texas, country music was a part of his heritage. Justin slamming it
felt a little personal.
Justin apparently clocked onto Jared’s thoughts, because he followed up quickly
with, “But they’re obviously very talented, and they have good lyrics.”
“You guys want another round?” Tom asked, interrupting them, a slightly
concerned look on his face.
“Sure!” Justin answered and handed Tom a five.
Jared smiled at Tom to indicate that he was fine.
Tom took the money and shuffled himself and Mike out of the booth. “Be right
back,” he said.
Justin took the opportunity of having the booth to themselves to kiss Jared
properly, tongue sliding into Jared’s mouth. Jared smiled into the kiss,
because, damn, Justin was a good kisser. He felt his annoyance slip away as
Justin’s fingers carded through his hair.
“Sorry, babe,” Justin whispered into Jared’s mouth.
“It’s alright,” Jared replied. “I’ll just put on a country station when I fuck
you tonight in the Bronco.”
Justin’s eyes glinted, darkening, and he snickered before kissing Jared again.
The band members were talking to the audience, and Jared caught a few sentences
over the noise in the room. “Too bad Jen is working tonight,” one guy said.
The other guy said something that Jared didn’t quite catch—he wasn’t really
paying attention because Justin’s tongue was really distracting—followed by,
“but next weekend we promise to drag Jenny up here to sing with us!”
Mike and Tom showed back up then, with a pitcher of beer and a stack of
glasses. “Damn, that’s hot,” Mike whistled, and Jared broke away from Justin’s
mouth, laughing.
“Pervs,” he said with mock disgust.
“Takes one to know one,” Mike sing-songed, grinning and eyes twinkling.
Jared laughed, and then laughed even harder at Justin’s slightly confused
expression, throwing his head back in delight. He obviously knew he was missing
some sort of inside joke, but Jared wasn’t going to enlighten him just then. He
pinched Justin on the hip, grinning.
The girls didn’t reappear for at least an hour, and the guys slowly worked on
the pitcher of beer and caught up on each other’s lives as the band went
through another couple of sets. Justin was a little bit the odd man out, being
an engineer in the middle of three artists, but he didn’t seem to mind, and the
conversation flowed smoothly around sports and plans for the summer break.
Jared quit drinking after a beer and a half because he was tired enough already
and still had to drive home, but he enjoyed watching Justin get tipsy. Sandy,
Sophia, and Gen appeared, giggling about the lead singer asking Sandy for her
number.
“Good for you, Sands!” Jared said, grinning. “Get you some!” She hadn’t had a
lot of luck with guys here. Some of them hadn’t been able to get past her very
close friendship with Jared, or her fiercely independent personality. She could
use a good fuck, at the very least.
She grinned at him, smirking. “We’ll see!”
“We’re gonna call it a night,” Sophia said, pulling out her keys. “Saturday
morning rehearsals suck.”
There was a flurry of hugs and kisses as the Brunette Squad made their exit,
and upon seeing the time, Jared decided he wanted to leave, too.
Justin pouted, but Jared whispered in his ear, “I believe I was gonna fuck you
in the Bronco.”
His brown eyes darkened, and he slammed down his glass on the table. “G’night
Mike, Tom,” he said, shoving Jared toward the door.
Jared laughed and waved behind him at Mike and Tom, Mike hooting at his back,
“if the Bronco’s a buckin’, don’t bother knockin’!”
“Damn straight,” Justin muttered, pulling Jared out the door and toward the
parking lot.
Jared quickly found a dark spot in the alley to park in, not having the
patience to drive across town to a make-out spot. He made sure to crank up the
radio on a country station before bending Justin over the back bench seat.
“Come on, Jare, fuck me,” Justin prodded when Jared was fingering him open.
“Don’t need all the prep, just want your dick.”
Jared grunted and slid on the condom, adding a little extra lube. “Such a slut
for my cock, Justin,” he said, pressing into his boyfriend. “Fuck, you’re
tight.”
“God, yes,” Justin grunted and pushed back against him, forcing him in faster.
“So that’s how you want it?” Jared asked, pulling out and slamming back in.
“Hard and fast?”
“Fuck yeah,” Justin groaned.
So Jared gave it to him hard and fast. Justin let out a whine as he came
against the vinyl upholstery, his shudders rocking through Jared and tipping
him over the edge as well.
“Christ, Justin,” Jared panted as he pulled out.
Justin had a lazy, satiated smile on his face as he collapsed sideways onto the
bench seat. “I do believe I have a new appreciation for country music,” he
smirked.
Jared laughed and slapped his bare thigh.
Afterward, Jared dropped Justin off at his apartment.
“Come up?” Justin asked, smiling sweetly at him.
Jared felt like maybe he should, but part of him just wanted to go back to his
own place. He still didn’t like spending the night with anyone, just in case he
dreamed of Jensen. The dreams happened less often if he wasn’t in his own bed,
but still. Jared wasn’t ready to share that with anyone yet. “I’ve got a six
a.m. shift tomorrow morning,” he said, hedging, knowing that it would
discourage Justin, who loathed early mornings.
Predictably, Justin scowled. “Dammit,” he said. “Oh well, call you tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Jared answered, smiling. He leaned over for a kiss goodnight, humming
into Justin’s mouth.
“G’night, Jare,” Justin said, opening the car door.
Driving home to the apartment he shared with Sandy, Jared wondered why he
didn’t feel satisfied. Justin was his boyfriend, and the sex had been hot and
fun, but it was missing something.
As he let himself into the apartment, he snorted. Of course he knew what was
missing: Jensen.
Sandy came out into the living room when Jared shut the door. She was wearing a
tank top and pajama bottoms and looked ready for bed. Taking in his disheveled
appearance, she waggled her eyebrows at him. “Ooh, did you have a good time
with Justin?”
Jared grinned. “Yeah.”
“Tell me you christened the Bronco,” she said, bouncing eagerly.
“You, my dear,” he said, kissing her on the forehead, “are far too interested
in my sex life.”
He loved rooming with Sandy; they had shared this small, two-bedroom, two-
bathroom apartment since halfway through his first year, when it had become
painfully obvious that living in the dorms was NOT going to work with his
dreams of Jensen. Even when they were first figuring out how to live together
without parents there to cook and clean and Sandy kicked his ass about her “not
being the housewife in this relationship,” he loved living with her. They each
had their own room, and she usually slept with a white noise machine and ear
plugs to drown out the sounds of the city, so Jared never had to worry about
her overhearing him when he was dreaming of Jensen. But sometimes, she was way
too curious about his love life.
She pouted, and then broke into a grin. “Come on, Jay-bear! I bet you and
Justin are so hot together! Give a girl some details!”
He laughed and walked past her toward his bedroom. “Sandy, with your
imagination, you don’t need any help from me.”
He could hear her whine behind him, and decided to throw her a bone. “Yes we
christened the Bronco,” he teased. “Vinyl seats are so easy to clean up.”
“Ew! I’m never sitting in your back seat again!” she screeched at him,
wrinkling her nose.
Jared threw his head back and cackled in glee. “If you don’t wanna know, don’t
ask! G’night, Sands!”

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]

     Jared opens his eyes to see Jensen at his desk in his bedroom, typing
     furiously. He feels an overwhelming sense of relief—it’s been a
     couple weeks since his last lucid dream of Jensen, and he has missed
     talking to his lover.
     “What’ya doin’?” he asks, stepping up behind Jensen and placing his
     hands on his shoulders.
     Jensen spins around in the chair and looks up at him with a wide
     smile. “Jared!” he says, and he stands up to wrap Jared in a tight
     hug.
     Jared squeezes him back, burying his face in Jensen’s neck. That’s
     his favorite smell in the whole world: the smell of Jensen right
     here, where his throat meets his shoulder.
     “Christ, Jared, where have you been?” Jensen says into his hair.
     “Missed you, too, Jen,” Jared replies. “Just been busy with school
     and work. Got finals this week. This quarter is kicking my ass.”
     Jensen chuckles, pulling back just enough to slot his mouth over
     Jared’s.
     Yes, this,thisis what Jared has been missing.
     Jensen kisses him for another long moment, tongues stroking, until
     Jared breaks away, panting.
     “Hey,” he whispers, smiling.
     Jensen smiles back, putting their foreheads together. “Hey,” he says.
     “What about you?” Jared asks, sitting down on the bed.
     Jensen sits down in the chair, wheeling it over so their knees are
     touching.
     “You know that story I wrote for my senior project last year?” he
     asks.
     Jared nods.
     “Well, my graduate advisor thinks it’s good enough to publish,”
     Jensen continues.
     “Jen, that’s so amazing!” Jared gushes, feeling enormously proud.
     Jensen beams at him, a huge grin that makes his eyes crinkle and his
     face light up. “So I’m working really hard on that. I’m completely
     re-writing it, essentially. I’m changing the setting to an orchard. I
     have to have it finished to submit to the publisher by August.”
     Well, that explains his focus on trees. “Have they agreed to publish
     it?” Jared asks, sliding their fingers together.
     “Yeah, they have, Jay,” Jensen says, and his smile gets impossibly
     bigger.
     “Oh my God!” Jared shouts. “That’s incredible!”
     Jensen apparently can’t keep still anymore, and he launches off the
     chair at Jared, throwing him back onto the bed, laughing as their
     mouths come together again. “I can’t believe it, either,” he says,
     nipping at Jared’s jaw.
     “What shall we do to celebrate?” Jared asks, waggling his eyebrows.
     “I know what I want to do,” Jensen grins, his eyes darkening. He gets
     up on his knees and tugs off Jared’s pajama bottoms.
     Jared grins and pulls his t-shirt over his head, and then fists
     Jensen’s shirt, yanking. “Off,” he says.
     Jensen pulls his shirt off, then his pants. The moment he’s naked,
     Jensen digs in his bedside table for lube and then climbs on top of
     Jared, straddling his hips.
     “Oh yeah,” Jared gasps, knowing where this is going. He holds out his
     hand out eagerly. “Let me?”
     Jensen grins at him and squeezes lube over Jared’s fingers. He tosses
     the bottle to the bed and gets up on his knees. Jared sits up and
     scoots back on the bed so he’s sitting up against the headboard.
     “C’mere,” he says, crooking his finger.
     Jensen grins and walks up the bed on his knees, until he is once
     again straddling Jared’s hips.
     “Yeah,” Jared breathes. “Wanna hold you.” He reaches his hand around
     Jensen’s thighs, and presses his fingers into Jensen, stretching him
     quickly.
     Jen groans and pushes down onto Jared’s hand. “Yeah, Jay,” he gasps.
     “More.”
     Jared works in a third finger, pressing forward into his prostate.
     Jensen throws his head back and whines. Christ, he’s beautiful. Jared
     licks at his neck, sucking gently on the muscles beneath his ear.
     “Okay, okay…” Jensen bats at Jared’s arm.
     Jared wipes the excess slick onto his cock, then lines up with his
     lover, pressing upward as Jensen drops down.
     “Oh fuck, Jen,” Jared gasps.
     Jensen hooks his arms around Jared’s neck and brings their foreheads
     together. “Love you, Jay,” he whispers, and then he starts to move.
     Jared pulls him forward into a kiss, one hand on his hip and the
     other in the back of his hair. Jared rocks up into Jensen as he
     pushes down, and licks his tongue into Jensen’s mouth. “Love you,” he
     murmurs against Jensen’s lips.
     It’s slow and deep, Jensen riding Jared in a smooth, rolling buck,
     and Jared has never felt so deeply connected to him. His eyes are
     locked on Jensen’s, entranced by the gold and green.
     They continue to kiss, eyes open, and Jared can feel Jensen’s entire
     body tightening. He wraps one hand around Jen’s cock, squeezing and
     stroking.
     “Ah, fuck, Jay!” Jensen moans, arching back as the pleasure washes
     over him. One of his hands is in Jared’s hair, and he fists it,
     pulling gently on the strands. It feels amazing.
     Jared can feel Jensen’s orgasm, feel him trembling with the waves,
     feel him go rigid, eyes clenched shut as he shudders against him.
     He’s beautiful.
     Jared comes with a grunt, the pleasure deep and devastating, flashing
     throughout his body, white-hot. His arms tighten around Jensen,
     clenching his lover close to him as they both continue to tremble.
     Jared doesn’t have words to describe how intense that was. He
     continues to cling to Jensen, not wanting to let him go.Ever.
     Jensen kisses him languidly, disentangling his fingers from Jared’s
     hair.
     Eventually they wiggle down into the sheets, Jensen climbing off of
     Jared to lie next to him, head resting on his chest.
     Jared can feel their breathing sync up, and he strokes Jensen’s hair,
     just enjoying their closeness.
     “So we got sidetracked before I could ask how you’re doing,” Jensen
     says.
     “I’m good,” Jared says. “These classes for my Education minor are
     hard, though. But it’s interesting, and I like it, even though I
     really have to work at it.”
     “You’ll do fine, Jay,” Jensen assures him. “What about personally?
     You still seeing Justin?”
     Jared can feel Jensen tense slightly as he asks this and gives a
     mental sigh. Jensen doesn’t like Justin very much. Or rather, he
     doesn’t like that Jared is dating Justin. Jared understands; he
     doesn’t like it when Jensen dates anyone, either. Jensen hasn’t dated
     in a while, actually, limiting himself to casual hook-ups. It still
     drives Jared a little nuts, but it’s better than the commitment of a
     relationship.
     “Yeah. Things are pretty good,” he says.
     “You guys getting serious?” Jensen asks, propping his chin on Jared’s
     chest to look him in the eye, his voice low.
     Jared sighs. “We’re dating now, not just seeing each other casually
     anymore.”
     Jensen tenses. “Do you love him?”
     Jared stares at him for a long moment. “Honestly? No, I’m not in love
     with him. I like him a lot, though, and I want to see where we go.
     Maybe I could love him, I don’t know. But I have to find out.”
     Jensen’s arms tighten around him.
     “Jen,” Jared says firmly. “What are you going to do if I do fall in
     love with someone? Are you ever going to think anyone is good enough
     for me?”
     He frowns. “I don’t know, Jay. I’ll probably go insane with jealousy
     and hate every second of it, no matter who it is. Not like I could
     actually do anything about it,” he grumbles, dropping his head back
     down on Jared’s shoulder.
     Jared shifts, rolling onto his side so he’s facing Jensen nose to
     nose. “At this point in my life, Jen, I don’t know if I
     actuallycouldfall in love with someone. Because I loveyouso much. But
     what am I supposed to do?”
     “I know,” Jensen sighs, defeated. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]

December,_2001
Jared trudged up the stairs to his boyfriend’s apartment, completely exhausted.
His last final of Fall Quarter was over, and all he wanted to do was snuggle up
with Justin on the sofa and watch some crappy TV. He was leaving in a couple of
days to go back to Texas for the Christmas holidays, and he could use some
quality time with Justin before going home. His last Education exam had taken
half the time he’d thought it would; all the extra cramming had totally paid
off.
He had just finished the first Quarter of his fourth year at UCLA, and his
classes, both in his major and his minor, were getting more and more difficult.
His Art classes were more demanding, and he had to produce more pieces than he
used to, focusing on starting to build his senior portfolio. He was also
starting senior level classes in the Education minor, an area that tapped into
a very different part of his brain than Art. Jared loved it, but it was all
quite challenging.
He reached Justin’s apartment door and let himself in with his key. He was
halfway through dropping his bag to the floor when he looked over and saw
Justin on the sofa, with some guy’s head in his lap, blowing him for all he was
worth. Music was playing and Justin’s eyes were closed, and he obviously hadn’t
noticed Jared come in.
“Yeah, Byron, suck it,” Justin moaned.
“Yeah, Byron, suck him real good,” Jared said loudly. His heart pounded in his
chest, and all he could feel was an overwhelming disappointment. Yeah, he
wasn’t in love with Justin, not yet, but they’d been good together, had good
chemistry, and Jared had thought that maybe they would gradually move on to
something more serious.
Jensen would never do something like this to me, Jared thought, wishing to
himself once again that Jensen existed outside of his dreams.
“Jared!” Justin squeaked, jerking in surprise.
Byron choked and scrambled away from Justin, his lips puffy and slick with
saliva. He looked back and forth between Jared and Justin, and Jared rather
detachedly noticed that Byron was pretty damn hot. Dark hair, bright blue eyes,
fairly well muscled—yeah, he could see why Justin would fuck him.
“I hope Byron here was worth it, Justin,” Jared said to Justin. “Merry fucking
Christmas to you, too.”
“Jared, wait, I can explain…” Justin said as he zipped himself back up.
“Don’t bother. Thanks at least for waiting until AFTER I finished my exams to
pull this shit.” He stalked down the hall to Justin’s room and quickly
collected the few pieces of clothing and personal items that had made their way
here. It wasn’t much, and Jared was profoundly grateful that he hadn’t been
comfortable moving his stuff over here. Well, better to know now than after
he’d become more emotionally invested.
“Jared!” Justin met him in the hall as he was heading for the front door. “Let
me explain.”
“Sure, Justin,” Jared sneered. “Tell me why you had someone sucking you off
while I was taking a test. When we’d agreed to be exclusive. When it’s been
just you and me for eight months. What can you possibly say that will make that
okay?”
Justin just gaped at him, lost for words. “It was just… Byron was just…”
“That’s what I thought. Well, fuck you very much, Justin, and have a nice
life.” He pushed past Justin and saw Byron in the living room, putting his
clothes back on and looking terribly hurt and embarrassed. Standing, it was
clear that Jared was quite a bit larger than him. “You didn’t know about me,
did you?” he asked.
Byron shook his head. “No, man, and I wouldn’t have if I knew he had a
boyfriend.” He seemed nervous, like he was worried that Jared was going to beat
him into a pulp and smoosh his oozing remains into the carpet.
Jared was surprised at how incredibly not violent he was feeling right now. He
wasn’t a violent guy by nature, despite his size, but he’d been in his share of
fights—mostly with Jeff, and then a couple of bar brawls that Mike had started.
But now, even though he was angry, he felt no desire to hit anyone or anything.
Certainly he had no interest in hurting Byron, who was a victim of Justin’s
dishonesty as much as Jared was. “It’s not your fault he lied, Byron,” Jared
said, holding his hands up in a placating manner.
Byron nodded, looking relieved.
Justin came back out into the living room, his face red. “This isn’t all my
fault, Jared!” he shouted. “You—”
“I what?” Jared cut in. “I didn’t fuck you enough? What, five times a week
isn’t enough? Oh, or was it that I didn’t bottom enough for you? Did you want
to be the fucker and not the fuckee more often? You could have just said,
Justin!”
“No!” Justin stomped his foot. “It’s just, you never felt like you were really
mine, Jared. Yeah, we’ve been together for nearly a year now, and I kept
waiting for you to fully open up to me, and it just never happened. It was
supposed to be you and me, just you and me since June, and I fucking loved you,
but you always held yourself at a distance. You liked me just fine, enjoyed
fucking me, but you don’t love me, Jared.”
Jared was floored, and he stood there dumbfounded for a moment. Because,
goddamn it, Justin was fucking right. He didn’t love him. Jared couldn’t love
Justin, not when his heart belonged to Jensen. God, Jared was so fucked.
“You still should have talked to me, Justin,” he insisted. “Or broke up with
me, if you were tired of waiting. Not cheated on me behind my back. I was
trying, Justin. I’m sorry I wasn’t moving fast enough for you, but goddamn it,
I was trying. I would have understood if you’d just talked to me about it.”
After that outburst, Jared couldn’t stick around any longer. He made sure he
had his bag and his stuff, taking one last scan around the room, and walked out
of the apartment without another word.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]

     “He doesn’t deserve you,” Jensen says, nuzzling into Jared’s neck.
     “Cheating fucker.”
     Jared hums in agreement and curls around Jensen more tightly,
     pressing his knee between Jensen’s thighs. He knows he is dreaming
     this time, feels that niggling awareness of a lucid dream, and
     smiles. He loves dreaming of Jensen, but he loves it even more when
     heknowshe’s dreaming, because he can control it. And he knows what he
     wants tonight. “You don’t think anyone I date is good enough for me,”
     he says.
     “This is true,” Jensen replies. “That’s because you’re mine.”
     “Can’t say I disagree with you there,” Jared murmurs, rubbing his
     palm down Jensen’s ribs and over his hip. He is quiet for a moment,
     simply enjoying Jensen’s skin. Jensen feels sorealandsolidnext to
     him, and Jaredwantshim, wants him to be real, to wake up from this
     dream and have Jensen there next to him. “At least I didn’t have to
     deal with this in the middle of finals,” he says a minute later.
     “Well, the guy has timing, I suppose,” Jensen replies sardonically.
     “But let’s not talk about him anymore.” Jensen rocks into Jared and
     lips across his collar bone.
     “Deal,” Jared whispers, throwing himself into the dream fully. He
     palms Jensen’s buttock, letting his fingers graze lightly through his
     crack, and then caresses down Jensen’s thigh, pulling his leg up to
     wrap around Jared’s hips.
     Jensen turns into Jared’s body, bringing them together face to face,
     their erections slotting into place beside each other. Like matching
     puzzle pieces. Jensen groans and brings their mouths together, tongue
     slipping in to caress Jared’s.
     God, Jared loves this, Jensen taking the lead, directing the kiss. He
     gives a soft whine and kisses back, rocking his hips into Jensen’s,
     searching for friction.
     Jensen grins against Jared’s lips and rolls them over so he’s on top
     of Jared, weight pressing him down into the mattress. Jensen rocks
     forcefully into him, their cocks rubbing together, sending sparks up
     Jared’s spine.
     “Fuck!” Jared curses, arching up to meet Jensen.
     “That turn you on, Jay?” Jensen asks, white teeth flashing in a
     roguish grin. “You like it when I take charge?” He grabs Jared’s
     wrists and pins them to the mattress above Jared’s head. He moves
     Jared’s hands up to the headboard. “Hold on, and don’t let go,” he
     says softly, and it’s anorderand holyfuck, that’s hot.
     Jared grips the slots of the headboard, nodding. “Fuck, Jensen! God,
     you drive me crazy!”
     Jensen grins at him like a shark, and begins biting his way down
     Jared’s chest. Jared writhes as Jensen’s teeth close around a nipple.
     “Come on, Jensen,” he pleads.
     Jensen ignores him in favor of tonguing his navel. “God, you taste so
     good,” Jensen mumbles. “Wanna taste all of you.”
     “Please, yes.”
     Jensen drags his tongue down Jared’s happy trail, dives to the right,
     around his cock, and licks the crease where his thigh joins his hip.
     Jared opens his legs wider, wanting to give Jensen better access.
     “Mmm, you want it, Jared?” Jensen asks as he nuzzles Jared’s balls
     with his nose.
     Jared doesn’t even know what ‘it’ refers to, but he’s pretty sure he
     wants it. “God, please, Jensen.”
     Jensen presses his palms under Jared’s knees and pushes them up to
     Jared’s chest. “Let go of the headboard and hold yourself open for
     me,” he orders softly.
     “Christ, yes,” Jared answers and complies, rocking his hips up.
     “Fuck, look at you,” Jensen breathes, his eyes dark. “You have no
     idea, Jared… what you do to me…” And then he drops his head down and
     licks over Jared’s exposed hole.
     All Jared is capable of saying is something that sounds like,
     “Nnnmmnnhhggnngffuh!” He bucks upward into Jensen’s tongue, wanting
     more, wanting it deeper.
     Jensen tongues around his rim, over it, barely pressing in, then
     licking lightly, teasing. Pleasure shoots up Jared’s spine and his
     cock gives a violent throb as Jensen begins pressing in with his
     tongue, hot, wet, velvet laving into him, lapping at the edge and
     darting in and out.
     Jared lets out a loud groan and begins babbling. “Fuck… Jensen…oh
     god…fuckfeelssogooood…”
     Jensen hums and presses his tongue in deeper, using his lips to suck
     and tease at the puckered edge.
     Jared is goinginsane. He can hear rustling in the bedside table, feel
     the bed jiggle as Jensen gropes blindly for the lube, but his tongue
     stays firmly planted in Jared’s ass, and after another moment, is
     joined by a slick finger, then two.
     Jensen massages his fingers around Jared’s prostate, and Jared thinks
     he could come from this alone. “Fuck yes, Jensen! More, please!” He
     writhes into Jensen’s face, unable to keep his hips still.
     Jensen groans and the sound vibrates into Jared’s bones, ratcheting
     Jared’s arousal even higher. “Fuck me fuck me fuckmefuckmefuckme,” he
     pants.
     Jensen withdraws his tongue and replaces it with a third finger,
     rising up to his knees as he uses his other hand to smear lube on his
     cock. Jared can see it between his thighs, thick, purple, leaking,
     and hewantsit.
     “You want my cock, Jared?” Jensen asks, pressing his fingers firmly
     into Jared’s prostate.
     Jared bucks and writhes, riding Jensen’s fingers hard. “Please,
     Jensen. Want you.”
     “You are so fucking pretty when you beg,” Jensen says, his voice
     wrecked. “Can’t deny you anything.” And then Jensen’s fingers are
     gone, but are immediately replaced with the blunt head of his cock.
     Jared hisses in pleasure as Jensen drives into him, loving the not-
     quite-painful stretch, the pressure. “Yes, oh yes…” he breathes as
     Jensen pushes in as deep as he can go, loving the feeling of Jensen’s
     balls on his ass.
     Jensen takes a moment to breathe, moaning, “Fuck, so tight, Jared.”
     He runs one hand down Jared’s arm, pulling it off of his leg and
     moving it back up to the headboard. “Want these gorgeous long legs
     wrapped around me, Jared, and your hands back on the headboard. Don’t
     let go.”
     Jared complies, his hips feeling a little relief as he moves his legs
     to curl around Jensen’s hips. He looks up into Jensen’s face, sees
     him watching him hungrily, and arches his body up into Jensen’s.
     “Fuck me, Jensen, please,” he moans. “Fucking move.”
     “Oh I’m gonna fuck you, alright,” Jensen says as he begins a long,
     slow thrust. Then he drops to his elbows to plunge his tongue into
     Jared’s mouth.
     Jared kisses Jensen back eagerly, loving the languid yet firm pace
     Jensen is setting. He curls his tongue against Jensen’s, moaning into
     his mouth as Jensen thrusts again, harder this time, pleasure
     skittering along his spine.
     “Fuck yes, Jensen,” Jared mumbles against Jensen’s lips. He can’t
     concentrate on kissing anymore, because the way Jensen is sliding
     into him is just blowing his fucking mind. He writhes under Jensen,
     using his grip on the headboard to push up into Jensen as he rocks
     into him.
     Jensen moans and his hips pick up speed. “No one gets to have you
     like this, likeI do, do they, Jared?” Jensen asks, fucking into Jared
     hard.
     “No one but you,” Jared replies, and it’s the truth. No oneownshim
     like Jensen does. Jared belongs to Jensen, heart, mind, soul. No one
     has ever come close to making him feel like Jensen makes him feel.
     Jared lifts his hips to meet Jensen’s thrusts, squeezing down on his
     cock.
     “God, fuck, Jay!” Jensen curses, and thrusts into him brutally,
     making Jared’s head hit the headboard. His cock slams into Jared’s
     prostate, and Jared keens, arching and writhing at the pleasure
     shooting up his spine and down his legs.
     “Oh fuck, Jensen, right there,” he begs, hands still clenching the
     headboard, legs wrapped tightly around Jensen’s hips.
     “Like that?” Jensen thrusts in again at the same angle, hard, then
     draws out slowly.
     Jared whines. “Fuck, yes. Jensen…” Jared’s eyes lock onto Jensen’s,
     watching Jensen’s face. His eyes. It feels so intense, so deeply
     intimate, watching and feeling Jensen this way. “More, Jensen,” he
     whispers.
     Jensen leans down onto his elbows and thrusts his tongue into Jared’s
     mouth. Jared kisses him back eagerly, saying with his tongue
     everything that’s in his heart. Jensen swallows Jared’s moans, and
     fucks into him hard, once again at the perfect angle.
     “So close, Jen,” Jared murmurs, “please…”
     “I’m going to make you come on my cock alone, Jared,” Jensen says. He
     pulls himself away from Jared and leans back on his knees, bringing
     Jared’s hips up into his lap, making Jared’s back arch and shifting
     the angle to put even more pressure on Jared’s prostate.
     Jared whines again, incoherent with lust. Pleasure is spreading out
     from his pelvis, radiating up his back and pooling in his balls. It
     feelsSOgood, consuming Jared from the inside out.
     “God, look at you,” Jensen breathes, his eyes dark and devouring all
     of Jared. He grips Jared’s thighs and lifts his feet over his
     shoulders. “So gorgeous, these long legs wrapped around me.”
     “Please, Jen…” Jared gasps again, not caring that he’s begging.
     “Come on, Jared, come for me,” Jensen commands, fucking hard into
     Jared’s prostate. “Yeah, I can feel you getting tighter… you’re so
     close, aren’t you?”
     “Yeah, Jensen…” Jared is writhing with it. “Fuck, yeah!” he gasps.
     “Come for me, Jay,” Jensen whispers, and Jared is just done. His body
     goes rigid with it, his back arching off the bed, and he jerks with
     the contractions of pleasure that are rocking through him.
     “Fuck yeah!” Jensen shouts, and he palms Jared’s dick again,
     squeezing and pulling as Jared continues to shake through his orgasm.
     Jared lets out a low whine, unable to speak through the white noise
     and stars in his head.
     It gradually fades, and Jared feels Jensen collapse next to him,
     sweaty and spent. He can feel Jensen’s release inside his body, his
     cock softening. Their bodies are still joined, and Jared smiles. He
     deliberately squeezes his muscles around Jensen, who gasps and tweaks
     one of Jared’s nipples in retaliation.
     Jared laughs and swats at Jensen’s hand. “Wow,” he says.
     “Yeah,” Jensen answers, grinning. He pulls out, and Jared rearranges
     himself so he can snuggle into Jensen’s chest.
     “I think I’m not going to worry about dating for a while,” Jared says
     into Jensen’s neck after several minutes of silence. Their breathing
     is nearly normal now.
     Jensen pulls away from him just far enough to look him in the eye.
     “What do you mean?” he asks, no judgment in his voice.
     “I know that love is out there for me, Jensen. Iknowit. But I’m in
     love with you. I can’t give anyone else my heart because it belongs
     to you. It’s not fair to date someone when I can’t commit. I learned
     that the hard way with Justin. So I’m not going to worry about it
     anymore. I’ve got school to focus on right now, my friends, and I’ve
     got you. I want to be single for a while, focus on just living my
     life. And I’m okay with being on my own right now. Eventually I will
     find someone that I can give my heart to, but until then… Love will
     come when it comes, and I’ll be ready for it.”
     Jensen smiles at him. “I like that idea.”
     Jared smirks. “Of course you do. It means you get me all to
     yourself.”
     “I’m not denying it,” Jensen smirks back at him. “But you’re never
     alone.”
     “I know, Jen,” Jared answers. “I love you.”
     “Love you, too.” Jensen’s eyes are bright, and Jared’s heart skips.
     He tucks himself back into Jensen’s chest, pressing his nose into
     Jensen’s skin, trying to breathe Jensen in, make him real.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]

April,_2002
His first day back at school after spring break, Jared met Sandy on the steps
of one of the lecture halls for their shared 9:00 a.m. class.
“Jaybear!” she squealed, and jumped into his arms for a hug. “You were already
passed out when I got home last night, so I didn’t get to talk to you!” she
scolded him. “How was your spring break?”
Jared had spent his spring break up to his elbows in paint. Jensen must have
had something good happen, because Jared had several very blurry dreams in
which all he could sense from Jensen was a feeling of drunken jubilation. It
had made Jared feel impossibly happy, and he simply had to try to express it on
canvas. He was also desperately curious to find out what had happened, and was
hoping to have another waking dream in which he could actually talk to Jensen
really soon.
Tom had interrupted Jared’s fervent painting and forcibly dragged him out to
the beach in Santa Monica for a couple of days. Mike had gone home to visit his
family, so poor Tom was bored and lonely. Jared had taken the chance to paint
the waves and the sunset, exhausting his supplies of various blue paints. Tom
had complained loudly that he’d brought Jared here to get him away from his
painting, and physically hauled him into the water just to prove the point.
After that, Jared relaxed a bit and had some fun, and he’d managed to get a
nice tan.
“Good, Sands, how was yours?” he asked as he squeezed her tightly before
putting her down. He’d got up early that morning to go to the gym, so this was
the first time he’d seen her since the end of last quarter.
“It was AMAZING! The Brunette Squad conquered Malibu Beach!” She posed, showing
off her darkly tanned arms. “Got you a souvenir! It’s back in my room, though.”
“Awesome!” Jared grinned. Together they walked into the building toward their
class. Sandy had talked him into taking Lit 347: Gay and Lesbian Literature
with her—just for fun and to be a part of the LGBT community. It wasn’t a class
he needed to take for either his major or his minor, but he was actually
looking forward to it, because it would be a way for him to learn about and
support his own community better. Sandy was excited about it because she prided
herself on being a staunch LGBT ally, and she volunteered at the LGBT Campus
Resource Center. She could out-talk a homophobe about LGBT issues in a
heartbeat. It was actually kind of fun to watch.
“Welcome to Queer Lit,” the professor said as they were taking their seats.
“Otherwise known as Lit 347, Gay and Lesbian Studies. My name is Jeff Morgan.”
He fiddled with the equipment at the front of the room for a moment, and then
the projector turned on, showing the class syllabus. “We’ll be taking a
serious, academic look at gay and lesbian issues, so if you’re going to be
immature or homophobic, I suggest you leave now and drop the class. This isn’t
high school anymore, but then you should know that, juniors and seniors.”
Jared watched as his professor handed copies of the syllabus to the front row
to be passed out. Jeff Morgan was tall, gruff looking, with dark hair and a
salt-and-pepper beard.
“Ooh, he’s hot,” Sandy muttered beside him.
Jared snickered at her and took the syllabus she handed to him. “Yeah, he’s
attractive,” he said.
“And good odds that he’s gay, if he’s teaching this class,” she whispered back
to him.
Jared looked over at Professor Morgan and gave him a bemused once-over. Yes,
his gaydar was pinging a little, and the man was certainly handsome, but Jared
wasn’t attracted. “Who knows?” he said. “Not interested myself.”
Sandy cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re not still moping over Justin, are you?
That was months ago, Jay.”
“No,” Jared answered honestly. “I’m not even angry about it anymore. I’m just…”
he struggled to explain exactly how okay he really was and shrugged. “If I end
up finding love, then awesome, but for now, I’m completely happy with being
single.”
She looked at him shrewdly for a moment. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Jared grinned at her. “Yeah, I really am.” And he was telling the truth. He was
very content with his life right now—he’d spent a lot of time thinking about
things since breaking up with Justin, and he’d decided that he was right where
he needed to be. He still felt like love was out there for him—someone
somewhere, but for once he didn’t feel like he had to go searching for it. He
loved what he was doing right now, loved his art and being a student, just
being himself and hanging with his friends, spending his nights with Jensen.
“You’re in for a treat this semester,” Professor Morgan said loudly, grabbing
Jared’s attention. “We’re going to spend some time on what are considered
‘classic’ queer literature, and then we’re also going to look at contemporary
work as well. A good friend of mine, J. P. Eastland, recently published a book,
Growing the Husband Tree, which, it was just announced last month, is a
finalist for a Lambda Literary Award for Gay Men’s Fiction. He’s starting a
promotional book tour, and he’s agreed to come in for a guest lecture next
week.”
There was a murmur of excitement in the classroom—apparently this guy was well-
known in this crowd, and Jared couldn’t help but have his interest piqued. How
often did you get a chance to talk philosophy with an author of a book you’re
reading? He looked down at the syllabus to see the details, and his eyes caught
on the title. Growing the Husband Tree. Husband tree? His pulse quickened and
the hair stood up on the back of his neck. What were the odds that it had the
same meaning as the phrase he’d first heard from Jensen? The one that inspired
the painting of trees that Jared had titled Husband Trees?
“If you haven’t already bought your books for this class, I suggest you do so
quickly, because Mr. Eastland will be here next Monday. The rest of this week I
have some lecture topics to cover, but be prepared on Monday to discuss Mr.
Eastland’s book with him,” Morgan continued, and then jumped right into his
lecture. “So why study ‘queer lit’?”
After class, Jared looked over at Sandy as they were collecting their notes.
“What do you have next?”
“I’ve got another class across the quad,” she said, stuffing her notebook in
her bag. “You?”
“I’ve got a meeting with my advisor to talk about my projects this quarter,”
Jared said, zipping up his backpack.
“Do you have the books for this class yet?” Sandy asked as they walked out of
the room.
“Not yet,” Jared said. “I won’t have time to go to the bookstore until
Thursday, though. You?” Jared had meetings and studio time with his advisor
this afternoon, and with his other classes and his shifts at the gym, he didn’t
have a spare block of time until Thursday afternoon. Which annoyed him, because
he wanted to get his hands on that book as soon as possible.
“Ugh,” Sandy frowned. “I was going to ask you to pick me up some copies, but I
have to have them before Wednesday, because we have to leave Wednesday
afternoon for a dance workshop in San Diego that will take all weekend. But if
you can’t, that means I’ll have to go to the bookstore.”
She looked so distressed by this that Jared had to hide a smile.
Obviously, he failed, because she scowled at him. “You know I absolutely HATE
going into the bookstore at the beginning of a semester. I nearly got trampled
once!”
“But you’d rope me into it if you could, huh?” he asked, teasing.
“As if you’d ever get trampled, Jaybear! You’re big enough to be the trampler,
not the tramplee.”
“That’s not even a word,” he sniggered.
“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’ll have to brave the hordes.”
“If you grab me copies, I’ll pay you back,” Jared said. “And I’ll give you a
foot rub after you get back from your dance workshop,” he promised. She always
complained about her feet aching after long dance sessions and was forever
trying to get Jared to rub them. He didn’t mind, sometimes, but knew it was a
great way to wheedle her into doing favors for him.
“Ooh! SOLD!” she grinned. “I’ll go tomorrow, maybe it won’t be quite as busy
the second day of the quarter.”
“Good luck with that,” Jared said wryly. In his experience, the bookstore was
mobbed for the first two weeks of the quarter. He was glad to avoid it this
time.
“Okay, got to get to my next class!” Sandy said.
“Right. See you this evening,” Jared said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
Sandy gave him a squeeze and called out a quick “Bye, Jay!” before darting down
the hall.

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It was Thursday afternoon, and Jared had ended up having to make the trip to
the bookstore anyway—he needed to pick up books for his Education classes, and
when Sandy had come on Tuesday, the store had only had one of Eastland’s book
left. According to Sandy, the store had promised that more would be in by
Thursday. Jared was really hoping they were right. He didn’t want to have to
search in all the bookstores in the greater LA area for one book that he had to
read before Monday.
The campus bookstore was always a zoo for the first two weeks of the semester:
the store was a case of trying to squeeze eighty pounds of shit in a ten pound
bag, with shelves to the ceiling along the dingy concrete walls and pallets of
books on the floor arranged in a haphazard grid, leaving just enough room
between them for a person to maneuver through. Well, a person half of Jared’s
size, anyway. Jared waded through the crush of people heading towards the
shelves with the pink flyer hanging over them labeled English/Lit.
He shuffled through an aisle sideways, squeezing past anthropology and biology
textbooks, and then he had to step over a pallet of books that had been
depleted just enough for his long legs to stretch across the corner of the
pile. He scowled at the clerk with bright green hair who was stocking a shelf
and thus blocking the way, headphones on and humming along with the music,
oblivious to the students milling about.
Once more, Jared wished he’d thought to order his books online over spring
break. But he’d been caught up in his painting muses and enjoying his time on
the beach, and hadn’t even thought about ordering books before classes started.
And now it was too late—even if he sprung for overnight shipping, they wouldn’t
arrive in time for him to read before the next class. So he continued his
circuitous path toward the English/Lit sign, hoping that all the books he
needed would still be in stock.
At least for his Art classes, he had finished most of the classes that required
books, and when books were required, the number he had to purchase dropped
substantially. He mostly just had studio work left. For art, he spent most of
his money on canvas, paint, clay, and blocks of stone. And brushes and power
tools, too of course. Jared loved his Dremel zip tool to an almost unhealthy
degree, and he was always on the lookout for cool bits and attachments for it,
anticipating the way each piece would cut into marble or soapstone. And he
loved building his own frames and stretching his own canvas. It made him
feel…manly to channel his inner Tim Allen.
But he was looking forward to reading the books for this class, if he could
ever get his hands on them.
Finally, Jared made it to the stack of books he was aiming for, and he heaved a
sigh of relief when he saw that there were plenty of books left. He consulted
the copy of his syllabus and grabbed every book listed, dropping them into the
puke-orange basket hanging off his forearm, and then went to find his way to
the books under the Education section. Luckily, they weren’t that far away, and
he only had to climb over one pallet of books. After adding those books to his
basket—Christ, it was getting heavy—he turned around head back to the front of
the store.
And promptly groaned. There had to be 75 people between him and the two open
registers, all standing in line. Fuck, he really hated going to the bookstore
the first week of school, and he promised himself that next semester, he would
definitely order his books online. Resigned to his fate, Jared shuffled back
through the maze of shelves and pallets and got in line.
After ten minutes and moving forward only five feet, Jared picked up the book
on the top of the pile in his basket and flipped it over. Might as well do
something productive and not stand here for an hour, bored out of his mind.
“Growing the Husband Tree, by J. P. Eastland,” he mumbled softly to himself,
noticing the large tree on the front cover, the trunk thick, twisted, and
gnarled, like it was two separate trunks that grew together. Again the hair
raised on the back of his neck. He flipped it over to read the blurb on the
back.
“‘Did you know that you can grow an apple from a pear tree? You can, if you
join an apple tree and a pear tree together as they grow.’ The Carlisle family
has owned and operated Carlisle Orchards for four generations—growing fruit
trees is in their blood. Young Jonathan Carlisle is the next in line to run the
family business, and he is eagerly looking forward to taking over operation of
the orchards that he loves so much. His other love is his best friend turned
lover, Jason Clarksen, the son of the Carlisle’s accountant, and a boy that Jon
grew up with. However, once Jon’s family discovers the nature of his
relationship with Jason, their reaction forces him to choose between his two
loves. But like joined trees that become one organism, Jon and Jason have
bonded so deeply that, despite circumstances that try to pull them apart, they
cannot be permanently separated without harm to them both.”
Jared’s skin was prickling now. He knew it wasn’t a unique storyline—so many
gay teenagers have families who reject them—but joined trees? How likely was
that to be a topic of a book, a book with the phrase Husband Tree in the title?
This had to be a big coincidence. There was no other way. He glanced back at
his course syllabus and confirmed that this was the first book on the list, the
one they had to read for Monday. This J. P. Eastland was the author who
Professor Morgan had been talking about, the friend who just recently was
published and nominated for an award. He flipped the book open and started to
read.
Within another ten minutes (and another five feet forward), Jared’s heart was
racing. It felt like he’d read this before. The character of Jason seemed to be
a spitting image of Jared, with only some small differences. Jason was tall,
had hazel eyes, floppy brown hair, and loved playing basketball. And the story
had moments of feeling very similar to Jared’s dream-life with Jensen, such as
when Jason and Jon sat talking under a tree in the orchard while Jason used Jon
as a foot-rest. Jared couldn’t remember how many times he and Jensen had done
that exact same thing in his dreams. But Jared supposed it was pretty common
for couples to sit together and talk while under trees, so he tried to convince
himself that it was just a fluke. But nevertheless, it gave him a distinct
feeling of being watched, and it weirded him out.
But the writing was superb, descriptive without being frilly or overdone,
evocative and deft. And Jared was hooked. He had to see what happened to Jason
and Jon, if they managed to stay together despite everything.
“Sir, your books?”
Jared looked up, startled. He’d finally made it to the register, and he turned
around, baffled at how far he’d progressed through the line without really
being aware of it, his nose buried in the book.
He turned back to face the register and the spiky-haired girl standing behind
the counter, looking annoyed at the way he was holding up the line. “Oh,
sorry,” Jared said, sheepish, and held up the book in his hand. He’d managed to
get through the first three chapters without even realizing it, and couldn’t
bear to put it down. “Was bored standing in line, so I started reading, and got
caught up in it.” He grinned, trying to make her smile.
Her lips twitched up at the corners, and Jared mentally cheered himself. The
dimples did it every time.
“That’s a good book,” she said. “But I’ve got to ring it up if you want to keep
it.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course.” He plunked his basket of books down on the counter and
began lifting them out of the basket for the cashier. He folded the syllabus in
half and slid it into the book as a bookmark, and reluctantly put it down on
his pile.
The clerk started ringing up the stack. Jared noticed a rack of candy above the
counter and grabbed a bag of gummy worms and jelly beans, because, well, just
because. Gummy worms were AWESOME, and he wanted a snack to munch on while he
finished that book. Because he was going to finish it the moment he got home.

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The next afternoon, Jared sat on the sofa, staring at the book lying on the
coffee table, trying to understand. There were some things about this story
that were so close… the story about Jason and Jon was so similar to Jared’s
experiences with Jensen. Jason seemed to be so similar to Jared in both looks
in personality; Jon bore a passing resemblance to Jensen, but it was more due
to similarities in their personality than appearances. Of course, there were a
lot of things that were different about the book from Jared’s life: Jared had
not grown up near an orchard, for one, and Jensen’s family did not own an
orchard. Set in high school, Jason sang in the choir, whereas Jared couldn’t
carry a tune and was instead always in the art rooms, covered in charcoal or
paint. Jensen had played tennis; Jon played lacrosse. Jon also sang in the
choir—it was one of the few classes that Jon and Jason shared. Jared knew that
Jensen could sing beautifully, but Jared didn’t recall Jensen being in any
choir in high school. Jason was an only child; Jared was the middle of three
kids.
But the differences were superficial and unimportant. What was throwing Jared’s
head for a loop were the conversations between Jason and Jon. Jared didn’t
remember every dream-conversation with Jensen word for word—who did?—but he did
remember the gist of their discussions over the years, and some conversations
he recalled nearly verbatim. And there was still something so very familiar
about Jason and Jon’s interactions…
Suddenly Jared remembered a discussion with Jensen the previous summer. Jensen
was re-writing a story for publication, changing the setting to an orchard. A
story he had written for his senior project, about two gay boys who were deeply
in love with each other and were able to find their way back to each other
despite one boy’s family pulling them apart. That was the plot of this story in
one sentence. And it was set in an orchard.
“Holy shit,” Jared breathed. He was on a knife’s edge here, hovering over a
major freak-out, and he had no idea what to do.
And then there was the one conversation in the book that had sent chills all
over Jared’s body. Jon and Jason were sitting under one of the trees in the
orchard, and Jon was explaining to Jason the process of joining two trees
together. It was called pleaching, and could be done with a number of different
types of trees.
“Did you know that you can grow an apple from a pear tree?” Jon asked.
“Yeah, right!” Jason chuckled and tossed a handful of grass at him.
Jon laughed and flipped the blades away. “I’m serious, Jason. You can.”
“Really?” Jason was curious now. “How?”
“You have to join an apple tree and a pear tree together as they grow. It will
become one tree, with half of it producing apples, and the other half growing
pears. They even have different color blossoms,” Jon explained. “We actually
have a tree like that here in the orchard. I can show it to you, if you’d
like.”
“That would be cool,” Jason agreed. “But maybe later. I don’t wanna move;
you’re too comfortable.” He pressed into Jon’s side more firmly. “I wonder who
first figured out that you can do that with trees,” Jason mused.
“It happens in nature all the time,” Jon explained, shifting so he could wrap
his arm around Jason. “They sometimes call it a marriage tree, because the two
trees become one organism when they join like that. Or they call it a husband
and wife tree. Of course, I like to think of them as husband trees,” Jon said,
looking at Jason and wanting nothing more than to be with him forever. “No wife
necessary.”
“No, no wife necessary,” Jason agreed, sunlight reflecting in his eyes. “Just
husbands,” he murmured, and brought their mouths together.
That line, that line about husband trees, no wife necessary, Jared definitely
remembered having that exact conversation with Jensen. That line had inspired
his painting of joined trees—Jared still had it in his studio.
Jared stood up from the sofa and started to pace.
How the fuck was this possible? That wasn’t some common phrase… husband trees,
no wife necessary. That wasn’t something that just anyone would say, that it
would be easy to explain away as coincidence. Did this Jesse P. Eastland guy
have some sort of psychic connection to Jared’s brain?
Jared desperately needed to talk to someone about this. But Sandy was in San
Diego and wouldn’t be back until late Sunday night. There was no one else that
knew about Jensen even in passing, save for Chad. He could email Chad, he
needed to talk to him anyway, it had been a while since they last caught up,
but Jared didn’t want to freak out at Chad about this. He didn’t even know
where to start.
He sat down at his computer, thinking about emailing Chad, but decided first to
Google the author.
Jared typed in “Jesse P. Eastland” OR “J. P. Eastland” in the search field and
launched the search.
After ten minutes of sifting through the results, Jared was even more
frustrated.
He could only find information about this book and Eastland’s Lambda Award
nomination, which had happened just before spring break. There was no trace of
anything with that name before last summer. Jared doubted he had killer Google-
fu, but still, he could only find the same information that was in the “About
the Author” blurb in the book, which wasn’t all that informative. There wasn’t
even a picture of the man, anywhere. Eastland was gay, originally from Texas,
and lived in Alameda. Well, maybe Jared could track the guy down that way.
The only other thing he could think of doing was calling Professor Morgan.
Morgan had said this Eastland guy was a friend, so maybe he could give Jared
some information that would help.
However, Jared’s attempt to get information from Professor Morgan proved
futile. “Mr. Eastland receives fan email through his publishing company, you
can contact him about his book that way,” the professor said. “Otherwise, I
suggest you wait until he comes to lecture on Monday.”
“But Professor Morgan, I really need to ask him some questions…” Jared
insisted, clutching his phone tightly while pinching the bridge of his nose
with his other hand.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Padalecki. Mr. Eastland is a friend, and I’ve promised him that
I will not give out any of his personal information,” Morgan said, and Jared
could hear rustling paper over the phone as Morgan did something at his desk.
“He’s really private?” Jared tried. “I respect that, I really do. It’s just
that this book… there’s something about it that is very personal to me…”
“You are not the first person to say that, Jared,” Professor Morgan said, his
tone more gentle. “Mr. Eastland has been overwhelmed with people gushing about
this book, something he was not prepared for, and I assure you that he’s heard
whatever you have to say to him more than once already. Send him an email
through the publisher, or wait until he comes to lecture. Really Jared, you’ll
see him on Monday. This isn’t part of his book tour; it’s a huge favor he’s
doing for me. We are really lucky that he’s agreed to come. And if he gets
swarmed by fan affection before he even shows up, he might cancel on me. So,
I’m sorry, but I can’t give you any more information than that. And I have a
class that I’m already late for, so I have to go, Jared. See you on Monday.”
And the professor hung up, leaving Jared gaping at his phone.
“I can guarantee you that he’s never heard what I have to say to him,” Jared
muttered to himself.
So Jared couldn’t do anything but wait. It was only one weekend, but somehow it
felt like a month. And with Sandy out of town, he was on his own this weekend.
His other options were Mike and Tom, but no matter how much he enjoyed hanging
with them, there was no way he wanted to open up to them about this.
He sent an email to Eastland through the publisher’s website, but it ended up
sounding very much like a fan letter, because he really didn’t want to accuse
the man of stealing from his dreams in an email that the publisher would read.
And all he got back from that was a canned reply from the publishing company,
thanking Jared for his feedback and assuring him that his email would be
forwarded to the author.
He also ended up sending an email to Chad, but it turned into a generic “how’ve
you been” email, without any hint at Jared’s current near-panic. He just didn’t
know how to put it into words.
Jared was restless all weekend, and he didn’t even have a dream with Jensen to
help him relax and deal with the wait. All he had were dreams that he couldn’t
remember anything of, other than a general feeling of nervousness. He ended up
running for a couple of hours on Sunday, hoping that the runner’s high would
help distract him. Or at least help him burn off some of his nerves. But it
didn’t really help at all.
Sandy showed back up late Sunday night completely dead on her feet, dropping
her bag on the floor by the front door. “We totally rocked that workshop,” she
mumbled, her eyes half shut as she hugged Jared. “My feet are killing me.”
Jared squeezed her gently. “Awesome, Sands! Do you want that foot rub?” he
offered, hoping she would perk back up. He desperately wanted to talk to her
about all of this.
But she slumped against him, face in his chest, her breaths slow and regular.
“Sandy?” he asked, peering down at her. She was practically asleep. “Crap,” he
mumbled. So much for that idea. Jared hefted her up and hooked an arm under her
knees, lifting her up to his chest. He carried her down the hall and into her
room, placing her gently on her bed. He pulled off her sneakers and covered her
with her blanket. “Night, Sands,” he said softly, kissing her on the forehead.
“Mmm, g’night Jay,” she mumbled back to him, and then she snuggled down under
the blanket until all Jared could see was her hair.
He turned on her noise machine and closed the door behind him as he left her
room. Standing in the hall, Jared sighed. It was after 11:00 pm, so he might as
well try to go to sleep himself. There was nothing else he could do until he
saw Eastland the next day, anyway, and he’d angsted enough over it all weekend
already.
Unfortunately, his mind refused to shut up and let him fall asleep. He tossed
and turned until after 4:00 am, when he finally succumbed to exhaustion.

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He woke up to his phone chirruping at him. Blearily, he looked at the texts
from Sandy.
Where r u? Class starts in 10 mins!
OMG, Jared, I don’t believe it. Get your ass to class ASAP.
JARED WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU NEED TO GET HERE *NOW*!!!
Jared looked over at his clock, which read 9:17 am. His class—the class with
Eastland doing his guest lecture—had started seventeen minutes ago.
“FUCK!” Jared launched himself out of bed and began scrambling to get dressed,
throwing on his longhorn t-shirt and his baggy Diesel jeans, momentarily
grateful that they were clean and not too terribly wrinkled. Not only had he
slept through his alarm, but he’d also slept through Sandy getting up and going
to her 8:00 am class. She usually banged on his door to make sure he was up
before she left.
He ran a comb through his hair with one hand while brushing his teeth with the
other, something he found surprisingly difficult to coordinate, as the hand
with the comb kept trying to comb in circles. He didn’t even bother thinking
about shaving, and hoped that his scraggly almost-goatee didn’t look grungy. He
stepped into his sneakers, grabbed his backpack, and texted Sandy back as he
was dashing down the hall towards the stairs.
On my way. Pls dnt let him leave. Stall if u hv 2.
If he wanted to meet this mysterious Jesse Eastland who had a direct connection
to his brain, he still had to get across campus. Mentally he cursed the
distance from his apartment to the lecture hall. Once he reached the stairs, he
ran down them two at a time, and flew out the door to the bike rack. Usually he
walked, but if he walked or even ran now, he wouldn’t be sure to get there
before the class let out. On his bike, he should be able to get there with a
little time to spare.
As he was hopping on his bicycle, his phone chirruped at him again. Sandy had
replied to him.
Okay. Hurry, J. U need to see this guy.
“I know, Sandy, believe me, I know,” he muttered to himself, pocketing the
phone without replying to her.
Jared sped across campus and arrived at the English Building about five minutes
before his class let out. He parked and locked his bike, then ran into a
restroom to make sure that he wasn’t too gross-looking or sweaty, not really
sure why he even cared. Pulling out his phone, he texted Sandy back.
Im here, will wait outside the door and come in when class gets out.
After a minute, he got a reply.
OK. I will talk to him and keep him here for u.
“Thanks, Sandy,” Jared muttered to himself. “You’re a lifesaver.”
He made his way to the door of the classroom and peeked through the slot window
in the door. Whoever was speaking had his back to the door, and Jared couldn’t
see any details other than short light brown hair and broad shoulders.
“Dammit,” Jared mumbled to himself. He stood and watched as Professor Morgan
got up and spoke, saying something about Mr. Eastland’s lecture being included
on the exam, and then dismissing the class. Jared still hadn’t been able to get
a glimpse of Jesse Eastland, and with all of the students standing up, his view
of the front of the classroom was further obscured.
He stood back to the side of the door and waited as the students began spilling
out. Once it looked like most of the class had passed, Jared took a deep
breath, ran his hand through his hair, feeling suddenly crazily nervous. He was
about to meet the man who had somehow taken Jared’s dreams, the details of
which he’d never written down anywhere, and put them almost word-for-word into
his book with characters that were similar enough to himself and his Jensen
Ross that it was eerie. Jared had to know, had to understand.
He stepped into the room and walked down the aisle toward the front of the
room. He could see Sandy talking to a man who had to be Jesse Eastland and
Professor Morgan. He still couldn’t see Jesse’s face, but his body stance and
hairstyle was so similar to Jensen’s that the hairs began standing up on the
back of Jared’s neck.
“You just look so familiar,” he could hear Sandy say. “You’re sure you’ve never
posed for any photo shoots or paintings?”
“I’m pretty sure I’d remember doing something like that,” the guy said, and
Jared froze, halfway to the lectern.
That was Jensen’s voice.
“Why do you ask?” Jesse continued.
Sandy noticed Jared then, her eyes wide. “Well…” she said, and nodded toward
Jared.
Eastland turned around then, looking toward where Sandy was gesturing, and
Jared…
Jared’s world came to a screeching halt.
“Jensen?” he gasped. He dropped his backpack on the floor, and his knees went
wobbly. He reached his hand out to clutch at the back of a chair for support.
Eastland seemed to be in a similar state of shock. His green eyes widened and
his freckled face went white, and he staggered backwards into Sandy, who let
out an “Oomph!” and pressed her hands into his back to keep him from toppling
over.
“Jared?” Eastland choked.
“Jensen Ross?” Jared asked, needing to understand. It was Jensen, standing
right in front of him, the guy who had been in his dreams most of his life.
Jared couldn’t make sense of it, he couldn’t think, couldn’t comprehend. “H-
how?”
“Am I dreaming?” Eastland asked, his voice strained.
“No, you’re not dreaming,” Sandy said, still propping the man up. “You’re
heavy.”
“What is it?” Professor Morgan interjected, clearly concerned about how his
friend and student had just simultaneously freaked out. “Jensen, what’s wrong?”
And Jared nearly collapsed. He could not wrap his brain around this.
“Jeff…” Jesse—Jensen—turned to Professor Morgan, his face pleading, and pointed
toward Jared. “It’s Jared, Jeff. My dream, the one I based my character Jason
on, come to life right in front of me. Please tell me I’m dreaming… or
hallucinating…”
The professor looked up at Jared, his face stunned. “Jensen, no, that’s Jared
Padalecki, he’s one of my students.”
Jensen’s knees buckled then, and Morgan hooked his arms around Jensen’s waist
to keep him from collapsing onto Sandy, who helped prop Jensen up from the
other side.
“Jared Tristan Padalecki?” Jensen asked, his eyes pinned to Jared, who still
could not move. His fingers dug into the fabric on the back of the seat, his
arm vibrating with the effort to hold himself up, and Jared prayed he wouldn’t
just crumple to the floor.
His mouth was hanging open in shock, but Jared couldn’t do anything about it.
Jesse Eastland, a man who was a spitting image of Jensen, down to the tiny
crook in his nose that Jensen had gotten when he’d had a fistfight with Chris
in eleventh grade, and whom Jared had never, ever, met, knew his middle name?
“Jared!” Sandy snapped. Her eyes were still huge—she was obviously bewildered.
“Y-yeah,” Jared managed. “My name is Jared Tristan Padalecki. And you’re Jensen
Ross Ackles?” he asked, not sure if he wanted to be right or wrong.
Jensen—Jesse—whoever he was—choked. “Oh my god,” he gasped, his face white,
freckles standing out in sharp contrast.
“What is going on?” Professor Morgan asked again, his voice alarmed.
“I can’t…” Eastland jerked away from Sandy and Professor Morgan. “This isn’t
happening.” His panicked green eyes darted from Jared to Sandy to the professor
and back to Jared again…
And then he bolted, practically running up the aisle. “I’m losing my goddamned
mind,” he muttered as he stormed past Jared, giving him a wide berth.
“Jensen!” Professor Morgan called, chasing after him.
Jared stared at the door both men had disappeared through. He wanted
desperately to chase after them, to find out what the hell was going on, but
his legs wouldn’t work.
“Jared, what the hell was that all about?” Sandy appeared in front of him, her
bag over her shoulder, her face concerned. She placed her hand on his arm.
“Jesus, Jared, you’re shaking. You okay?”
Jared continued to clutch at the seat back with one hand, but took her hand
with the other. “I… Can I get back to you on that?” he said.
She looked around the classroom, and Jared slowly became aware that there were
other people in the room, students coming in for the next class, people who
were looking at him curiously. They had just seen his and Eastland’s mutual
freak-out.
“Come on, Jared, let’s go,” Sandy said, picking up Jared’s backpack and handing
it to him. “C’mon, Jared, get it together,” she said. “Take your bag, and let’s
go somewhere to talk.”
Jared finally felt his body unlock from the rigid stupor he’d been in. “O-okay,
yeah,” he breathed. He still felt shaky, but he took his backpack from her and
hefted it over his shoulder.
She took his hand again and pulled him out of the classroom. “Okay, spill,” she
said the moment they reached the hall.
He shook his head. “Not here.” He did not want to talk about his imaginary
dream lover anywhere that anyone else could overhear him.
“Alright, let’s go home, then,” she said, looping her arm around his as they
walked down the hall. “I’ll just get notes from Sophia for my next class.”

[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/teaserjensen.jpg]


[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/sandyteaser.jpg]
Jared and Sandy walked back to their apartment in silence, Jared pushing his
bike, while he tried to figure out how to explain everything. They made it home
before he even realized it, and the next thing he knew, Sandy was pushing him
down on the sofa.
“Sit. I’ll get you a glass of water,” she said, going into the kitchen.
She reappeared a moment later, two glasses of water in her hand. She sat down
on the other end of the sofa and curled her legs up, facing him. “So talk to
me, Jared. What the hell happened in class with Mr. Eastland?”
Jared reached into his bag and dug out Eastland’s book. “This book…” He
struggled for a moment to figure out what to say. “Sandy, this book…”
“I know it’s a good book, Jared, but what does it have to do with this?”
“Well, you know about Jensen?” he asked.
Sandy nodded. “Yeah, the guy you said you dream about sometimes, the one you
draw and paint all the time? The one who looks exactly like Jesse Eastland?”
Her voice sounded suspicious.
“Okay, I have never met Jesse Eastland before today, I swear to God. And you
know I can’t lie worth crap, so…” He gave her his best earnest face.
She looked at him shrewdly for a moment. “No, you aren’t lying. But how do you
explain that Jesse Eastland looks exactly like the guy you’ve been drawing all
your life?”
“God, I don’t even know,” he said, running his hand over his face. “I guess I
had better start from the beginning.”
She settled back against the cushions and waited for him to start.
Jared took a deep breath. “Sandy, what you don’t know is that I’ve been
dreaming of Jensen since I was eight years old. I grew up with him, like he was
one of my best friends, but he only lived in my dreams. I know it sounds crazy,
and I’ve always known that he isn’t real, he’s just a figment of my overactive
imagination, and he’s never shown up in my real life, my awake life. So don’t
look at me like you’re worried about my sanity.”
“But Jared, you must admit it’s weird,” she said, frowning.
“Oh, believe me, I know it’s weird,” Jared agreed. “I figured that out a long
time ago. I even asked a school counselor about it in high school. I just asked
her if it was normal to dream about someone you’ve never met over and over, and
the lady said that it might be a little different for the same imaginary
character to show up in dreams repeatedly, but that it wasn’t a problem or sign
of any underlying mental illness, as long as I knew he wasn’t real and wasn’t
hallucinating about him when I was awake.”
“Wow,” Sandy said. “Okay… You’re still dreaming of him now?”
“Yeah. It’s not every night, only one or two times every couple of weeks.
Sometimes I have the same kinds of dreams as everyone else—random, stupid
dreams about everyday stuff, weird dreams that I don’t remember, whatever. But
the dreams of Jensen, sometimes I know I’m dreaming, and sometimes I don’t.
They’re always so vivid, though, and I always remember them really well. I just
always figured that I’ve always been this really creative person, always been
artistic. The first time Jensen showed up, he was actually my imaginary friend,
and I really believed he was a real person. But then I was eight, so… It wasn’t
until after I figured out that he was imaginary that he started being a part of
my dreams. Anyway, my point is that I’ve had this long friendship and more with
him in my dreams—”
Sandy smirked at him. “More? Jared, is Jensen your dream lover?”
Jared blushed, giving Sandy her answer.
“No wonder you’re okay with being single right now, if you’re having awesome
sex in your dreams!” she said, poking him in the ribs. “It is good sex, isn’t
it?”
Jared blushed harder, chuckling. “Yeah… yeah, it’s usually pretty amazing.”
“You lucky dog. You probably have to change the sheets every day, don’t you?”
She seemed to be much more interested in this than Jared thought she should be.
And the truth was that he did have to wash his sheets pretty frequently, but he
wasn’t about to tell her that.
She took his silence as an answer and grinned gleefully. “I always wake up from
my sex dreams vaguely turned on and unsatisfied, so I have to finish myself
off. Thankfully I keep trusty Mr. Rabbit handy.”
“Sands! TMI!” Jared screeched. God, this was way more information than Jared
ever wanted to know about Sandy.
She shrieked a laugh, truly delighted with Jared’s horror.
“ANYWAY,” he said, trying to change the subject. “My point, the one that I was
trying to make before you sidetracked onto you masturbation habits, is this:
I’ve had this friendship and more with Jensen ever since I was eight, and I
feel like I know him as well as I know you. We’re still that close.”
“Okay,” she said, still smiling. “But what does dream-lover-Jensen have to do
with this book and Jesse Eastland? And why you’re upset? Is it more than just
coincidence that Jesse looks like Jensen?”
“Well, I went to the bookstore on Thursday to buy it, and once I started
reading it, I couldn’t stop. I just came back here and read. I finished it
Friday afternoon.”
“And?” Sandy prodded.
“And this book is so similar to my dream-life with Jensen, it’s eerie. I mean,
it’s not exactly the same, and actually there are a lot of differences—I
certainly didn’t grow up next to an orchard, but some of the conversations that
the two characters have—Jason and Jon—they are the same. Maybe not verbatim,
and not in exactly the same context, but I had a LOT of the same conversations
with Jensen that Jason has with Jon in that book.”
“Couldn’t that just be a coincidence?” she asked.
“Sandy, in that scene in the book where Jon is telling Jason about how trees
can be joined together, the line that Jon uses, about liking to call marriage
trees ‘husband trees’ because no wife is necessary? You know, when Jason and
Jon were standing under a joined tree? Jensen said the exact same thing to me
in one of my dreams. He and I were even standing under a joined tree in the
dream. Now tell me, is that something that people just talk about all the time,
something that could be coincidence? Oh! And you know that landscape painting I
did last year, of all the trees that were grown together? The one I titled
HUSBAND TREES? That was based on that dream I had with Jensen.”
Sandy seemed dumbfounded by this news and didn’t say anything for a long
moment, her mouth hanging open in shock.
“I know, I can’t explain it, either,” Jared said, shrugging.
“Did you ever write your dreams down somewhere that someone could get a hold of
them? Is it possible that this guy J.P. Eastland is somehow plagiarizing you?”
“I would say yes, Sandy, except that I never did write down our conversations.
I kept most of my life with Jensen completely to myself. After seeing how my
parents freaked out that I had an imaginary friend when I was nine and
supposedly too old to still have those, I didn’t tell anyone about him. When
people like you and Chad asked me about my drawings, I just said that he was
someone I dreamed about. Everything else, the details, the discussions, I kept
to myself. Jensen was mine. Only now it’s published in this book, and I feel…
violated? Having my dreams put into someone else’s book like this, for everyone
to read, and for it to get awards…”
Jared pulled his knees up to his chest. “Sandy, we’re going to be discussing
this book in class—we’ll be talking about my dreams with Jensen in class. How
am I supposed to take that? And now, on top of that, now I find out the author
of this book, Jesse Eastland, looks EXACTLY like MY Jensen Ross, and he
recognizes me, too. I can’t explain it.”
She seemed to finally understand just how freaked out Jared was about this. “Oh
wow, Jay, and you had planned on asking Mr. Eastland about it after class?” she
asked.
Jared nodded. “But I was so nervous about it I couldn’t sleep last night, and I
slept through my alarm this morning. Thanks for the texts, by the way. I might
have slept through class completely.”
“I banged on your door this morning, and you moaned that you were getting up,”
she said, shrugging. “And I was running late myself so I didn’t make sure you
were actually up. But when I saw that he looked like your drawings, I knew that
you needed to be there. But I had no idea about any of the rest of this. Why
didn’t you ever tell me?” she asked.
“Well, I was going to talk to you about it last night, but you passed out
standing up,” he replied.
“God, I was so tired,” she sighed. “That workshop kicked my ass. Thanks for
putting me to bed, Jay.”
Jared nodded. “It’s okay, I understood. And I DID tell you about him before,
Sandy. I told you he was a guy I dreamed about. As for the rest, well, that was
private. Do you tell me about your dreams? In detail?”
She frowned. “Good point. I just… it’s like you’ve had this whole other best
friend that I didn’t know about.”
“He was imaginary, Sands, or I thought he was, anyway, so don’t be jealous. You
are still my best friend.”
She leaned over and hugged him. “God, no wonder you’re freaking out.”
Jared gave a sarcastic chuckle, and then focused on breathing as he hugged her
back. But then a thought occurred to him. “Didn’t Professor Morgan call Jesse
Eastland Jensen? Or was I just hearing things?”
“No, he definitely called Eastland Jensen,” she answered, sitting up and moving
back to the corner of the sofa. “Maybe Jesse Eastland is a pseudonym.”
“If J.P. Eastland is a pseudonym, then is this guy really Jensen Ross Ackles?”
Jared asked. “When I said that name, that was when Eastland flipped and left,
right?”
Sandy nodded. “Yeah, that was when he left,” she answered. “Ackles?”
“It was Jensen’s last name. He went by Ross when I first met him, because he
didn’t like his first name. But by high school, he was going by Jensen. I
always thought of him as my Jensen Ross. But how could he possibly be the same
guy as my Jensen Ross?” Jared asked.
“Wow, Jared, I have no idea. Maybe you guys have some freaky psychic
connection.”
Jared looked at Sandy askance. “Do I seem like the psychic type to you, Sandy?
I’ve never had premonitions or could tell what other people were thinking. I
have never thought that I was remotely… what’s the word, clairvoyant? Yeah.
Never have I had any feelings of knowing what was coming or anything like that.
And shit like that isn’t really even possible, is it?”
“I don’t know,” Sandy answered, stretching her legs out to rest her feet in
Jared’s lap. “Maybe. I like to think that it is, in special cases. And maybe
you aren’t generally psychic, but just have a connection to him.”
“Maybe,” Jared hedged. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t even know
if I’ll ever see Eastland again, so maybe I won’t ever know what’s really going
on.”
Sandy reached out and squeezed his hand. “He sure seemed really stunned to see
you, too, Jay, and he knew your name. I really doubt he’d take off without
resolving this somehow.”
Jared just looked at her, doubtful.
But at that moment, his cell phone rang. He dug it out of the case on his belt
and looked at the number—it seemed familiar but he couldn’t place it right
away.
“It’s a campus number,” he said dumbly.
“Answer it, Jared,” Sandy instructed.
Jared pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Is this Jared Padalecki?” a guy said, a guy who sounded an awful lot like
Professor Morgan.
“Yeah,” Jared answered.
“This is Jeff Morgan, your LGBT Lit professor.”
“Hi professor,” Jared replied, his heart jumping into his throat.
“Hi Jared,” Jeff said, and then there was a short pause. “Are you available
this evening?”
“What?!” Jared asked, surprised.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” Morgan said. “I’m not asking you out or
anything. It’s just… what happened today between you and Jesse Eastland…”
“Yeah?” Jared prodded.
“I’ve talked with Mr. Eastland about it some, and he and I both think that it
would be a good idea for the two of you to meet and talk. When are you
available?”
“Hang on,” he said, then put his hand over the microphone.
“It’s Professor Morgan!” he hissed to Sandy. “Jesse Eastland wants to meet and
talk with me! What do I do?”
She smacked his leg. “You say yes, doofus!” she hissed right back.
“He wants to meet this evening. Will you come with me?” he asked.
She nodded and then gestured at his phone.
He put the phone back up to his ear. “Yeah, Professor, I’m available this
evening.” It was the day he usually spent all afternoon in his studio, and he
didn’t have to work until tomorrow, so it wouldn’t conflict with anything else.
“Where does he want to meet?”
“How about my office? I’ll be there, as will one of Mr. Eastland’s friends.”
“Can I bring Sandy?” Jared asked.
“Sure, if her being there will help you,” Morgan answered.
“Okay, what time?” Jared asked.
“Well, Mr. Eastland has some other commitments this afternoon, but how about
after dinner? Say seven o’clock?”
Jared looked at his watch. It was nearly noon. That meant he had to wait seven
hours until he could start getting some answers. Part of him wanted to insist
on meeting right goddamned now, and part of him wanted to never meet. He didn’t
want to lose what he had in his dreams with Jensen, and this whole thing was
really terrifying. “Okay, yeah, that’s fine,” he answered after a moment.
“Okay, good. You know where my office is, right?” the professor asked.
“Yes,” Jared answered. It was on the syllabus, and if he couldn’t find it,
Sandy could, as she was minoring in writing and knew that building pretty well.
“How did you know my number?” Jared blurted, surprising himself.
“You called me on Friday, Jared. I have Caller ID.”
“Oh, yeah,” Jared answered, feeling stupid.
“Saved me the trouble of having to look you up in the student directory,
actually,” Morgan said.
Jared gave a nervous laugh. “So… seven o’clock then?”
“Yes, seven. See you this evening, Jared.”
“Okay, bye Professor.”
The line went dead, and Jared stared at his phone for a moment.
“We’re going to Professor Morgan’s office at seven tonight,” he said. “Is that
okay with you?”
“It will be fine, Jared. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be there for you no matter
what.”
He squeezed her hand, unable to say the words of gratitude that filled his
heart at that moment.
“Okay, Jared, you are going to go take a nap,” she said, getting up from the
sofa and tugging on his hand.
“What? No, Sandy—”
She glared at him. “Yes, Jared. You took care of me last night, now it’s my
turn to take care of you. You’re freaked out and you’re exhausted because you
didn’t sleep more than a few hours last night. Do you really want to go meet
Jesse Eastland all wiped out? Or do you want to make a good impression, in case
he really is your Jensen?”
“Good point,” he conceded. He was more than tired, he was emotionally
exhausted. And he hadn’t showered, and he definitely wanted to be wearing nicer
clothes than his ratty jeans and t-shirt…
“Come on, sasquatch,” Sandy said, pulling him toward his bedroom. “Take a nap.
Things will make more sense when you wake up.”
Jared had doubts about actually being able to sleep, but as soon as his head
hit the pillow, he felt all his energy drain out of him, and he was asleep
within moments.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]
Jared woke up to fingers carding through his hair and the smell of coffee.
Groaning, he rolled over to see Sandy sitting on the edge of his bed, a mug of
coffee in one hand, the other in his hair.
“Time to get up, Jared,” she said softly.
“What time is it?” he asked, sitting up and taking the coffee from her.
“Five-thirty,” she said. “You need to shower and eat something.”
Jared’s stomach gave a loud rumble in agreement, and he realized that he hadn’t
eaten anything all day; he’d been too caught up in the drama of meeting Jesse
Eastland.
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” he chuckled.
She smiled at him. “Come on, it’s gonna be a big night, Jay. Up and at ‘em!”
He climbed off his bed, feeling sluggish, his mind taking a few seconds to
catch up. Long naps always did that to him. “Okay,” he said. “Shower and food.”
He shooed at Sandy, who smiled and headed toward the door.
“And I did some research while you were sleeping. I’ll tell you about it in a
few,” she said, closing the door behind her.
Jared scrubbed his hand across his face. Christ, was this really happening? He
chugged down his coffee, white and sweet, just like he liked it, and went into
the bathroom to shower.
He stood in the stream of water for a long moment, just letting the water hit
his face. Part of him wondered if he’d dreamed what happened that morning. Part
of him felt completely bewildered. Part of him felt hopeful and excited. Part
of him was terrified that he would lose Jensen somehow. And another part of him
felt irrationally angry for reasons he couldn’t even name. And that was a lot
of parts.
“Christ, get it together, Jared,” he muttered to himself. He shook himself
hard, and finally felt that he was ready and determined to find out what was
going on. He quickly washed, and after toweling himself off, he shaved off his
two-day scruff.
And now he had to decide what to wear. Fuck. He stared at his closet, perplexed
and momentarily overwhelmed. This wasn’t a date, but he wanted to look good,
and what was he supposed to wear to meet a guy who just might be the man of his
dreams?
“SANDY!” he screeched. He definitely needed help.
She came in the room to see him standing in his boxers in front of his closet
and burst out laughing. “Seriously, Jay, you never needed fashion help before,
why now?”
He just stared at her.
“Yeah, alright,” she said, smiling as she dug into his closet.
“Thanks,” he said softly.
“No problem,” she answered, shoving a pair of jeans and a white button-up shirt
at him. “Here, your ass looks amazing in these jeans, and that shirt shows off
your chest and arms.”
“Are you sure this isn’t too casual?” he asked as he pulled the jeans on.
“No, these are nice. Not too formal, not slobby,” she replied. “Come to the
kitchen. I made you a sandwich.”
“God, I love you,” Jared gushed. He was starved.
“I know, Jay,” she beamed at him.
Fully dressed, Jared joined Sandy in the kitchen, and immediately began
inhaling the sandwich she’d put on the table for him.
Sandy laughed. “Hungry, Jay?”
His mouth completely full, he just nodded, humming, “Mmm-hmm,” and making
appreciative noises.
She handed him a glass of water, which he gulped down.
“So, you said research?” he asked between bites.
Sandy picked up a stack of papers. “You said you Googled Jesse Eastland,
right?”
“Yeah. There was hardly anything about him anywhere,” Jared answered, and then
took another bite.
“Did you ever Google Jensen Ackles?” she asked.
Jared blinked at her, his mouth hanging open. No, he’d never even thought about
doing that.
“I’ll take that as a no,” she sniggered. “God, Jared, close your mouth; that’s
gross.”
Jared quickly swallowed his mouthful. “Well, why would I ever do that? He’s
imaginary. Why would I ever have reason to search for him?” he defended.
She shrugged. “I suppose so, until now anyway. So while you were asleep, I
Googled him, just to see if I could find anything.”
Jared gulped down the last bite of his sandwich. “What did you find?”
“A lot, actually,” she said, handing Jared the stack of papers she’d printed
off from the internet.
On the top was a picture of Jensen from high school, next to an article about
him winning an award for writing. There were articles about him playing tennis.
There were pictures of him taken out of a yearbook, the usual yearbook portrait
and another photo in which he was in a group hug with two guys and a girl. The
caption read: Steve Carlson and Christian Kane, seniors, and Jensen Ackles and
Danneel Harris, juniors, at the Homecoming Bonfire, September 27, 1994. Jared
felt like his heart was going to either stop or beat right out of his chest.
“He was born March first, 1978, and grew up in Richardson, Texas,” Sandy said
as Jared gaped at the picture. “He was a good student, got awards for writing,
and played on the Varsity tennis team. He went to USC and majored in English/
Lit, focusing on creative writing, and he had a number of short stories
published in the school literary magazine. He graduated with a 3.8 g.p.a. and
is currently working on his Master’s degree.”
“Holy shit,” Jared breathed. “This is him, Sandy. This is my Jensen. How…? What
does this mean?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But that guy looks just like the Jesse Eastland
we met in class today. I think that Jesse Eastland is a pseudonym. It would
make sense.”
“None of this makes sense,” Jared replied.
“Well, we’re gonna start figuring it out soon,” Sandy said, patting him on the
arm. “We need to leave if you want to have time to find a place to park.”
Jared suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Jared was literally bouncing with nervous energy as he and Sandy approached
Professor Morgan’s office door.
“You okay, Jared?” Sandy asked softly, looking up at him with concern.
He took a deep breath and nodded, then reached out and rapped his knuckles on
the door.
“Come in,” came Professor Morgan’s voice.
Jared was rooted to the floor for a moment, but Sandy took his hand and then
opened the door.
“Hi, Professor Morgan,” she said, tugging Jared into the office.
“Sandy, right?” he asked.
“Yes,” she nodded.
“Please, everyone call me Jeff, at least for now,” Morgan asked. “We’re not
here on school business, and we don’t need the formality.”
Jared barely heard this. His attention was locked onto the man who was standing
at the window, back to the room. Broad shoulders, freckles on his neck, slight
bow-legged stance, short-cropped light brown hair that was a little messy on
top, and an amazing ass. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of the guy, of his dream
made flesh right in front of him. His dreams were scarily accurate. It was
Jensen, and Jared had to remember how to breathe.
“Are you Jensen Ross Ackles?” he asked Jensen. “Or Jesse Eastland?”
“Jesse Eastland is my penname,” Jensen answered, still facing the window. “My
real name is Jensen Ross Ackles.”
Jared’s heart thudded in his chest. He had a million more questions, but at
least he knew that it was really Jensen. Whether he was his Jensen Ross was
another story.
Jensen finally turned around and looked at Jared, then Sandy. “And you’re Sandy
McCoy?” he asked. “The Sandy McCoy who gave Jared his first kiss?”
Jared could feel Sandy jerk in surprise. She looked up at Jared, then back at
Jensen. “Yes. How do you know that?”
Jensen just shrugged. “I have no idea,” he said. “I mean, I do know, Jared told
me, but I have no idea how that really happened.” His green eyes were wide,
wary, and his arms were crossed across his chest. Jared recognized the silver
ring on his right hand and the watch on his wrist—they were his Jensen’s watch
and ring.
“Jared, Sandy, have a seat,” Jeff said, gesturing to the two chairs along the
wall.
Sitting down definitely sounded like a good idea to Jared, and he pulled Sandy
over to sit next to him. He’d rather not fall over in shock.
Jensen sat down in another chair next to Dr. Morgan’s desk. There was one last
empty chair next to Jensen, just across from Jared, and he wondered who it was
for.
His question was quickly answered, as at that moment a guy walked into the
room. He was shorter than Jared by quite a bit, with long brown hair and a
seriously scary frown on his face. Jared immediately knew that this was
Christian Kane, Jensen’s best friend, and he looked vaguely familiar.
“Sorry I’m late, Jenny, don’t know this side of town that well. What’s
happened?” Chris asked, scowling. He turned to look at the two people he didn’t
know, and did a double take on Sandy. “Sandy?” he asked, surprised.
“Christian?” she squeaked. “What are you doing here?”
“Wait, you two know each other?” Jared asked. “How?”
“You remember that time last year, it was just before finals, spring quarter,
that we all went to this bar where there was live music playing?” Sandy asked.
“Yeah,” Jared said, impatient.
“Christian was the lead singer of the band. I gave him my number, but he never
called me,” she said, shooting Christian a glare.
“Oh my god,” Jared gasped, just as Christian was stammering something about
wanting to call her but losing her number. Jared didn’t care about that,
because a bunch of pieces were coming together in his mind. He was remembering
seeing the flyer for the band… “Kane. I knew I knew that name, but I never even
imagined it could be you and Steve,” he said. “The other guy was Steve Carlson,
right? The blonde?”
“Yes.” It was Jensen speaking now. “You saw Kane playing at a bar?”
“Yeah, last June,” Jared answered. “And holy shit, they were talking about
wishing Jenny was there to sing with them. That was you, right?”
Jensen nodded. “That was when I was working on my book. I didn’t surface for a
month.”
“Shit,” Jared breathed. He’d just barely missed Jensen back then, had been so
close to connecting with Jensen and he didn’t even know it. Christ, he’d fucked
Justin in the alley behind the bar… Jared barely resisted the urge to facepalm.
“Okay, okay, hold up, people,” Jeff interrupted. “I think the rest of us need
to get up to speed.”
“Yeah, that would be a good idea,” Christian added, frowning and looking lost.
“What the hell is going on?”
Jensen pointed at Jared. “Christian, I’d like to introduce you to Jared
Padalecki.”
Chris whirled around to stare at Jared with wide eyes. “You’re joking,” he
said.
“‘Fraid not,” Jensen replied.
“This is the dude who you’ve been dreaming about all your life? The one you
based your book on?”
Jared gave a feeble wave. “Uh, hi, Christian,” he mumbled.
Christian spun back around to face Jensen. “I thought you said he was
imaginary!”
“I thought he was, until he walked into the classroom today,” Jensen answered.
He still looked like he didn’t quite believe it.
“Hence this meeting,” Jeff interjected.
Chris seemed to be at a loss.
“Sit down, Chris,” Jeff said, pointing at the one free chair. “That way you
won’t fall over.”
“Holy fucking shit,” Chris breathed as he slumped down into the chair next to
Jared.
There was a long moment of silence, and then Jeff prodded, “Okay, Jensen, you
go first.”
Jensen gave a little jerk and looked away from Jared over to the professor. “I
don’t even know where to start,” he said, laughing a little. “I mean, I’ve
dreamed of Jared since I was eleven years old. I always just thought I had a
very creative but consistent subconscious, that it would create a character, a
friend for me when I was alone and then keep him with me all my life. I based
my book on my dreams of him. I changed the names and some of the details, but
this is my Jared, and I can’t explain it.”
He looked over at Jared, his green eyes full of hope as they assessed him.
Jared felt his heart thump wildly.
“I mean, it’s like you walked out of my head into the real world,” Jensen
continued. “I’m completely baffled. My little pipsqueak friend who grew into a
friggin giant, with floppy hair and moles on your face, everything is exactly
right…”
Jared was floored. “I did end up taller than you, didn’t I?” he grinned. “I
told you I wouldn’t stay a pipsqueak.”
Jensen gaped at him. “Yeah, you did.”
“Wait, when?” Sandy asked?
“When I was eight or nine,” Jared answered.
“And you’ve never met each other before?” Chris asked.
“No,” they both said in unison.
“Okay, Jared, your turn,” Jeff interjected.
Jared took a deep breath. He had no idea where to even begin, but just started
talking, hoping it would make sense. “I told Sandy about all of this earlier
today,” he said. “But I’ll go through it again. I have been dreaming of Jensen
since I was eight. Just like what Jensen said, I just thought I was really
creative. I mean, I was drawing when I was nine, and I’ve been drawing Jensen
since I first learned how to draw.”
“Really?” Jensen asked.
Sandy jumped in then. “Jared and I have been friends since middle school, and
you know how he’s an art major? Well, he’s always drawn this guy that he called
Jensen, but always said he was just someone he dreamed about, someone
imaginary. All of those drawings and paintings of Jensen… well, they look
exactly like you, Jensen. That’s why I was asking you after class if you’d ever
sat for a photo shoot or painting, because I couldn’t believe it.”
“So Jared has been dreaming of Jensen since junior high?” Morgan asked, nodding
toward Jensen.
Jared nodded. “And as far as I knew, until this morning, Jensen was a figment
of my imagination.” He turned to face Jensen. “You’re exactly like what I
dreamed, too.”
Christian leaned over toward Jared and poked him in the shoulder. “Dude, you
feel pretty damn real to me.” He eyeballed Jared pretty hard, looking him up
and down. “And you’re sure this isn’t some elaborate prank? Jensen didn’t pay
you to con me, or get me on Candid Camera, did he?” Chris made a point of
looking around the room for a hidden camera.
“Chris!” Jensen snapped. “For Christ’s sake, no!”
Christian seemed to be nearly a foot shorter than Jared, it was hard to tell
with them both sitting down, but the man was scary. He glared back at Chris,
thinking about everything that Jensen had told him about Chris over the years.
And then Jared smirked. “You let Jensen kiss you in tenth grade, because you
were curious. You thought it was ‘beyond gross’ and nearly threw up. And you
made Jensen swear never to tell anyone because you were so embarrassed.”
Chris choked and rounded on Jensen. “You fucker! You promised!”
Jensen held up his hands. “I never told a living soul! I swear! I just talked
to the dude in my dreams about it! I didn’t know he was real!” Jensen glared at
Jared.
“Wait, wait, wait a second!” Jeff interrupted, pointing at Jared and Jensen
with each hand. “Let me get this straight. Not only have the two of you been
dreaming about each other for most of your lives, but you had the same dreams?
You remember things you told each other, and you’re right? Right about the
facts?”
Jared stopped for a second and realized that Jeff was correct. Did that mean
that Jensen knew that they fucked in Jared’s dreams? That they were in love? He
felt his face heating up and glanced over at Jensen.
Jensen nodded at Jeff. “I think so… Jared?” He looked over at Jared for
confirmation, then smirked when he saw Jared’s blush.
Oh fuck, Jensen knew. Jared looked down at his lap and tried not to wring his
hands.
“Jared?” Sandy asked.
“Yeah?” He looked up at her, grateful for the distraction.
“So you guys have the same dreams?” she asked again.
“It looks like. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. I just know that I’ve known
Jensen all my life. He called me pipsqueak until I was eighteen, even after I
hit my growth spurt and was finally taller than him. He helped me figure out
that I was gay, and helped me deal with Justin cheating on me. Do you remember
all of that, Jensen?”
Jensen nodded, then looked around the room. “He’s right, and none of that is in
the book, so he couldn’t have known from that.”
“Holy fucking shit,” Chris breathed.
Everyone was silent for a long moment, just processing all of this. Jared
didn’t know what to say or do. He was completely flabbergasted, and excited,
and thrilled, and he could tell that he was on the verge freaking the fuck out.
“So now what?” Jared asked the room.
“I have no fucking idea,” Jensen said.
“You need to talk to Steve, Jen,” Chris said sternly.
Surprised at the seeming non sequitur, Jared looked at Chris and Jensen, who
seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyebrows. “Yeah, alright,”
Jensen caved a moment later.
“Steve?” Jared asked. As far as he knew, Steve was a friend who played music
with Chris. He wasn’t aware of any other reason why it would be so important
for Jensen to talk to him.
Jensen frowned. “I’ll explain later, Jay,” he said.
Jared’s heart gave a little thrill at the nickname.
“So, I think that you and I need to talk, too,” Jared said. “I mean… I still
can’t believe this isn’t a dream.”
Chris punched Jared in the shoulder. “That hurt?”
“Ow! Fucker!” Jared cussed and rubbed his shoulder.
Chris grinned. “Then you ain’t dreamin, son. We have ourselves a bona fide
mystery here, wherein the two of you seem to have some bizarre psychic dream
connection.”
“That makes some sort of weird sense,” Jensen said.
“Or no sense at all,” Sandy added. “But something obviously is going on between
you…”
“I can’t explain it,” Jeff said. “But there are people out there who do
research on paranormal or parapsychology stuff like telepathy and telekinesis.
I can try to get in touch with some of them, if you’d like. See if they have
any insight.”
Jared frowned, not sure if he wanted anyone analyzing this connection he had
with Jensen.
“Jeff, I don’t know if I want anyone to try to solve it,” Jensen said, his
words oddly echoing Jared’s thoughts. “Give us some time to come to terms with
it and try to figure it out for ourselves. Let us think about it for a while.
If we want to do some research on it, we’ll let you know.”
“Yeah,” Jared nodded. “What he said.”
“Okay,” Jeff said, raising his hands in surrender. “Just let me know if you
want my help.”
“I will,” Jensen said, giving Jeff a small smile, and then turning to look at
Jared again. “So, that means you and I need to talk, and it’s getting late now.
When are you available?”
“My classes are Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays,” Jared answered. “On Tuesdays and
Thursdays I work in the mornings, and then I’m in my studio all afternoon, just
working on art. So I can talk anytime.” He didn’t want to let Jensen out of his
sight.
“Crap. I have a book promotional thing tomorrow afternoon, at the LGBT Campus
Resource center, and then a meeting with my advisor. And I have classes
Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays, too, and on Thursday I have another book promo in
Irvine.” Jensen frowned.
“So should we plan on talking this week on the phone, and maybe getting
together or something this weekend?” Jared asked. Suddenly, he hated that he
was in school and had to work. He needed to spend more time with Jensen, and he
didn’t want to have to wait until the weekend.
“Yeah, that will have to do,” Jensen sighed. “So, can I get your number, then?”
he asked, standing up and handing Jared his phone.
“Yeah!” He took the phone, a fancy Motorola, and then handed Jensen his phone
as well. “Give me your number, too?”
“Sure,” Jensen said, then began typing into the phone.
Jared did the same, writing his name as Jared Pipsqueak Padalecki.
Everyone was standing up then; apparently the meeting was over. Jeff herded
them out into the hall while Jared and Jensen were playing with their phones.
“I’ve got to get home,” Jeff said. “It’s getting late. You boys let me know if
you need my help with anything, okay?”
“Okay, Jeff,” Jensen said. “I’ll call you.”
Jeff gave Jensen a one-armed squeeze and then nodded to Jared and Sandy. “See
you two in class on Wednesday.”
“Bye, Professor,” Sandy said.
Jeff bumped Christian on the shoulder, and then walked away down the hall,
leaving the four of them standing there in a semi-awkward silence.
Christian looked at Sandy. “I really meant to call you, but I lost your
number,” he said. “So I hoped you’d come to another gig, but I didn’t see you
again. Would you be willing to give me another chance?”
Sandy looked thoughtful for a moment, and then glanced over at Jared. “Give me
a minute, Jay?” she asked.
“Sure, Sands,” he said, smiling.
She grinned at him and then pulled Chris down the hall a bit, talking to him
softly. Christian finally dropped the scowl he’d been wearing most of the
evening and looked delighted.
“She was so bummed when he never called,” Jared mused. “She even yelled at me
for not telling her to get his number.”
Jensen chuckled. “Man, you should have seen him when he realized he’d lost her
number. The guy was so distraught. She’s been the one that got away ever
since.”
“Well, maybe they’ll get somewhere now,” Jared laughed.
“Well, so I’ll call you?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah,” Jared answered. “Oh, you might want your phone back.”
They swapped phones again, and their hands brushed. It sent a jolt of sensation
through Jared unlike anything he’d ever felt before, and he found himself
shaking Jensen’s hand.
Jensen looked pained, like he didn’t want to leave. “Fuck, Jay…” he breathed,
and then suddenly Jared had his arms full of Jensen.
Jared squeezed him back tightly, still amazed that this man was real, alive,
and in his arms, and that this wasn’t a dream. Oh, God, he even smelled like
Jared remembered… sandalwood and grass and Jensen. Jared buried his face in his
neck, into his favorite spot where throat met shoulder.
“You even smell like I dreamed,” Jensen mumbled into Jared’s shoulder. “How is
that even possible?”
Jared gave a laugh that was half sob, feeling like he was going to cry. “I have
no fucking idea,” he said, and clutched Jensen more firmly to his chest. This
man felt so right in his arms and Jared never wanted to let him go.
Jensen pulled away from Jared slightly, his eyes sweeping over Jared’s face and
lingering on his mouth. For a moment, Jared swore that Jensen was going to kiss
him. And fuck, he wanted it. He wanted everything with Jensen.
“Talk to you tomorrow, Jay?” Jensen asked softly.
“You can count on it. I’ll be calling you if I don’t hear from you by five.”
“Oh God, I’m going to puke,” Chris muttered.
Jared looked up to see Chris and Sandy standing there. Sandy was beaming at
him, and Chris looked amused.
Jensen swatted at Chris’s head, connecting without even looking. “Quit being a
dick, Christian,” he said, but he let his arm drop from Jared’s torso and
stepped back. “Bye, Jay.”
“See ya,” Jared replied.
Jared stood there dumbly as he watched Jensen and Chris walk down the hall.
Jensen gave him one last wave as they turned into the stairwell, and Jared
waved back. He was sure he had a sappy, dorky grin on his face.
“Wow. Just… wow,” Sandy said beside him, and Jared jumped. He’d completely
forgotten that she was there. He gaped at her for a long moment, completely
dumbfounded.
“Did that really just happen, Sands?” he asked, begging.
“Yeah, Jared, it did. Are you okay?”
It seemed that the shock finally caught up with him then, because his legs
completely gave out on him. Slumping to the floor, he breathed, “Holy fucking
shit, oh my god…”
“Shit, Jared, just breathe,” Sandy instructed, crouching down next to him.
He leaned his back against the wall and dropped his head between his knees,
heaving great gulps of air. “Jensen… that was really Jensen?”
“I don’t believe it, either, Jay,” Sandy said softly, carding her fingers
through Jared’s hair. “But yes, that was Jensen, and holy shit do the two of
you have chemistry. That was some serious eye-fucking you were doing to each
other.”
Jared choked and burst out laughing, and then laughed even harder when he saw
the smug look on her face. He rolled onto his side on the floor, laughing
hysterically, while she snickered beside him.
“Well, I’m serious,” she said, still laughing. I think if it had just been the
two of you, you would have ended up screwing on Morgan’s desk!”
Jared groaned even as he continued laughing. Fuck, that was a hot idea.
“We have a lot to work through first, but yeah, probably,” he answered
honestly.
“Come on, Sasquatch. It’s late and I still have some reading to do before I go
to bed.” She pulled on his shoulder, trying to get him to stand up.
“Okay, yeah.” She was right, too. Despite his nap, Jared was still pretty wrung
out, and he had some reading to do for one of his Education classes. They
needed to go home. He stood up, took a deep breath, and hooked his arm around
Sandy’s shoulders, tucking him in to his side. As they walked down the hall, he
fished out his phone, scrolling to the new contact. Your Jensen Ross, it read.

[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/christeaser.jpg]
Jensen didn’t call on Tuesday. Or on Wednesday. Or on Thursday. Jared tried
calling him, but just got his voice mail. After leaving him several messages
and getting no reply, Jared gave up.
And to make matters worse, Jared wasn’t having any dreams of Jensen. None, not
even the blurry, non-lucid ones. He was on the verge of panicking. How could he
have finally met Jensen in person, only for Jensen to back away? After they
seemed to connect so quickly on Monday? Jared struggled to not wallow in
despair.
On Friday night, Jared and Sandy were spread out in the living room on both
ends of the sofa, books, notes, and highlighters scattered about them and all
over the coffee table, supposedly studying. They both had exams coming up, and
Sandy was fervently writing out notes on 3x5 flash cards to quiz herself with.
Jared should have been doing something similar. But instead he was complaining
about Jensen and Sandy was unsuccessfully trying to tune him out.
“Why won’t he talk to me?” Jared whined to Sandy for the fifteenth time. “What
is Chris saying about it?” Maybe because she was talking to Chris now—they were
getting to know each other and he suspected they’d start dating soon—maybe
Chris had said something?
Sandy gave a long-suffering sigh and set her textbook down. “One, that he’s
really busy. He’s in grad school, Jay, which takes a LOT of work. And on top of
that, he’s got all of this promotional stuff he has to do for his book, stuff
he’s obligated to do because of his contract with his publisher. And two, he’s
freaking out.”
“Well so am I, but I’m not ignoring him!” Jared pouted.
“Oh my God, Jared, when did you turn into an insecure thirteen year old girl?”
Sandy snapped at him.
Jared shrunk back into the sofa cushions at that, hurt.
Sandy’s shoulders drooped as her face morphed into an expression of remorse.
She put her book aside and scooted over closer to him, taking his hand. “I’m
sorry, Jared. I didn’t mean that. But, look. This thing between you and Jensen,
this strange psychic dream connection? It’s a big fucking deal. I mean, it’s
cosmic. It’s not something that is just going to vanish now that you discovered
each other, right?”
“I don’t know, Sands,” Jared hedged. “I haven’t had a dream of him since.”
“Because you’re both in shock, Jared,” she insisted. “This isn’t a situation
where you find each other and it’s suddenly happily ever after, you know. That
shit doesn’t happen in real life. Look, you and Jensen both have spent over a
decade believing that you were imaginary. Finding out otherwise isn’t like
discovering a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk, or something easy like that.
It’s not a lucky happenstance. It’s a paradigm shift, Jay. Your whole world has
to re-orient itself to the fact that he’s real. Same for him. And that’s
something that will take you both a little time to come to terms with. So he’s
freaking out. So are you. And it’s okay, Jared. Give yourselves the time to
deal with this. He’ll call you once he’s really wrapped his head around it
all.”
Jared just stared at her. She was making a scary amount of sense. “Have you
been hanging out with Tom? Because I swear, you just channeled him,” he joked.
Sandy laughed and swatted him on the leg. “Can we get back to actually studying
now?” she asked, scooting back over to the corner of the sofa.
Jared smiled at her. “Yeah, I think we can. I’ll shut up now at least.”
She gave him a wry smile. “Fabulous.”
To Jared’s surprise, he was actually able to focus on his reading now.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
So Jared waited. Well, he didn’t wait very patiently. He sent Jensen a text,
just to reassure him.
I’ll wait for you, Jen. Call me when you’re ready to talk.
He actually got a reply to that a day later, something that made him giddy.
Miss you, J. Super busy & just need some time. Will call u soon, tho. Promise.
Jared spent the next week and a half focused on school. He planned out his
Senior portfolio with his advisor, he got ahead on his reading for his
education classes, and he spent as much time in his studio as he could,
exercising his favorite coping skill: painting. He threw all of his anxiety,
confusion, joy, and hope up on his canvasses in large swaths of abstract color.
He made another painting of Jensen, using an impressionist style, trying to
illustrate the depth of his eyes. And it really made him feel better.
He continued to not dream of Jensen, though, which was something he was not
used to at all. He’d never gone more than a week without at least a blurry,
fuzzy, non-lucid dream of Jensen. It bothered him; he felt disconnected from
Jensen, and he started to feel the ache in his chest that was sometimes there
in his dreams, the slight pull that drew him to Jensen. Jared longed to connect
with Jensen, but he was going to keep his word and give him the time and space
he needed.
Finally, Jared found with Jensen in his sleep, only this time it felt less like
a dream and more like it was real.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]

     Jared shifts, pressing into the warmth at his back. A strong arm
     wraps around Jared’s chest, pulling him in close. Jared knows that
     it’s Jensen, and he smiles. He stretches his legs out, twining them
     with Jensen’s, feeling Jensen’s knee slide between his thighs. Jensen
     gives a sleepy hum of pleasure and presses in closer, rubbing his
     face into Jared’s shoulder blades. Jared runs his hand across
     Jensen’s arm, feeling the soft hairs on his skin.
     Jared rolls over in Jensen’s arms to face his lover, who mumbles a
     mostly-asleep “love you,” as he curls into Jared’s chest. Jared
     whispers, “love you, too,” tucking his nose into Jensen’s hair.
     Breathing in Jensen, wrapped safely in his warmth, Jared drifts away.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]
The day after that dream, Jared felt a lot better. Less worried, and he knew
that his connection with Jensen wasn’t going away. He felt relieved, like he
could breathe again. And that evening, Jensen finally called.
When Jared saw Your Jensen Ross flash on his cell display, his heart fluttered
madly in his chest. “Hello?”
“Hey, Jared,” Jensen said, his voice soft. “How are you?”
“Better now,” Jared answered. He didn’t know what to say, so he just took a
deep breath and waited.
“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Jensen said. “I just…”
“It’s okay, Jen,” Jared interrupted. “I understand. It’s a big deal.”
“Yeah, it is,” Jensen sighed, sounding relieved that Jared wasn’t angry at him.
“Would you… can we meet?”
Jared’s grin nearly split his face. “Absolutely. When?”
“What’s your schedule like tomorrow?” Jensen asked.
Jared barely restrained himself from bouncing around the room in glee. “I have
work in the morning, and then I’ll be in my studio all afternoon. But I don’t
have any classes, so I can meet you anytime. Just tell me where.”
“Can I come to your studio? I’d like to see your artwork,” Jensen asked.
“That would be awesome. What time?”
“How about two? That way I can avoid the worst of the lunch traffic.”
“Two is perfect. See you tomorrow then?” Jared asked.
“Jay, I need to know where your studio is if I’m gonna meet you there.”
Jensen’s voice was both sarcastic and amused.
Jared blushed and slapped his palm to his face. “Hahaha, yeah, DUH.” He laughed
nervously. “Sorry.”
Jensen gave an affectionate chuckle. “S’okay,” he said, the smile plainly
obvious in his voice.
Jared grinned and gave Jensen directions. He didn’t want to get off the phone,
but Jensen had to meet with some other students for one of his classes.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow at two?” Jared asked, just to be sure. Part of him
still couldn’t believe that all of this was real.
“Count on it, Jay,” Jensen replied. “Bye.”
“G’bye,” Jared whispered back, and then the call ended.
Jared gave a loud whoop and threw his hands up in the air, spinning around.
“Oh my god, you are so adorable!”
Jared whipped around to see Sandy standing in the kitchen, watching him with an
enormous smile on her face.
He was too thrilled to be embarrassed, and he ran over and hauled her up into a
bear hug. “He’s coming over tomorrow!” Jared gushed, spinning her around.
Sandy shrieked with laughter and swatted his shoulder. “I heard! Put me down,
you overgrown teddy bear!”
He set her down and did a little victory dance. He didn’t care if he was being
ridiculous. He was going to see Jensen tomorrow.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider01.jpg]
Jared paced in the studio the next day. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on
anything since his conversation with Jensen. So he cleaned his brushes, blew
sandstone dust out of his Dremel, stretched canvas over a few frames, and just
organized things in his section of the studio. While doing so, he found his old
figurine of Boots, the one that Jensen had given him—the one that Jared had
thought Jensen had given him. Jared still had no idea how he’d gotten a hold of
it, and he wondered if Jensen would remember it. So he just set it on the desk
and resumed pacing.
Jensen had said he’d come by at 2:00. They could talk and then maybe go have a
coffee.
“Fuck, this is insane,” Jared said to himself.
“You’re not kidding, Jay,” came Jensen’s voice from behind Jared.
Jared spun around. Jensen was standing in the doorway, looking hugely nervous.
And fucking gorgeous. Wearing jeans that looked butter soft and a snug dark
green t-shirt, Jensen looked amazing.
“Hi!” Jared gasped.
“Sorry to surprise you,” Jensen said. “I know I’m a bit early, but I couldn’t
wait.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jared answered. “I wasn’t working, anyway. Come in.”
“So this is your art studio?” Jensen asked politely.
“Yeah, this is where most of the art happens,” Jared said, leading Jensen into
the room. He shoved his hands into his pockets, both because he was nervous and
he didn’t want to touch Jensen yet, not if it wasn’t welcome. “I share with a
couple of other students—they aren’t here, obviously—and the stone sculpture
work goes on in a different room, though. It helps contain the dust. But this
area,” he gestured to his corner of the room, “is where I work.”
“That makes sense,” Jensen said. “All of this is your work?” he said, gesturing
to several stacks of canvasses that were propped up against the wall.
“Yeah, it’s all mine,” Jared answered. There were a number of paintings there
that were of Jensen. He was anxious about showing them to him. What would he
think when he saw himself?
“Can I see them?” Jensen asked.
Well, that resolved that issue. “Sure, help yourself.” Jared tried to sound
casual, like he didn’t care. “They’re all dry and complete.”
Jensen sorted through the frames, looking at each one. When he came to a
painting of himself, Jensen gasped.
“Sandy wasn’t kidding, was she?” he said softly, lifting the painting up to
look more closely at it.
“No, she wasn’t,” Jared answered. “I’ve been drawing you since I learned how to
draw. You were my inspiration to start drawing, actually.”
“I remember sitting on your bed, watching you sketch, and working on my own
homework,” Jensen mused. “This is incredible, Jared. You’re amazing.”
“Thanks,” Jared said, trying to contain his smile.
Jensen continued looking through the stack of paintings, humming with pleasure
at each one. Then he gave a gasp. “Oh my god, Jared—you painted husband trees?”
he said, holding up the landscape of trees Jared had painted a year ago.
“Yeah, I did. I had some dreams where you were just focused on trees, and I
remember you telling me about the way they join sometimes into marriage trees.
So I had to paint them.”
Jensen looked over at him, his eyes shining. “I like to call them husband
trees,” he quoted.
“No wife necessary,” Jared finished, smiling. “That was the line in the book
that really freaked me out,” he added.
Jensen chuckled. “Yeah, I bet. This is better than the cover art for my book,”
he said, pointing at the painting.
Jared beamed. “Thanks!”
Jensen smiled and went back to looking at the paintings, and a long silence
dragged out.
Jared had no idea what to say. And wasn’t that odd? They had never not been
able to come up with something to talk about. After a long moment of silence,
Jared gave it a stab.
“So…”
Jensen looked up at him and grinned. “Yeah. I can’t believe it’s this awkward.
We always had something to talk about, didn’t we?”
Jared grinned. “God, how do you know what I’m thinking?” he asked.
Jensen smiled back at him. “I have no idea, Jared. This whole situation has
thrown me for a loop.”
“Yeah, you and me both. Are you sure I’m not dreaming? You always seemed so
real to me in my dreams.”
Jensen looked thoughtful. “Did any of our dreams ever include Sandy? Or Chris?
Or anyone else besides just you and me alone?”
“No, it was always just you and me,” Jared answered.
“So no, we’re not dreaming. Because Chris is out in the hall, ready to rescue
me if this becomes too much.”
Jared laughed. “Sandy told me that she’d come running if I don’t get in touch
with her by four.”
Jensen chuckled. He turned away from the stack of paintings and just stood
there, across the room from Jared, looking slightly uncomfortable.
The distance between them felt wrong to Jared. Jensen needed to be in his arms,
but this was still so new, he was still wrapping his head around it.
“So how do we deal with this?” Jared asked.
“I don’t know, Jay,” Jensen sighed. “I think I’ve finally accepted that you
really are real, so now we have to decide what we want to do about it.”
“Were we… in your dreams, were we together?”
“Do you mean, did we have sex, Jared?” Jensen asked, his eyes darkening.
Jared nodded, feeling his face heating up.
Jensen took a step toward him, looking like he was restraining himself from
coming even closer. “Jared, our sex life was so amazing that no one else ever
even compared.”
Jared felt himself flush hot then cold. “Yeah,” he agreed. Sex with Justin,
with anyone, was never as incredible as it was with Jensen.
“So what now?” Jared asked again.
Jensen frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets. He turned away from Jared
and walked toward the window. “Well, it’s complicated,” he said.
“You’re with someone?” Jared asked, shocked. He hadn’t known that Jensen was
dating anyone. He knew that Jensen sometimes hooked up casually, but it was
never actual dating.
“Well, sort of,” Jensen replied.
“What does that mean? And why did you never tell me?” he asked, feeling
wounded.
Fuck, this was so crazy. Here he was getting jealous of a man whom he hadn’t
known existed until now.
Jensen turned back around to face him. “I’ve been hooking up with Steve, every
now and then,” he said. “It was always casual. And you never wanted to hear
details about my casual hookups, so…”
Suddenly Chris’s comment from the meeting in Morgan’s office made sense. “Oh,
so that’s why Chris said you need to talk to Steve,” Jared said.
“Yeah,” Jensen answered. “Chris knows that I’ve always loved you, even though
he never really understood how I could be in love with someone who was a
figment of my imagination. He never liked that I was seeing Steve, even though
Steve and I both knew it was casual.”
“But wait,” Jared said, confused. “I thought Steve was straight. Back in high
school, you mentioned him having girlfriends.”
Jensen gives a little chuckle. “I think he’s bi. He claims to be ‘mostly
straight.’” Jensen did little air quotes when he said this. “But he doesn’t
mind a little male action when he doesn’t have a girl. So in my book, that’s
bi.”
“So what are you going to do?” Jared asked, leaning against his desk.
“Well…” Jensen frowned.
“Are you going to call it off with him?” Jared clarified.
“Maybe. Probably. It depends on what happens between you and me.”
Jealousy surged up Jared’s spine, and he struggled to push it down. “Okay, so
what about us?”
“Well, Jared, that’s up to you as much as it is me,” Jensen said, coming
closer.
Jared stood up and paced a bit. “Well… this is so crazy. I want to be with you,
for real. I have wanted that for a long time—I can’t tell you how many times I
wished for you to be real. And now you are real, and I…” He took a deep breath,
trying to figure out what he was feeling, and then gave a soft chuckle. “Part
of me wants to fuck you over my desk, but I really think we need to take it
slow, take the time to figure this out and adjust. So that might be moving a
bit fast.”
Jensen looked at his desk, apparently considering the idea. And then his face
transformed into shock. “Jared… is that…?” he said, pointing at the desk.
“What?” Jared asked, surprised.
Jensen walked over to the desk and picked up the figurine of Boots. He held it
up for Jared to see, his face one of confusion. “Jared, I gave this to you for
your ninth birthday.”
Jared froze. “Yeah, you did. You woke me up late at night because your family
had been in another town for one of Josh’s soccer tournaments, and you missed
my party.”
“Jared…” Jensen choked. “How is it possible that you actually, physically have
this?”
Jared shrugged. “I have asked myself that question ever since that summer. You
were gone, but Boots stayed. I can’t explain it. I eventually talked myself
into believing that I had picked it up somewhere and attributed it to you.”
Jensen sat down hard on the desk, turning the figurine over in his hands. “It
even has the mark on the bottom that I put there… the JRA.”
“I know,” Jared answered.
“What does this mean?” Jensen pleaded softly.
“I know what I want it to mean,” Jared answered.
Jensen pinned him with bright green eyes. “What do you want it to mean, Jay?”
Jared stepped closer, keeping his hands in his pocket so he wouldn’t just grab
Jensen and pull him into his arms. “I want it to mean that we are supposed to
be together. That the universe, God, what-the-fuck-ever wants us to be
together. I’ve loved you since I first saw you in that sandbox, when you were
going by the name Ross.”
Jensen smiled. “You were the one who made me actually like my name.”
Jared nodded, grinning. “See? I’ve been in love with you for most of my life,
and I always felt like it was this huge unfair thing that you were only a
figment of my imagination. I kept hoping to meet someone who would compare to
you, who I could love like I love you, but I couldn’t imagine that it would
ever happen. So I settled for what I could find, telling myself that it was
okay, because you would always be in my dreams. But that didn’t work, so I just
gave up on having a real life relationship.”
Jensen was nodding along with Jared. “Yeah, exactly. I feel exactly the same
way.”
“We probably shouldn’t just jump right into a relationship, though,” Jared said
again. “This is still a huge shock that we need to adjust to.”
“I agree. But Jay, let’s not let our shock get in the way of this any longer.
I’ve already taken a couple of weeks to deal with it, and I don’t want to avoid
you anymore. I get this ache in my chest, this pull that draws me to you, I’ve
felt it my whole life, and I don’t want to go without you any longer.”
Jared choked and tapped his fingers on his sternum. “Oh my god, Jensen, me too…
I’ve always had the same feeling. It’s like gravity. It made me want to come to
Los Angeles, because it would be near you, and I didn’t care that you weren’t
real. Holy fuck…”
Jensen gaped at him. “Oh my god,” he gasped, and then floundered for words for
a moment. “This… you… are this huge gift from the universe, that you’re
actually real, that you’re here. Let’s not let anything get in the way of us.”
Jensen’s voice was pleading, his eyes bright.
Jared could feel his eyes watering, his body shaking. “Do you honestly think
that I’d let you go, now that I finally know you’re real?” he asked. “It’s only
my every dream come true, Jen.”
And Jensen launched himself toward Jared, crushing their mouths together. Jared
wrapped his arms around Jensen, squeezing him tightly, picking him up off the
ground as they kissed, and oh God, it was Jensen, it was home, it was perfect.
Jensen finally broke the kiss, laughing with joy. He buried his face in Jared’s
neck, not complaining that Jared was still holding him off the ground.
Jared set him down, loving that he only had to lower him a couple of inches.
Jensen was only a little shorter than he was, and he fit perfectly against his
body.
They stood there for a long moment, wrapped tightly around each other, just
breathing together. Jared could feel Jensen’s heartbeat against his chest, the
warmth of his body, and he never wanted to let go.
And then a random thought popped into his head, making him chuckle.
Jensen leaned back to look him in the eyes, smiling. “What?”
“My stupid brain,” Jared joked. “Just was wondering about something.”
“And what’s that?” Jensen asked, stroking his hand into Jared’s hair.
“What’s with the name Jesse Eastland?” Jared asked.
Jensen gave a surprised laugh and blushed, and he seemed nervous all of a
sudden. “Well, I wanted to write under a pseudonym, because I didn’t want it to
get back to my family that I was writing gay fiction, and I couldn’t figure out
what name I wanted to use,” he said, still twining his fingers in Jared’s hair.
“It took me a while, but eventually, I took all the letters of your name and
all the letters of my name, and scrambled them up. From that, I made the name
Jesse Patrick Eastland. The rest of the letters became Jason Reid Clarksen, the
name of the character in the book that I based on you. I really like the name
Jason, too; my parents actually considered it as my name before they decided on
Jensen. For a long time, I wished they’d gone with Jason. So it really felt
good to give that name to the character I based on you.”
“Oh my God, Jensen,” Jared breathed. “You’re fucking amazing.”
Jensen laughed again. “That’s why I freaked when I heard your name was Jared
Tristan Padalecki. I couldn’t believe it.”
“I love you,” Jared said, unable to say anything else.
Jensen answered by bringing their mouths together again.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider02.jpg]
Jared waited outside on the sidewalk for Jensen, trying not to fidget. It was
their first official date, and Jared was going out of his skin. They’d talked
on the phone since their meeting in Jared’s studio, but this was the first time
he’d seen Jensen since they’d decided to give this a shot.
Jensen pulled up then in a shiny black classic car, a long four-door; Jared
didn’t immediately recognize the model. But it had a throaty rumble to the
engine, and it made him smile.
Jensen reached over and unlocked the passenger door, smiling up at him through
the open window. “Hey, Jay!” he grinned.
“Wow, I didn’t know you’d gotten a car like this,” Jared said as he climbed in.
“I just got her,” Jensen said, grinning. “Sixty-seven Chevy Impala.”
“Awesome,” Jared replied. “She’s gorgeous. Why a classic car?”
Jensen put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb. “I know, why not
get a little, plastic, fuel-efficient car? Especially in California. I thought
about it, really, but I’ve always liked the older cars. And when I got the
advance from the publisher, I couldn’t help but treat myself.”
“That’s awesome,” Jared said.
Jensen sent him another grin.
They lapsed into silence, and Jared struggled to find something to talk about.
After a minute, Jensen turned on the radio, and then they occupied themselves
by singing along to the music.
“So, I figured dinner and then a walk on the beach?” Jensen asked as they
pulled up into the parking lot of a steakhouse.
“That sounds great,” Jared replied as he got out of the car.
Jensen had made reservations, and they didn’t have to wait more than a minute
to be seated. Once they were at the table, there was another long silence.
“This is stupid,” Jared said impatiently. “We normally can’t stop talking.”
Jensen chuckled. “I know. It’s just… still a little weird,” he said.
Just then, the waiter appeared at their table, looking down at his notepad.
“Hi, my name is Justin and I’ll—”
Jared choked. “Justin?”
Justin stared back at him, stunned. “Uh… Hi, Jared.”
Jensen’s eyes darted back and forth between Jared and Justin, a frown on his
face. “This is Justin?” he asked, pointing at the blond.
Jared nodded. “Er, I didn’t know you worked here,” he said. God, this was
awkward.
“I’ve been here a couple of months,” Justin said, fidgeting. “Wow. Oh, you’re
on a date?” His face was bright red, and Jared knew that this could easily turn
nasty.
Jared decided to head it off, and he stood up. “I’ll be right back,” he said to
Jensen, and he took Justin’s elbow and walked them over to the foyer. “Look, I
can be polite, Justin,” he said. “I probably needed to see you, though now is
not the best time. But that’s life.”
Justin bit his lower lip, looking wary and nervous. “Well, shit, I don’t know
what to say. Are you going to cause me trouble? I need this job, Jared.”
Jared shook his head. “No, man. I just wanted to say that you were right about
one thing. I wasn’t able to commit to you, and I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t
fair to you.”
Justin looked astonished; he’d obviously not expected Jared to apologize. “Wow.
Okay, thanks,” he said.
Jared continued. “But this guy I’m with tonight, this is the real thing,
Justin. Are you going to make a scene in front of him or be nasty to him? Do we
need to go to another restaurant?”
Justin shook his head. “No, don’t worry. I’ll get Brandon to cover your table.”
“Okay,” Jared nodded, feeling relieved.
“I hope you’re happy with him,” Justin said, giving Jared a regretful smile.
Jared couldn’t help but grin widely at the thought of Jensen. “We’re just
getting started, but… yeah.”
“I can tell, Jared,” Justin said softly. “You never smiled that way about me.
And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too. There’s a lot of things I wish I’d
done differently.”
Jared felt whatever residual anger he had toward Justin fade away. “Thanks,
Justin. It’s over with now, and I’m not the type to hold a grudge. So…” he
shrugged. “I guess that’s it, then?”
Justin nodded. “Yeah. I’m glad you came in.”
“Me, too,” Jared agreed. It felt good to resolve his relationship with Justin
like this. “Good luck with everything, man.”
“Yeah, you too,” Justin replied. “I’ll just go tell Brandon to cover your
table. See you around, Jare.” And then he walked into the kitchen.
Jared went back to the table with a sheepish grin on his face. “That was
awkward,” he said as he sat down.
“Is everything okay?” Jensen asked. He was still frowning, and Jared could tell
that he was holding himself back.
“Yeah, it’s fine, Jen,” Jared replied. “He’s going to get someone else to be
our waiter.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Jensen grumbled. “He’d probably spit in our
food.”
Jared sniggered. “Oh, ew. But no, he wouldn’t do that.”
At Jensen’s skeptical look, Jared reassured him. “Justin’s not like that. He
and I just apologized to each other for how our relationship broke up, and it
was a good conversation. It was nice to get closure. He said he hopes we are
happy together.”
“Wow, you’re scarily well adjusted, Jared,” Jensen said, looking surprised. “I
wanted to smack him for cheating on you. But I’m glad that worked out.”
“Yeah, I am too.” Jared replied, smiling. “Think we can get back to our date
now?” Jared grinned.
Brandon, their new waiter, showed up then to get their drink orders. He was
friendly and made no mention of Justin. After he left, there was another long
silence as they looked over their menus.
Jared decided to fill it by asking something he’d been dying to know. “So,
speaking of exes, what happened between you and Steve?”
Jensen scowled and dropped his menu to the table. “Well, I told him I was going
to date you seriously, so there won’t be anything more between him and me. I
thought he’d be happy for me. Him and Chris, they’ve been after me to have an
actual relationship for a long time. But he got upset.”
Jared got a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Why?” he asked.
“Seems it started being something more serious for him a while ago,” Jensen
said, giving him a sad smile. “I told him from the start that it was just
casual, but he…” Jensen broke off for a moment, looking out the window. “I
don’t know if our friendship will be the same now. Seems Christian was right
about that.”
“I’m sorry, Jen,” Jared said softly.
“Not your fault, Jay,” Jensen said. “Anyway, I’m hungry. What are you having?”
Jared let the change of subject go without comment. What could he say, anyway?
“Steak,” he answered, grinning. “Love me a good steak.”
Jensen grinned at him. When Brandon returned with their beers, they both
ordered steaks, Jared’s with potatoes, Jensen’s with a salad.
“So, my publisher wants me to go to the awards ceremony in New York City in two
weeks,” Jensen said after the waiter left. “And next week, I have promo gigs up
in San Francisco, so I’m going to be gone for that.”
It took Jared’s mind a second to process that. “What?”
“The Lambda Literary Awards?” Jensen prodded.
Oh, that was right. Jensen’s book had been nominated for a Lambda award for Gay
Men’s Fiction. Jared frowned, feeling uncomfortable.
“What is it?” Jensen asked.
Jared took a deep breath, trying to figure out what he was feeling. He’d had
this uneasiness about Jensen’s book for a while now, ever since he read it.
“It’s just…” he started, then struggled for words. “Your book, Jensen. I love
it, really I do. It’s so well-written; it really deserves to be recognized for
outstanding fiction. And I’m happy for you that it’s such a success. But…”
Jensen frowned, looking concerned. “But what?” he said, sounding a little
defensive.
Fuck, Jared hadn’t meant to get into this. But the words just poured out of
him. “It’s got so much of me in it, Jensen. My thoughts, my words, my dreams.
Out there for anyone to read. We spent a week on it in class, talking about me.
I mean, I know that no one knows that but a handful of people, but still. It
feels like someone published my private journal.”
Jensen’s shoulders were tense, and he leaned back in the chair. “Well how do
you think I feel when I see your drawings and paintings of me, particularly the
ones where I’m half-naked? You show those to people, you sell them, for fuck’s
sake. I never signed on to be an art model, Jared.”
And of course, that was when their food showed up. Brandon glanced between
them, obviously noticing the sudden chill in the air. He politely placed their
dishes on the table and removed himself.
Jared seethed in silence for a moment. Fuck. Jensen had a good point. “Look, I
wasn’t trying to start a fight,” he said eventually. “Really. I understand. You
didn’t know about me. I didn’t know about you. There was no way we could have
predicted this. I just needed you to know how I feel about the book.”
Jensen’s shoulders sagged and he looked away, quiet.
Jared’s heart ached at the distance between them. “Okay, look,” he said,
placating. “You have a good point. I will take out all of the paintings of you
from my portfolio, Jensen. I won’t show them, not without your approval first.
But I’ve never sold any paintings of you. They were too personal and I didn’t
want to part with them.”
Jensen nodded, accepting that. “Okay. But I can’t do anything about the book
now, Jared,” Jensen said softly. “It’s published. I can’t undo that. But I am
sorry that you feel violated. I never meant to do that.”
“I know,” Jared said. “And I never meant to make you feel exposed with my
paintings, either. So I’m sorry about that, too. I’m not angry at you, Jensen.
Really. I guess I just needed to tell you how I feel about it, and it all came
out at once.”
Jensen finally looked at him again, his face soft. “It’s okay. We need to talk
about these things, I know. It’s just weird now, with you being real. Things I
never had to worry about before. I never had to wonder about whether my school
or promotional schedule would affect you, because we could always connect in
our dreams no matter what I was doing.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jared agreed. “I prefer you real, though.”
Jensen smiled at him, his face lighting up. “Ditto.”
“So wow, this has been a rockin’ first date, hasn’t it?” Jared joked, trying to
lighten the mood. “Ex boyfriends and an argument. Feels more like our forty-
third date than our first.”
Jensen smirked, then chuckled. “Yeah. Kind of hard to do the whole ‘let’s-get-
to-know-each-other’ thing when we really do know each other already.”
And that was it, that was what felt so weird about this, Jared realized. “Do
you think maybe we’re trying too hard?” he asked.
Jensen smiled, his green eyes sparkling. “Probably, yeah. I mean, our situation
is so different than anything else, so it doesn’t make sense for us to try to
follow the usual first-date pattern.”
“Maybe we should pretend that this isn’t a first date, then? Just try to act
like we do together in our dreams?” Jared asked.
“Yeah, that would probably work,” Jensen said, and then his face took on a
mischievous glint. “But then we always end up fucking in our dreams.”
Jared choked and burst into laughter. “God, no shit,” he chuckled. “We are
still waiting on that front, right?”
“It’s probably a good idea,” Jensen said. “But I don’t want to wait too long.”
Jared bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah. But we should be good for now.”
Jensen winked at him.
The rest of the night went much smoother after that.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider04.jpg]
The next two weeks flew by. It was a busy time for Jared; his classes were more
challenging than ever. Jensen spent a week in San Francisco promoting his book,
and then they only had one night together before he had to leave again to go to
New York City for the Lambda Awards. Jared wished he could have gone with
Jensen, to be there for him at this hugely important event in his life, but
there was just no way he could take the time away from school and work. And he
didn’t have the money to drop on a cross-country ticket at such short notice.
So Jared stayed behind in LA while Jensen left for New York.
After Jared dropped Jensen off at the airport, he ended up sitting in the
Bronco on the parking lot that should have been Interstate 405, cursing LA
traffic. Bored and having nothing to do but watch other drivers, he wondered
idly why he hadn’t had any dreams with Jensen in a while. Maybe it was because
they were talking in real life now? He hoped that they hadn’t lost their dream
connection, now that they’d found each other. He missed the easy flow to their
relationship in their dreams, the flow that wasn’t quite right just yet in
their face-to-face interactions. They were getting there, but it was still so
new, and strange to see Jensen in his conscious life.
Jared really hoped they would continue to have shared dreams. It was such a
deep part of who they were, how they found each other. But then again, Jared
would happily never share a dream with Jensen again as long as Jensen stayed
real and in his life. How many times had he wished, prayed, begged for Jensen
to be real? How often had he felt the slight tug in his chest, telling him that
Jensen was there, if only Jared could find him? And now he had, and Jared was
beyond grateful.
As the traffic finally started moving, Jared decided he would just have to wait
and see what happened.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]
“Okay, I’ve got to go soon,” Jensen said, sounding terribly anxious.
It was the night of the Lambda Awards ceremony, and Jared was talking Jensen
through his nerves on the phone. “You’ll do fine, Jen,” he assured. “Just the
fact that you were nominated means they recognize how amazing you are.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Jay?” Jensen asked softly.
“Yeah, Jensen, I am.” It was the truth. Once Jared had told Jensen how he felt
about the book, the anger and feelings of violation had faded. All he felt now
was respect for Jensen. He was so proud of Jensen, that he was able to create a
story so amazing, even if it drew on aspects of Jared’s life.
“Really?” Jensen asked.
Jared stretched his legs out onto his desk and leaned back in his chair. “Yes,
really, Jensen. I’m honored.”
Jensen gave a soft sigh. “Okay, then.” He sounded a lot more put together now.
“Call me after?” Jared asked. “I want to know how it goes.” This wasn’t a
ceremony that would be televised—no network would show a LGBT event like this,
so Jared wouldn’t hear what happened until Jensen told him.
“Promise,” Jensen said, and Jared could hear the smile in his voice. “Okay,
I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye,” Jared whispered when the line went dead.
He wondered if he was more nervous than Jensen. Looking over at the easel with
his current work in progress, Jared knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate at
all.
So he went home and wasted time kicking ass at HALO on the Playstation 2. Sandy
showed up after a bit and joined him, swearing playfully at him as they battled
each other.
Jared lost track of time then, and jumped when his phone went off.
“HAHA!” Sandy shouted, taking advantage of his distraction. “Take that, Jay!”
she said, pressing the buttons on the controller.
Jared looked up to see that his character had just died a bloody death. Oh
well. That didn’t matter. “It’s a text from Jensen,” he said dumbly.
She hit pause and dropped the controller. “What’s it say?” she asked eagerly.
Jared opened the message.
OMG. I WON. \o/ Crazy after party, too noisy to call. Will call you later, or
2mrw.
Jared whooped loudly. “HE WON!” he shouted, jumping to his feet and throwing
his hands in the air.
Sandy shrieked, “Oh my god!” and jumped up to give Jared a hug.
He spun her around, too excited to care that he knocked over a lamp with her
foot.
“Put me down, you big oaf,” she laughed.
He set her down, and she immediately put the lamp back on the table. “We have
to celebrate!” she gushed, and fetched a bottle of wine from the fridge.

 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider03.jpg]

     Jared blinks. He’s in an unfamiliar hotel room, and for a moment he
     wonders how he got here. But then he recognizes the feeling, the
     sleepy sense of awareness. He’s dreaming. He remembers splitting a
     bottle of wine with Sandy, and he must have fallen asleep on the
     sofa, waiting for Jensen to call. And now he’s dreaming. He feels
     overjoyed for a moment, relieved that their connection is still here.
     He spins around, following the slight tug in his chest that orients
     him to Jensen, looking for his boyfriend. “Jensen?” he asks the room.
     Jensen comes out of the bathroom, a dazed look on his face. He’s
     wearing a tuxedo, the bowtie unknotted, and holyfuckhe’s gorgeous.
     Jared’s mouth waters.
     “Jared?” Jensen asks, a surprised look on his face. And then he
     beams, his whole face lighting up with the force of his smile.
     “JARED! Oh my god, Jay!”
     Jared runs over to him and wraps his arms around him.
     “Congratulations, Jen!” he whispers in his ear. “I’m so proud of
     you!”
     Jensen shudders in his arms. “I can’t believe it, Jay,” he says,
     pulling back to look him in the eye. “I am SO glad to see you,” he
     adds. “Makes the whole night perfect.”
     Jared grins and kisses him, soft strokes of his tongue that quickly
     turn heated. “Me, too,” he whispers against Jensen’s lips. “God, I’ve
     missed you.”
     Jensen nods. “Missed you too. Missed these dreams.”
     “I know. I was worried we wouldn’t have them anymore,” Jared says,
     brushing his nose along Jensen’s cheek.
     Jensen hums and presses into Jared again, tucking his face in Jared’s
     neck.
     Jaredwantshim. It’s been so long, they haven’t sex in real life yet,
     and they haven’t had a dream like this in what feels like months. “We
     should celebrate,” he suggests, rocking his hips into Jensen’s.
     Jensen gives a soft moan. “No,” he says.
     Jared pulls back, surprised. “What? Why?”
     Jensen gives him a sheepish smile. “I want you, too,” he says. “But I
     want you forreal, Jay.”
     Yeah, Jared can get on board with that idea. He grins, nodding.
     “Okay,” he says. “When you get home, then?”
     Jensen nods. “Tomorrow night, Jared.”
     Jared smiles and kisses Jensen again, thrilled. “So tell me about the
     award ceremony,” he asks.
     Jensen goes over to the table and picks up a square, cut glass award
     etched with his name, his face nearly splitting with the force of his
     grin, and tells him.


 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]
They couldn’t get back to Jared’s apartment fast enough, after he picked Jensen
up from LAX. Luckily, the traffic gods were feeling generous, and it only took
him twenty minutes to get to his apartment.
“Is Sandy home?” Jensen asked as they headed up the stairs toward Jared’s front
door.
“No,” Jared answered, grinning. “She knew we were coming back here, so she went
to Sophia’s place. They’ve got an early morning rehearsal across tomorrow
anyway, and she’ll carpool with Soph.”
“Good,” Jensen replied, his eyes dark.
Jared nearly fumbled the keys when he opened the door.
“Living room, kitchen,” he pointed as he dragged Jensen through the apartment.
“Sandy’s room, bathroom, and this is my room,” he breathed, pulling Jensen in
his room and closing the door behind them.
And suddenly, it felt a lot less rushed and excited and a lot more serious. “We
ready for this?” he asked.
Jensen looked at him for a long moment. “Yeah,” he whispered. “It’s time.”
Jared nodded, his heart thudding in his chest, and he pulled his shirt over his
head.
Jensen’s eyes caressed Jared’s chest. “God, you are so gorgeous, Jay,” he
breathed.
Jared just smiled and tugged at Jensen’s shirt. “Wanna see you, too.”
Things sped up again as they scrambled to undress. On the bed now, naked, Jared
couldn’t keep his hands to himself, rubbing down Jensen’s back to caress his
ass. God, that ass… “Well, mister award-winning author, how do you want to do
this? Your choice.”
“I want to fuck you, Jared,” Jensen answered, his voice a low growl that shot
straight to Jared’s groin.
“Yeah,” he grinned. “God yeah.” He wanted nothing more than to feel Jensen
inside him, for real.
Jared detached his hands from Jensen and reached into his bedside table,
fishing out lube and a condom.
And then he gasped. Jensen had taken the moment to suck Jared’s cock into his
mouth.
“Oh fuck, Jen,” Jared groaned at the wet heat and suction. “God, your mouth…”
Christ, Jensen’s tongue was amazing.
Jensen chuckled around his mouthful and reached up with one hand, gesturing for
the supplies. Jared handed them over eagerly, and then dropped his head back to
the mattress, swept up in the sensations. He could feel himself sliding down
Jensen’s throat, and holy hell that was incredible.
Jensen pressed on the back of Jared’s thighs, pushing them up. Jared hooked his
hands behind his knees and held himself open.
Slipping off of his cock with a wet pop, Jensen groaned. “Fuck, that’s hot,
Jay.”
“Want you, Jen,” Jared said.
Jensen answered that by pressing a slick finger into him.
Jared could hardly believe this was finally happening. “Come on, yeah,” he
groaned, pushing down on Jensen’s finger. He could feel another one push in,
adding to the stretch. It had been a while since he’d bottomed, and while part
of him wanted Jensen to fuck him right the fuck now, he appreciated the prep.
“Gimme another,” he said.
Jensen complied, and this time when he pressed in, he pushed up against Jared’s
prostate, circling it with the tips of his fingers.
“Oh fuck, yeah,” Jared moaned. “Please.”
Jensen continued assaulting that spot, and Jared could feel himself shaking. A
long moment later, he could hear the crinkle of plastic, and Jensen’s fingers
withdrew.
“Do you want to stay like this, or roll over?” Jensen asked.
“Like this,” Jared breathed. “I need to see you.”
Jensen nodded. His eyes were blown with lust, and Jared couldn’t look away as
Jensen slowly thrust inside him.
They both groaned when Jensen was all the way in, and Jensen dropped down to
his elbows as Jared wrapped his legs around his hips.
Face-to-face, Jared could barely breathe for how intense it was, finally having
Jensen inside him. It was more vibrant than in his dreams, more real, just more
everything. The ache of his body stretching around Jensen, the hitching in
Jensen’s breath, feeling the other man’s heartbeat against his chest, the way
he could read every emotion in those green eyes, how it was obvious that Jensen
was feeling overwhelmed.
Jared touched Jensen’s face gently, stroking his fingers across freckled
cheekbones, tracing his ear. “Hi,” he whispered.
Jensen cracked a grin. “Hi, Jay.”
“Finally,” he breathed, and then pulled Jensen’s face to his, bringing their
mouths together.
Jensen’s tongue slid into his mouth as he began slowly thrusting into Jared.
God, this. This was what Jared needed.
Jensen.
Jensen rocked into Jared, kissing him the same way he was fucking him, deep and
slow, making him feel everything, every sensation, the friction, the pressure,
the sparks rising along his spine as Jensen grazed his prostate, pleasure
building from deep inside. Jared moaned around his tongue and squeezed his hips
with his knees. One hand in Jensen’s hair, the other on his ass, he could feel
every tremor in Jensen’s body, every shuddering breath.
“God, Jay,” Jensen whispered, lifting his head just enough to look Jared in the
eyes.
“I know,” Jared said. He didn’t have any other words, couldn’t…
Jensen shifted then, dug his knees deeper into the mattress, changed his angle
slightly, and Jared gasped.
“There?” Jensen asked.
“Fuck yeah,” he breathed. He lifted his hips to meet Jensen’s thrusts, moaning
as the pleasure deepened, spreading, getting just enough friction on his cock
rubbing between their stomachs to tease but not put him over the edge.
The slow pace was driving Jared crazy, winding him higher. Half of him wanted
Jensen to speed up, harder, faster, get them there quicker, but the other half
was loving the sense of delirium this was creating.
“Yeah, Jay, that’s it,” Jen groaned. “You feel so good.”
Jared’s eyes slipped shut as electricity sparked over him, drowning in Jensen.
“Oh fuck, Jen,” he whined. “Please.”
His lover shifted above him, and a hand closed around his cock, squeezing
gently.
Jared arched, bucking into Jensen’s fist. Half-formed words spilled from his
mouth, unable to form a coherent phrase. A glorious ache was spreading through
him, flowing down his legs to his toes, up his spine, sharpening.
“Oh fuck!” Jensen gasped above him. “Come on, Jay. Look at me. I want to see
your eyes when you come.”
Jared did as he was asked and was amazed at how intent Jensen looked above him,
the way his lust-blown eyes caressed Jared’s face. Sweat was darkening the hair
at his temples, now. “Jen, fuck,” he breathed, and then everything compressed
in him as his orgasm hit him, rushing up from deep inside, rocking him in hard
jolts.
“Oh my god, Jared,” Jensen cried above him, his pace increasing, continuing to
batter Jared’s prostate. Jared could feel him shudder, the tremors that rocked
through him echoing in his own body.
Jensen collapsed onto him then, and they just lay there, panting. Jared’s legs
flopped down onto the bed, and he wrapped his arms around Jensen, clutching at
him desperately.
“Fucking hell,” Jensen moaned after a long moment. He picked up his head again
to gaze at Jared’s face.
“I love you,” Jared breathed.
Jensen kissed him gently on the forehead, then on the lips. “I love you, too,
Jared.”
Jared deepened the kiss, languidly stroking his tongue into Jensen’s mouth.
The sweat on their bodies was starting to cool, and Jensen finally shifted off
of Jared, holding onto the condom until he was free of Jared’s body. “I liked
that we didn’t have to use these in our dreams,” he said as he tied the rubber
off and dropped it in the garbage.
“Mmm, yeah, me too,” Jared agreed. “We’ll have to get tested, and then we can
stop using them.”
Jensen looked up at him, smiling. “I’d like that,” he said. “Is there a washrag
in your bathroom?”
“Yeah.” Jared could still barely move, but he gestured toward the bathroom
door. “Help yourself.”
Jensen walked nude into the bathroom, and Jared heard the water running. A
moment later, Jensen returned with a wet cloth and wiped Jared down.
“So tired,” Jensen mumbled, flopping down on the bed next to Jared. “Was up way
too late last night, and then a five-hour flight today…”
Jared forced his body to move, and he struggled with the covers for a moment
until he was able to pull them over him and Jensen. “Sleep, Jen. We’ll figure
out what’s next in the morning.”
Jensen hummed a pleased sound and curled up next to Jared, head on Jared’s
shoulder, arm draped across his chest.
Jared felt himself falling into sleep, and he shifted so he could hold Jensen
better, pressing his face into his lover’s hair, unable to stop smiling.
***** Epilogue *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Ours is a Reciprocal Gravitation Orbit
                                   Epilogue
October,_2002
“Jay, a little help!” Jensen called from the door.
Jared abandoned the pasta salad he was stirring and ran to the door, and nearly
burst out laughing. Jensen was struggling with two cases of beer, a couple of
24-packs of soda, and a large grocery bag of chips and crackers about ready to
topple off the top of the stack of boxes in his arms. Jared relieved him of the
two larger cases, teasing, “That’s right, you need your man to help you with
the heavy stuff.”
Jensen glared at him, and Jared knew that if Jensen had a free arm, he’d be
getting punched right about now. “There’s a whole trunk full of groceries still
in the car, He-Man, and now you get to bring them all in.”
Jared broke out his best puppy-dog eyes and pout.
“Nope, not working,” Jensen said and strolled past him toward the kitchen.
Jared followed him with the beer, setting it down next to the cooler. “But
Jen…”
“Nope, you said I need my man to help me with the heavy stuff, so go get to
helping. Show me what all those muscles are good for.”
As soon as Jensen put his arm-load of soda on the counter, Jared lifted him up
onto the counter as well, ignoring his squawk of protest. “I’ll show you what
my muscles are good for,” he said, palms squeezing Jensen’s thighs as he
inserted himself between Jensen’s knees and pressed him up against the
cupboard.
Jensen looked about to protest again, so Jared cut him off with a kiss, sliding
his hands up the back of Jensen’s shirt. Jensen reciprocated easily, sliding
into the kiss with a soft moan, caressing Jared’s tongue gently with his own
and arching into Jared’s body, and fucking hell, that was hot. Jared squeezed
Jensen tighter, pressed in closer, bringing their groins together.
Jared was just beginning to contemplate the mechanics of how to go about
fucking in a kitchen with food all over the table and counters—maybe the
floor?—when Jensen pulled away. “Fuck, Jared, we can’t. There’s food sitting
out in the car that needs to go into the fridge, and everyone will be here
soon. No time for fun.”
“Dammit,” Jared cursed, knowing Jensen was right. He leaned back in for one
more kiss anyway.
Jensen laughed into the kiss, then pushed him away. “Food in the car, Jared.
Sexy times later.”
“Oh alright,” Jared said and let out a long-suffering sigh as he turned to go
out and fetch the groceries. Jensen hopped off the counter and smacked him on
the ass as he walked away.
Just for that, Jared pushed his jeans down a touch, rucked up his shirt so a
nice strip of his torso was showing, and made sure to load his arms up with
grocery bags so his biceps bulged right out of his sleeves. The hungry look on
Jensen’s face when he came back into the house was supremely rewarding.
“Got it all in one trip,” he bragged.
“That’s my He-Man,” Jensen said appreciatively.
Jared grinned. His life was fucking awesome.
 [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/divider05.jpg]
Everyone gradually spilled in the door, and the house-warming party to
celebrate Jared and Jensen moving in with each other was officially on. Said
“everyone” included Mike, Tom, Sandy, Sophia, Genevieve, Chris, Steve, and Jeff
Morgan, the professor who had become their mutual friend ever since that day in
April when Jared and Jensen found each other in his classroom. He had once
again offered to get in touch with some parapsychology researchers, but Jared
and Jensen had finally decided that they were perfectly happy with their gift
from the universe, and they did not want to have their psychic dream connection
investigated further. They were satisfied with leaving it a mystery, and Jeff
was content to see them so happy, so he never pushed the idea.
They still shared dreams sometimes, though nowhere near as often as they had
before they met. Usually it was when they were apart, like when Jensen was on
the road for his book tour. Jensen had graduated with his Master’s degree, and
Jared had just started his fifth and final year for his Bachelor’s degree.
Growing the Husband Tree was selling really well, and the publisher was pushing
him for another book. And just the other day, Jensen had received a message
from the producers of the Oprah Winfrey show about possibly featuring his book
in her book club.
Jared had sold a few pieces of art for a lot more money than he ever expected,
and an art gallery in Hollywood wanted to feature him as an upcoming local
artist. With both of their careers taking off, they wanted to establish a
foundation, a joint home base. A home, together. So they bought a house.
Jared handed out another round of beers, smirking at Sandy who was sitting on
Christian’s lap. They’d started dating not long after Jared and Jensen got
together. With Jared moving in with Jensen, Sandy had moved in with the rest of
the Brunette Squad. She winked at him and tipped her shoulders toward Chris
coyly.
Jared laughed and moved on to hand Steve another beer. It had taken Steve a
couple of months, but he’d gotten past the breakup with Jensen eventually, and
their friendship was mending. And from the way he was eyeballing Genevieve,
Jared suspected that he was moving on.
The door flew open, then, and Jared spun around to see who was crashing the
party, because everyone he cared about in LA was there already.
“What’s up, bitches?!” Chad shouted, throwing up his arms.
Jared nearly dropped the beers he was carrying. “Holy fuck, CHAD!” he shouted.
“Jay-Man!” Chad shouted back, dropping his duffel bag on the floor. “Holy fuck,
gigantor, did you get even TALLER? And turn into the fucking HULK?” he said,
pointing at Jared’s biceps.
Jared put the beers down on the coffee table and sprinted over to his friend,
picking him up and giving him a bear hug. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
he asked, spinning Chad around.
“Oof, you giant oaf, put me down!” Chad huffed, but he was grinning.
Jared spun him around once more and then put him down. “Dude! Why didn’t you
tell me you were coming?” he asked.
“That’s why it’s called a surprise,” Chad smirked. “Surprise!” he said, waving
his hands.
“I told him to come to the party to surprise you,” Sandy said from Jared’s
left.
He turned around to see her grinning and blushing furiously.
“It wasn’t all her idea,” Chad said. “I’ve been dying to come see you since you
said that Jensen was a real person, because I needed to make sure that you
haven’t lost your mind. But Sandy promised he was real, so when she told me
about the party, I booked a flight.”
Jared was now squeezing the life out of Sandy. “You guys are awesome!” he said.
“Pssht, we know that,” Chad said, while Sandy screeched at Jared to put her
down.
“So let me meet this Jensen dude,” Chad said. “I need to see him with my own
two eyes.”
Jared put Sandy down and blushed. He turned to the rest of the room, and
everyone else was just watching the reunion with amusement. “Er, yeah,
introductions!” he said. “Chad, this is Jeff Morgan, Steve Carlson, Christian
Kane, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling, Sandy’s friends Sophia Bush and Genevieve
Cortese. And this,” Jared said, pulling Jensen over to him, lacing their
fingers together, “is my Jensen, Jensen Ackles. Everyone, this is my high
school friend, Chad Michael Murray.”
There was a chorus of greetings, but Chad was staring, dumbfounded, at Jensen.
“Holy shit,” he said, and then looked up at Jared through squinted eyes. “You
weren’t fucking kidding, were you?”
Jared laughed, winking at Jensen. “Nope. It’s really Jensen, the guy I’ve been
dreaming about since middle school. And he’s been dreaming about me his whole
life, too.”
“Nice to finally meet you, Chad,” Jensen said, offering his hand.
Chad shook Jensen’s hand, still gaping stupidly at him.
“I know, man, it’s weird, but you get used to it,” Chris said. “You should have
seen them both when they finally ran into each other at the college. That was
some crazy shit.”
“It is some weird fucking shit,” Chad agreed. “But it’s awesome, too.”
“Definitely awesome,” Jared agreed. “Okay, everyone, let’s go out into the back
yard. It’s too crowded in here!”
The group milled out onto the deck and spread out onto the patio furniture,
talking and laughing.
“Tell us again how you guys met?” Genevieve asked. Once she’d seen just how
smitten Jared was with Jensen, she’d gone from carrying a torch for Jared to
living vicariously through his romance with Jensen.
Jared laughed. “Which story do you want? The really long one, or the one that
started this year?”
“Give us the long one,” Mike prodded, looking comfy on Tom’s lap. “I need to
hear it again to believe it.”
Jared sat down next to Jensen on the swing, and began the tale.
“…and then, my mom was freaking out, thinking I was having some bizarre
psychotic breakdown or something, because I was standing there, introducing her
to a kid who wasn’t there,” Jared said, and everyone laughed. “It’s funny now,
but then, man, she was so worried. Dragged me to a psychiatrist and everything.
But when Jensen vanished out of my kitchen, I knew he was imaginary.”
“Whoa, hold up,” Jensen interrupted. “You were the one who vanished, Jay. Your
mom was standing there, telling you I wasn’t real, and then you both just
disappeared, and I was standing by myself in my kitchen.”
Jared gave a shocked laugh. He’d wondered how Jensen had experienced that
summer.
“Wow,” Tom said. “Why do you think that happened? I mean, why did you guys
connect like that?”
“I think it was because I was lonely,” Jensen said. “Both of my parents were
working, my brother is five years older than me, so he was always off doing
things with his friends, and my sister was in daycare, and I was pretty much on
my own all summer.”
“Yeah, it was similar for me,” Jared said. “We’d just moved to New Braunfels
from San Antonio, my brother made friends right away, and Megan was in daycare.
I had a babysitter, but there weren’t any kids my age around my neighborhood. I
didn’t meet Sandy until school started, so I had no friends.”
“And you started dreaming of each other four years later?” Tom prodded.
“Yeah,” they said in unison. “The dreams continued right up until we met this
year. And we still have them sometimes,” Jared grinned.
“Wow,” Genevieve sighed dreamily. “So romantic.”
“Fuck romance,” Mike said. “It’s epic. Like you guys are psychically connected
somehow. How is that possible?”
“No idea,” Jensen said.
“Me either. Do I seem like the psychic type to any of you?” Jared asked. “I
don’t get premonitions or anything like that. But I share dreams with Jensen.
Can’t explain it.”
“You know,” Jeff said in his “professor” voice, “I’ve been looking into the
parapsychology research since I first found out about you, and there are some
cases of people performing better than would be expected due to chance alone.
It’s doesn’t usually happen on unimportant things like reading thoughts about
random cards, but for things that are deeply, personally meaningful, like when
parents know their children are in trouble, there have been some cases that
can’t be explained scientifically. It’s fascinating.”
“Maybe you were both abducted by aliens as children and they did some crazy
experiment on your brains that made you mentally connected, or something,” Mike
suggested.
There was a long beat of silence, and then everyone exploded into laughter at
Mike’s random detour into science-fiction. Jared nearly fell out of the swing,
he was laughing so hard. Jensen was shaking beside him, tears leaking out of
his eyes.
Mike looked affronted. “Well, I was going to say twins separated at birth, but
Jensen’s two years older, so that’s not possible, either.”
“No more alcohol for you,” Tom said affectionately, taking Mike’s beer out of
his hand.
Mike gave Tom an epic pout, which caused another round of hysterical laughter.
Chad, who had been flirting relentlessly with Sophia, chimed in once they’d all
calmed down. “It’s like you guys are some crazy sort of psychic soul mates, you
know? Meant for each other shit, like you couldn’t bear to be apart, so you
found a way to be together even though you didn’t know each other existed. That
is some crazy universal magic, there.”
“That makes complete sense,” Sandy said.
“And you can tell just by looking at them, right?” Chris said. “They’re fucking
disgusting the way they love each other. Makes me want to throw up.”
But Jared wasn’t listening to Chris’s griping. He was thinking about what Chad
had said. It rocked him, and it resonated in him. It made perfect sense, and it
was like the last piece of the puzzle of him and Jensen finally fell into
place. “Soul mates,” Jared said softly, looking over at Jensen.
Jensen smiled at him, his green eyes glistening, his face alight with joy.
“Yeah, I like that idea,” he said.
Jared pulled Jensen in for a kiss, loving the feel of his mouth, ignoring the
cheers and groans around him.
Chapter End Notes
                            Extended_Author's_Notes
     In which Viridescence Expresses Gratitude:
     Thank you so SO much to my betas, alteredloc, peachey_schoorl, and
     starlitshore. Seriously, I cannot find words to adequately say just
     how amazing you all were and how helpful you were. Thank you, THANK
     YOU for everything you did for me... all the brainstorming and
     assistance with plot development, chatting with me at odd hours of
     the night or far too early in the morning, hand-holding, tough love,
     reassuring, support, and cheerleading. AND for the way you whipped
     through my new scenes right before my posting date when I was
     scrambling to finish in time. Seriously, THANK YOU ALL. This fic was
     in a very rough and incomplete state when you came on board, and you
     really helped me flesh out the plot and whip it into shape. I made
     additional edits after they reviewed it, so any remaining typos are
     completely my own.
     ENORMOUS thank yous also to my artist,dreamers_dh! Seriously, have
     you seen the gorgeous stuff she made for me? If not, go_check_it_out!
     This was the very first time that anyone has made art for one of my
     stories, and to say I was excited about getting art for this is an
     understatement. And I was SO VERY lucky that you chose my story,
     Sissi. Thank you for being so enthusiastic and creative and giving me
     SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL art. You were wonderful to work with, and you were
     so very patient with me when I was being scatterbrained. Thank you.
     Thanks to wendy (so many ♥♥♥♥♥ to you, wendy) and thehighwaywoman for
     organizing and running this challenge. Seriously, ladies, I have no
     idea how you do it. Thanks for making this so much fun.
     And thank you to everyone who reads this story. ♥
     In Which Viridescence Has a Few Extra Comments:
     The_Lambda_Literary_Awards are a real award program. Every year they
     award the best LGBT literature published the previous year. I hadn't
     actually heard of them before I started writing this story, but I'm
     thrilled that I found the site. Because now I have a handy list of
     literature to read!
     In Which Viridescence Rambles On About Writing This Story:
     Wow, writing this story has been such an amazing journey. And it
     wasn't easy—my RL made it so very difficult to finish. In between
     signing up and posting, my RL went into an insane drama roller
     coaster, with a large number of painful and difficult family, work,
     and personal complications, all of which made it hugely difficult to
     find time to write. There were times in all of this when working on
     this story was a desperately needed escape, when it served as therapy
     for me. There were other times when it was impossible for me to
     mentally detach from what was going on in my real life to be able to
     work on it, and every word was pulling teeth. I am honestly amazed
     and proud that I was able to finish it, and take it to 70,000 words
     (!), given everything I've had to deal with over the last few months.
     And I'm grateful for it, for the inspiration and the drive and the
     story that insisted on being told.
     In Which Viridescence Gives Credit:
     The phrase “reciprocal gravitation orbit” was borrowed from a_poem_by
     Sarwar_Chowdhury.
     [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v360/dragondreamer/bigbang/header-
                                    1.gif]
     Comments are love! ♥
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